By Mehmet C. Oz, MD, and Michael F. Roizen, MD

Just about every food you can think of has made the aphrodisiac hit list at one time or another—and most of it is bosh. But not quite, says Elizabeth Somer, R.D., author of Age-Proof Your Body. Although there’s no proof that any food will consistently boost desire, there is definitely something seductive about these five:

1. Bright foods—If someone’s diet is a junk-food debacle, their love life may be, too. That’s because the quality of sexual experiences fluctuates with overall health, says Somer. But reversing the effects of poor nutrition improves energy, mood, and even conception rates. And since brightly colored fruit and veggies are the most nutrient-packed foods you can eat, consuming the recommended nine-a-day could rev up your sex life.

2. Lite foods—Men with romance on their minds should think low-fat. University of Utah School of Medicine researchers found that testosterone levels plunged 50 percent in men after they drank a rich milk shake containing 57 percent fat calories.

3. Chocolate—This melt-in-your-mouth delectable has been called irresistible, wicked, and divine. No wonder eating it makes us think of other pleasurable indulgences. But there’s actually a possible scientific explanation for its effects. “Chocolate contains a compound called phenylethylamine or PEA that stimulates the nervous system, increases blood pressure, and makes your heart beat faster, creating feelings similar to being in love,” says Somer.

4. Alcohol—Wine and liquor may rate as love potions because alcohol depresses higher brain centers, suppressing anxiety and inhibitions. But there’s a hitch: More than one or two drinks slows arousal and increases clumsiness. Oops. Even Shakespeare wrote about alcohol’s double-edged side: “It provides the desire, but it takes away the performance.”

5. And, yes, oysters—The belief that oysters boost fertility has some basis in fact: Just one usually supplies the daily requirement for zinc, a trace mineral that’s essential for conception. Even a brief shortage of zinc impairs ovulation in women and reduces semen and testosterone in men. However, while getting the recommended 15 milligrams of zinc a day will help sustain normal sexual function, larger doses will not turn a couch potato into Casanova!

Happily, not only is the food of love surprisingly healthy, so is love itself: Long-term loving relationships can make your RealAge as much as 6.5 years younger.

Source: health.msn.com

BY NICHOLAS K. GERANIOS
ASSOCIATED PRESS

Boy meets girl. Boy picks up girl. Boy tries to not drop girl on her head.

This is the world of pairs figure skating and ice dancing, the beautiful sports where a woman and man skate in unison across the ice.

But how do these skaters meet? How do they stay together? And what is the secret to their success?

Pairs skating turns out to have a lot of parallels to relationships in real life. Not the least of which is the potential for conflict while in proximity to very sharp objects.

Some pairs meet by accident, some are matched up by coaches or friends. Some seek each other out on the Internet.

At the U.S. Figure Skating Championships in Spokane in January, all manner of pairs were on display. The most successful was Caydee Denney, 16, and Jeremy Barrett, 25, who won the U.S. pairs title and competed in the Vancouver Olympics, finishing 13th last week.

Denney and Barrett began skating together in Florida in 2006, but Denney and her family moved to Colorado. They moved back to Florida in 2008, and Denney and Barrett picked up again.

Like a lot of successful partnerships, they are careful about what they say. Barrett blamed himself for some “poor throws” during nationals, and praised his partner for landing them anyway.

Finishing second at nationals were Amanda Evora and Mark Ladwig, who went on to finish 10th in Vancouver. In the tangled world of pairs, Barrett has dated Evora for years. The two teams skate at the same rink and have the same coaching team, making them training partners yet rivals at the same time.

Pairs skating is a complicated effort. Partners have to have absolute faith in each other to pull off all the jumps, spins and landings, some with names like “the death spiral.” The male partner must be strong enough to hoist the female into the air and set her down without apparent effort. This puts pressure on the man to stay strong and the woman to stay thin.

Finding a partner can be difficult. Pairs hopefuls have been known to advertise in skating magazines, through e-mail, and on Web sites such as icepartnersearch.com.

Skater Ameena Sheikh used that site, which is endorsed by U.S. Figure Skating, to find partner Aaron VanCleave. The site currently lists 59 males and 235 females looking for partners, which illustrates another challenge in pairs skating: There are a lot more women than men.

Women are encouraged to look for potential partners among hockey players, roller skaters, dancers and gymnasts.

Often, one skater has to move to be closer to the other for practice purposes.

VanCleave, for instance, moved from British Columbia to the Detroit area after he and Sheikh decided to skate together. Spokane was their second competition, and while they only finished 14th, they are staying together.

“We are going long-term, all the way,” Sheikh said.

Ice dancer Tanith Belbin was born in Canada, but moved to the Detroit area in 1998 because she was not able to find a good dance partner. She was partnered with Ben Agosto by coach Igor Shpilband, and they have enjoyed a lot of success.

At the Turin Olympics in 2006, Belbin and Agosto won the silver medal in ice dancing, the highest Olympic result of any American team in the discipline, and the first American ice dancers to win an Olympic medal in 30 years. In 2008, they moved to Ashton, Pa., to train.

They finished second in ice dancing in Spokane, behind Meryl Davis and Charles White, and both teams were scheduled to compete in the Vancouver Olympics.

Agosto contends they have never had an argument in 11 years of skating together. Successful skating partners have to be able to work through mistakes without exploding on each other, at least in public.

Source: freep.com

By Eric Aasen

Lessons in Love

DENTON – For the college women gathered in Room 131, if you wanna know if he loves you so, it’s not in his kiss – it’s in his eyes.

“His eyes look like they’re probing into you, looking into your soul,” one exclaimed.

“Pretty blue eyes,” another said.

“Almond-shaped eyes.” “Soft eyes, so you look at them and you’re like, ‘Awwww. You look like a puppy.’ ” “Smiley eyes.”

There’s a whole lotta lovin’ goin’ on in the Romantic Relationships course at the University of North Texas. Yes, college students – some of whom specialize in beer bongs, late-night parties or casual hook-ups – are taking a scholarly approach to personality, friendship, attraction, dating and marriage.

So aside from pretty peepers, does the ideal man have a well-defined jaw?

Hands shot up in the air so fast, the students’ arms practically fell off.

Their professor, Jennifer Acker, quickly whipped them back into reality.

“This may be the hottest guy ever that walks into the room, but is he going to provide for the family and really help out?”

His looks may light up a room, but will he really light up a room by replacing that burned-out light bulb?

“There’s nothing sexier than a man with a vacuum cleaner,” Acker said.

For these students, there’s no need to search those bottomless piles of self-help books at the bookstore this Valentine’s Day. Forget Dr. Phil. Turn off The Bachelor and other syrupy find-me-a-lover shows.

The UNT class was formed just a couple of years ago, but there’s so much interest that students are being turned away. Similar courses are popping up on across the country.

Some students take the class to fulfill requirements for their majors. Others say it will help them as counselors.

Then there are those who are motivated by scoring some tips about finding “the one.”

Lindsey Teel, 23, is in class partly to learn how to find the right guy, “although I don’t want to admit it.”

“Romantic relationships are one of the most beautiful forms of human interaction,” she said. “They’re rare. The good ones are rare.”

Done right, these relationships create “a bond of trust,” Teel said, leading to some of the most joyful moments in our lives – a first kiss, falling in love, getting married and having children.

Teel and the other students – mostly women – turn to Acker, their Love Lecturer, who guides them through the twists and turns of Cupid’s arrow.

Society focuses so much on finding the perfect partner, but not on how to keep that mate, Acker said. She believes college is a good time to learn about creating healthy partnerships and hopes students will apply the lessons in their own lives.

“When you’re at that young college age, you’re still trying to figure yourself out and yet you’re trying to figure out how to have a relationship,” said Acker, a lecturer in UNT’s College of Education.

Standing in front of dozens of students last week, Acker explained how self-esteem dips among college-age students and how that could challenge relationships.

She discussed how relationships are a partnership of equals – at least in terms of their attractiveness. Rarely do you find an ugly duckling with a hottie.

Students brought in pictures of famous men and women they found attractive: Brody Jenner, James Franco, Reggie Bush, Jake Gyllenhaal. Jennifer Aniston, Carrie Underwood, Kim Kardashian, Reese Witherspoon.

One woman flashed a picture of Chace Crawford.

He looks like a 12-year-old, a student said.

“You crush my heart,” the woman responded.

Acker suggested that couples discuss Valentine’s Day ahead of time – and decide whether they would get dressed up and go out or exchange gifts.

“In our minds, we have this perfect expectation and picture of what this man is going to do for us on Valentine’s Day, yet we never say it out loud,” she said. “I don’t know how to expect guys to meet those expectations.”

Melissa Wish, 21, isn’t in the class to look for a man – she has a boyfriend – but she believes the class will help her when she’s a family counselor, especially when working with divorcing parents.

“I want to help parents stay friends through the divorce,” she said. “I understand why Mom and Dad aren’t going to work out, but I can help little Suzie understand.”

While taking the class, Teel has come to realize that she’s been going after the bad guys.

“They seem like they’re good and then they’re not,” she said. “They’re like wolves in sheeps’ clothing.”

Matt Whitaker, 26, has learned many lessons from the women of Room 131.

“In the beginning, women want that bad or dangerous guy,” Whitaker said, “but at the end of the day, when it’s all said and done, they want to know that their boyfriend or husband is there for them and loves, nurtures and protects them.”

So, to the good guys out there: Be patient and be nice. You’ve got a good shot.

Source: The Dallas Morning News

By Russell Salzman

It has been the bane of every man’s existence for the better part of recorded history, and has caused distress and heavy drinking for single people for nearly as long. It is the inevitable topic of a column devoted to sex and relationships, published in mid-February. Its name is Valentine’s Day, and you should all be very, very frightened.

Well, maybe not frightened, but at the very least vigilant and aware.

This is a holiday that is devoted to relationships and the love/like that is shared between two (or more, I’m not one to judge) individuals. At least that is its intention. What the holiday usually ends up doing is forcing men and women to spend ridiculous amounts of time and money on getting the perfect gift for their partners, and forcing all of us single people out there to reflect on the fact that we are, in fact, single. Whether by choice or by circumstance, no one likes to be reminded that they are alone on this holiday.

But my friends, please do not despair, for I have good news: if you find yourself grouped in with any of the aforementioned generalizations, you are viewing this holiday all wrong.

For those of you in a relationship or situation that warrants buying your partner a Valentine’s Day gift, think back to the golden rule for Christmas, birthdays and any other gift-giving occasion - it’s the thought that counts. Who cares if you spend that extra $40, $50, or even $100 on that giant bouquet of flowers that you put no time or effort into? Same goes with jewelry and pricey trinkets.

Romanticism draws from the creativity and effort that you are willing to use to put a smile on your partner’s face, and an extra-fast beat in their heart.

Cover her bed with hand-picked flowers, make your guy his favorite meal with his favorite brew or even just steal your partner away from a night of drinking Downtown so you can both cuddle on the couch and watch a bunch of your favorite movies; the best gifts are the ones that require more planning and thought than money. After all, anyone can swipe a credit card, but only your special someone can give you what your heart really desires.

And for you single people, please don’t think that I have forgotten about you. Although all your friends who are in relationships or are seeing someone will (hopefully) be spending the day/night with their partners, I guarantee you that there is still a significant number of single friends that you can surround yourself with so no one feels lonely when there is so much love in the air.

And believe me, love is in the air. Although you may enter the holiday single, that may not be how you leave it if you play your cards right. So go party or hang out with your friends, meet some new people and let the holiday work its magic. At the very least, you’ll have a fun night. At best, you’ll find yourself paying attention to a different section of this column next year - the part devoted to those in a relationship.

Use this coming week to plan an unforgettable Valentine’s Day for your special someone or to find yourself a new person to devote to your affection, and don’t let your relationship status hold you down.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Source: Pipe Dream

By: Living it Up / Carolin Vesely

Remember when your relationship was fresh and exciting and you and your beloved couldn’t keep your hands off each other? Just seeing him or her was enough to set your heart aflutter and give you butterflies in the pit of your stomach.

Ottawa sex therapist Sue McGarvie calls that feeling the “squoogies,” and if you haven’t had it for a long time, you’re not alone.

Modern life, with its endless distractions and to-do lists, has a way of pushing passion so far down the priority list that eventually it becomes just another thing to get done — if it makes the list at all.

“In my practice, I hear it over and over again from clients who say they’re just going through the motions, that their relationship isn’t as fulfilling as it once was,” says Thomasina Charney, a life coach living in rural Manitoba.

So Charney, a busy mom who also runs Rossman Yurts & Retreats with her husband, decided to do something to help couples bring the squoogies back.

The Valentine Weekend Great Sex for Life retreat takes place Feb. 12-14 at Elkhorn Resort & Spa in Riding Mountain National Park. McGarvie will be co-facilitating the event, along with her life partner and co-therapist Blaik Spratt.

Winnipeg standup comic Dan Licoppe will break the ice Friday evening following a meet-and-greet chocolate fondue, and there’ll be a ’50s/’60s-style dance and social on Saturday night.

The rest of the time, it’s all about sex — everything from building intimacy to improving technique to “keeping it hot.”

“This workshop is about the best fun, funny, adrenaline kick-starting ideas to keep your relationship from slipping into the ho-hum, ‘Do we really have to, I have a headache,’ pattern,” says McGarvie, a syndicated radio and television sex-show host and author of Quivering Jello: How to Have Mind-Blowing, Toe-Curling Orgasms and Lean and Lusty: The Libido Diet.

“Everyone wants to have that close relationship, to be that couple who hit their 60th anniversary still goosing each other and chasing each other around the cake, but the daily minutiae can make it really difficult.”

Never mind that men and women tend to have different ideas about intimacy — or at least how to get there.

“I try to explain to men why not doing the dishes can affect their sex life,” McGarvie says. “Because if you’re not feeling close to your partner, the last thing you want to do is have sex with them. And for men, that’s how they feel close.”

Any adrenaline-boosting activities that couples do together — paintball, whitewater rafting, etc. — will help them bond, she says, especially if it’s out of their comfort zone. The five things that great marriages have in common? Regular date nights, stopping the fight before it gets ugly, putting the other person’s needs first, sense of humour and inventive sex life.

Regarding the latter, McGarvie says it’s important that couples keep it hot with integrity.

“We’re not saying that you need leather and Crisco; it has to be suited to your relationship,” she says. “We call it being an ethical hedonist.”

As for the retreat, McGarvie says there are no lectures, and although it will be “very interactive,” it’s not group therapy — and no one will be put on the spot. Discussion topics will be determined by the results of a questionnaire that participants will fill out the first night.

“Maybe you’ll learn something, hopefully you’re going to feel closer,” she says. “I’m expecting you to bust a gut laughing and I’m expecting you to feel connected at the end of it — and that you did something for your relationship.”

(The anatomically correct puppets should help with the laughs.) continue reading

Source: Winnipeg Free Press

Read on as these women recall the times when Cupid’s arrow pointed straight toward disaster.

By Ashley Womble

Dream Date Disaster
A new guy surprised me by planning the perfect Valentine’s Day date: a romantic dinner followed by fireworks show on the beach. Everything was great until the check arrived. He asked me, “Should we split it or do you just want to pay for your meal?” After dinner we took a walk on the pier. He bumped into a girl, who was obviously his ex-girlfriend, and after talking and laughing for about 20 minutes without including me he finally said, “Oh sorry, this is my friend, Kat.” We broke up the next day. —Katrina, 19

Shot in the Heart
I had a crush on a close guy friend during college, so I was really excited when he asked me to come over to watch a movie on V-Day. I arrived at his dorm room with a handwritten poem that confessed how much I liked him. After I read it, he said, “That’s nice,” and promptly started the movie, Reservoir Dogs. It was clear by the first gunshot that romance was not on his mind. I was heartbroken and had to watch a gruesome, violent movie with no chance of cuddling with my crush. —Ashley, 28

On Thin Ice
I bought my boyfriend tickets to the Columbus Blue Jackets hockey game for Valentine’s Day. During a break in the game, my guy spontaneously grabbed and kissed me! I pulled away, because I was so shocked, and that’s when he pointed to the JumboTron screen. We had been on the “Kiss Cam,” and everyone in the arena had seen my snotty pull-away and embarrassed reaction. —Tina, 20

Ex Hits the Spot
After secretly dating two guys — Dan and Joe — for a few months, I told Joe I didn’t want a relationship, so that I could get serious with Dan. On Valentine’s Day, Dan took me out to dinner, and I almost choked on my drink when our waiter arrived. It was Joe! To make matters worse, Dan ordered a dish with béchamel sauce, which he loved. He gushed to the waiter, a.k.a. my ex, “If she could cook like this I’d marry her.” I wanted to die. —Cristina, 26

Honestly, Abe?
After a long dry spell, I was psyched to finally have a new guy in my life so we could spend Valentine’s Day together. Call me corny, but I was hoping I’d get flowers or chocolate — you know, what every girl wants! Instead, he gave me an old Abe Lincoln bobblehead that looked like it came from the bottom of his closet. I honestly didn’t even know what to say, so I just mumbled “thank you.” After a few more bad dates, I pulled off Abe’s head, and kicked that boy to the curb. —Adrienne, 17

Slacker Surprise
I decided to have a low-key Valentine’s Day with my live-in boyfriend. I had a feeling he was going to surprise me by making a special dinner or sending flowers. I didn’t talk to him all day, so I was really excited to see what he’d planned when I got home from work. I walked in the door to find him sitting in front of the TV in sweatpants. He gave me the lamest card I’ve ever seen and then asked, “What do you want to order for dinner?” I was shocked that to him low-key meant nothing at all. —Ali, 24

Party Foul
My boyfriend Matt and I didn’t have any special plans for V-Day, so he decided to have a few friends over for an impromptu get-together. I was a little pissed that he invited Krista, a girl I suspected had a thing for him. I played it cool until later that night, when he admitted that he had cheated on me with her a few months before. When I confronted her she denied it, but later I heard her ask Matt, “Why did you tell her?!” After a big blowout, I left the party and Krista spent the night with my guy! —Ciara, 18

Thief in the Night
The guy I’d been dating, Clay, was totally MIA on Valentine’s Day. At first I was worried, but after not hearing from him all day I started to get pissed. That night I got a call from the county jail, asking me to accept a collect call from … Clay! He had stolen his parents’ brand-new car and they reported it to the police. Even though I have a thing for bad boys, I broke up with that loser the next day. —Rachel, 22

Double Trouble
One Valentine’s Day, I planned an elaborate meal for my boyfriend. He acted really awkward during dinner, and when I gave him a gift he said, “Oh, I don’t have your gift. Can I give it to you tomorrow?” I found out later that he was dating another girl and had already celebrated V-Day with her earlier that evening! —Tiffani, 33

Source: lifestyle.msn.com

Ladies of the world, please realize that it takes a lot of guts to approach you. No guy wants to come across as a creepy lothario, so use one of these five gestures to let guys know you’re open to some flirtation.

By Married Jake

The great tragedy of the dating world is that the large population of guys who’d like to talk to a girl and the large population of women who are waiting to be talked to hardly ever meet each other…

As the old man of dating advice, I’d like to remind all you single ladies that as men, we are faced, often, with the simplest and yet most unsolvable of problems: if we approach a woman we don’t know, we’re the creepy pick-up artist who you’d like to escape from; if we don’t approach a woman we’ve never met, we are the wimpy guy who won’t take action.

That’s basically the internal dialogue going on in most men’s heads when they’re at a party or a bar and see someone they’d like to talk to. So we need to know that we’ve got a green light.

Here’s how to make it more likely that the guy will actually approach you (given that’s what you want)…

1. Uncross your arms
Nothing says ‘Do Not Enter’ like a pair of crossed arms. It makes a person seem suspicious, unhappy to be wherever she is, and likely to scold us.

2. Make a little unsubtle eye contact
Dude, enough with the fleeting glances. I can’t tell you how man times I’ve sat there talking to my friends about whether or not a woman gave a meaningful look or just happened to sweep over us with her gaze. You don’t have to look like a hungry cannibalistic zombie, but you should realize we like unambiguous signs.

3. Look bored
If you seem like you’re having the time of your life, we will be less likely to want to interrupt it.

4. Smile
Dorky and self-help 101 as it sounds, a smile makes someone way more approachable. It’s kind of the opposite of the crossed arms, as far as the advertisement you’re making to the world.

5. Don’t bring a guy as your wingman
It’s a temptation, since it makes a woman look less like she’s out looking to meet someone. But, you know, if you are out looking to meet someone, why try to hide it?

Source: lifestyle.msn.com

By Ellen McCarthy

The year she turned 30, Rebecca Bloch started dating a nice man. The type who did the right things and was ready to commit, talking of marriage after just a few months together.

The recent law school grad had spent the previous decade in a string of failed relationships. With every new guy she would adapt, tweaking some aspect of her personality to make it work. “And inevitably I’d go, ‘I can’t do this anymore,’ ” she says.

But this one was serious about her and “I thought, ‘Well, I guess that’s what settling down means — you settle,’ ” recalls Bloch, now 33.

Doctors blamed her tension headaches on the stress of studying for the bar exam. But when she was really honest with herself, she knew it was more than that. So in December 2006 she ended the relationship, then flew from Washington to Park City, Utah, to clear her mind doing the thing she loved best: skiing.

She decided she’d be like the women she’d met on chairlifts: happy and single. She would move to Denver, ski all the time and stop trying to fit her square peg into round holes. “I thought, ‘I’m not going to find anybody and that’s okay,’ ” she says. “I’m living for me.”

The headaches made a fast retreat, and Bloch, a Washington native and Sidwell Friends alumna, enrolled in a week-long ski school. She and a half-dozen other students, all in their 50s and 60s, were under the tutelage of Jorge Diaz Pardo, a Barcelona-born man who spent much of his 20s rotating between hemispheres, working as a ski instructor in New Zealand for half the year and Utah for the rest.

On the first day Diaz Pardo collected phone numbers for all his skiers in case anyone got separated. Bloch recalls thinking that Diaz Pardo “was this adorable Spanish ski instructor that I was going to have nothing to do with.”

Diaz Pardo chatted with his students about books and travel and their lives, and paid no special attention to Bloch. She found herself acting properly around the handsome European, until she became convinced he wasn’t interested. Then she relaxed into her more natural self, laughing loudly and telling dirty jokes.

Bloch had no idea that on their first meeting Diaz Pardo, now 31, had looked through her foggy ski goggles, caught a glimpse of her green eyes and thought, “I’m in trouble.”

On the fourth day he invited her to come swimming after ski school. She thought nothing of it until he grabbed her leg under the water and pulled her in for a kiss. “I remember being like, ‘What? ‘” says Bloch, now 33. “I was so shocked.”

She extended her trip five days. They toured a Mormon Temple, ate paella and skied. “We just talked about everything. And it was just so easy to be with him,” she says. “He’s so excited about everything. . . . He just seemed to love life.”

When it came time to return to Washington, Bloch was bereft. Diaz Pardo was also sad, but knew the drill about tourists: “You meet people every week, so you kind of detach,” he says. “You have a great time with people but then they go. And they go and they go . . . so you kind of create a defense mechanism.”

Still, they kept up through e-mail, Bloch always half-hoping Diaz Pardo would tell her to forget about studying for the bar and come back out to Utah. He cheered her on instead. In late February she packed her bags for Denver, took the Colorado bar and began her new life. When she and friends took a trip to Park City, roles were reversed. This time it was Diaz Pardo who wanted more. “It was like, ‘Here’s this great girl and I’m going to leave again,’ ” he recalls. ” ‘I’m going to go back to New Zealand and it’s going to be totally over.’ ”

He arranged to visit her in Denver and proposed a trip to Spain. Bloch hadn’t yet found a job so she agreed, their two long weekends together having rekindled her initial inklings that “this is somebody really special.” In Spain they hung out with his family, traveled to Morocco and talked about what they wanted this relationship to be. Anything serious might mean an end to his days as a wanderer.

“That was a huge existential debate for me,” Diaz Pardo says. For 20 days after Bloch left, he sat “staring at the wall,” wondering, “What am I going to do with my life?”

Finally he told his boss he wouldn’t be returning to New Zealand. It was time for stability, Diaz Pardo decided. Moreover, “I loved this girl.”

He moved to Denver, staying first for three months on a visitor visa, then in January 2008 enrolling in an MBA program as Bloch started her career as a public defender. And what began in both their minds as a fling morphed into something much more fixed. For the first time, Bloch found herself in a relationship that “was always just easy.” Both are adventure-seekers who see themselves as quasi-misfits and prefer to root for the underdog.

“It was just a soul mate in every sense of the word, and I never thought I’d be lucky enough to find my soul mate,” she says. “I thought that was just something people say.” In June, 2 1/2 years after they met, Diaz Pardo proposed in their Denver home.

There was a certain charm to the fact that Washington was hit with a record snowfall on the day of their wedding. (It was Bloch’s mom who “always said she thought it was far more important that I marry a skier than somebody Jewish.”) Guests sat by the windows of the Westin Grand’s courtyard Dec. 19, watching soft flakes glint on illuminated trees as they waited for Bloch to make her way down the aisle.

Once there she was serenaded by Diaz Pardo and her brother, doing an acoustic version of that Adam Sandler classic “I Wanna Grow Old With You.”

Source: Washington Post

By Susan Seligson

Why should your sex life dry up when you reach middle age? Susan Seligson says hers just keeps on getting better

I came of age sexually at the start of the 1970s. These were the sexual salad days of a generation, in that rose-coloured window between the appearance of the pill and the onslaught of HIV.

I was 16 when I started college. Along with an Indian bedspread, a plug-in teapot and a copy of On the Road, the trappings of my new life included the pill, dispensed like candy at the local clinic. Abortions, too, were easily available. At the campus clinic, doctors and nurses treated nuisances such as crabs and genital warts without a trace of moral judgment.

And so we did it whenever, wherever, with whomever; the act’s justification rarely more compelling than a shared dance, or conking out after a party in a house in which the people happened to outnumber the beds.

With libidos fuelled by recreational drugs, beer or just youthful hormones in overdrive, we suffered few regrets and little guilt. Our limbs were supple, our skin was unmottled, our bellies were flat. Though my friends and I routinely poured our hearts out to each other on a range of matters, a constant refrain was, “So, how was the sex?”.

How was the sex? Not so good. I know this now, in middle age, because I and many of my peers are having the best sex of our lives. Really. In fact, people my age and older seem to fall into two distinct categories: those who crave sex, feel entitled to it and thrive on it, and those who couldn’t care less if they never did it again.

Above all, good sex requires confidence. And confidence comes with age. When I was 18, 19, 20, I was too shy to discuss my desires with boyfriends, never mind one-night stands. None of us wanted it to be slam-bam, but slam-bam it mostly was. We pored over the book Our Bodies, Ourselves and concurred that we should taste our own menstrual blood and contort ourselves in front of a mirror, speculum in hand, but we didn’t truly inhabit our bodies. Mostly, we obsessed about being fat, which, ironically, few of us actually were.

When it came to sex, I followed my partners’ lead. My sexual behaviour reflected my general cluelessness. I couldn’t count the times I would force a faux-satisfied murmur while some guy worked furiously on a spot miles away from any serious nerve endings. Now I have carnal GPS — turn there, stop here — and men are grateful and not at all shy about directing traffic themselves.

Good sex requires a well-honed sense of the ridiculous. This, too, comes from experiencing love, loss, parenthood and random infirmities since the summer of love. Though as youths we considered ourselves ground-breakingly ­hilarious, we steered clear of laughing at ourselves.

Then again, when we were young and lacked a sense of power and self-awareness, unfunny stuff happened and we let it happen. What grown woman doesn’t harbour icky memories of boys smashing our heads into their laps like cops stuffing suspects into the back of a police car? No 50-plus woman I know would put up with such nonsense. Among consenting, mature adults these antics are irrelevant.

As a widow who has dabbled in online dating, I have awakened to a world crowded with unattached, 50-plus men and women who aren’t merely looking for sex, but for great sex. I know single women my age who simply won’t abide bad sex. If their efforts to improve the situation aren’t successful, they move on, telling anyone who asks that the sex was lousy and, as such, unacceptable. So much for the stereo­type of the postmenopausal sexual retiree.

Women’s magazines are awash with prescriptions for reinvigorating, or reviving, marital sex in the waning years: light candles, wear seductive lingerie, unplug the phone, uncork the K-Y, pop the Viagra. That drug and its ilk may have fewer women tiptoeing around the delicate matter of erectile dysfunction. However, these recipes for romance don’t address a big problem: many women over 50 are ashamed of their naked bodies.

Yet it isn’t a regimen of Pilates or eating like an air fern that makes you feel sexy. Sex makes you feel sexy. Fewer mirrors, more laughter, I say. Of women who are self-conscious about their flab, I ask, have you seen a guy over 50 without a spare tyre, or at least an undisguisable paunch? I know a man who looks like he’s 12 months pregnant and he gets all the sex he wants. It’s because he adores women, he’s full of mischief and he has been around long enough to know that sex with a smart, confident, cellulite-covered woman in her sixties is much more fun than watching a bony Victoria’s Secret model mesmerised by her own reflection.

What a shame that marital sex can be so fraught, even burdensome, that many of us allow sex to recede until it withers and dies. Maybe because I’m unattached and count myself as one of those women who wants a man in her life but not in her house, these days I sometimes view sex as akin to a spa treatment.

It’s invigorating, it gives me an all-over glow and it makes me feel attractive. It leaves me feeling peaceful and whole. At 50 and beyond, good sex reminds us how miraculous our flawed bodies can be. And it helps that you’re not gnarling the bed sheets with an Olympian poster boy. I suppose we should also be grateful that our near vision is failing to the point where the unsightly is invisible.

There’s another reason sex after 50 can and should be the best sex of our lives: our keen awareness of our mortality. Schopenhauer declared sex to be the “greatest affirmation of life”. Think of how sexually charged life ­becomes in a war zone. In advancing age, we are in a war zone of sorts.

A voracious, unbridled bout of sex is the best hedge against death, and it’s recession-proof. If we can still move, sex can make us feel better. Mysterious aches and pains evaporate. We sleep better. Postcoital food somehow tastes better, and we can eat it with the guiltlessness of an athlete.

Not long ago, I read an ­article about sex in old-people’s homes. The news was, not only does it exist, it is fairly common, and not only among committed couples. I find the notion ­inspiring. Nice to know that if we use it, we don’t lose it. And it sure beats ­doing the hokey cokey in the day room.

Source: timesonline

Too much emphasis placed on appearance
By Steve Penner

In a recent article published in USA Today, Todd Shackleford, a psychology professor at Florida Atlantic University, who has been studying infidelity for more than 20 years, states that people with low scores on personality tests that measure conscientiousness and high scores on openness to experience also are likely to cheat.

But Shackleford adds that especially for men, opportunity is also a major factor, as the temptation for successful guys with lots of money and whose careers cause them to travel away from home and who have women throwing themselves at them, will be far more likely to stray.

I am reminded of a comment that good old Samantha uttered on “Sex and the City,” “Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their (privates), because they can.” But in this column, titled “The Truth about Dating,” I want to focus on another reason that men and women eventually cheat on their spouses. I am not merely talking about celebrities, but everyday people. That factor is the overemphasis that both sexes (but especially men) place on physical appearance when they start dating.

I have written this before, but I cannot emphasize this fact enough. Both at the dating service that I ran for 23 years and through subsequent coaching of singles who sign up forInternet dating sites, I have seen too many people place far too much emphasis on physical appearance.

Unfortunately, so many people who play the dating game minimize all other factors except appearance when looking to meet someone, supposedly for a “long-term” relationship. Yes, these people state that they are looking to meet someone with whom they can grow old. Yet what they are really looking for is someone they find very attractive today.

So they ignore personality characteristics, similar values, etc., and look for a person who at this point in their life just “knocks their socks off.” Subsequently, when they find such a person, they ignore everything else, and believe in their heart of hearts that they have finally found Mr. or Ms. Right. After all, that is what happens in the movies.

Many times I listened to feedback from guys after first dates raving about what a great “match” they had just met. What made her such a terrific match? “She was absolutely breathtaking,” they would exclaim. And what about her personality? “Yeah, it seemed OK.” I have written all of this before in many columns over the past 4½ years. I have written about men who get their dating clues from watching gorgeous women parade before them on television commercials or in Victoria Secret catalogs. Then there are women whose dating priorities began to evolve when they were little girls watching the handsome Prince Charming sweep away Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty in their favorite Disney animated feature.

I have written about men who refuse to date a woman because she weighs 10 pounds more than the ideal or women who reject a man because he is two inches shorter than her preference. I have also written about the fact that the infatuation phase of any relationship has a shelf life far shorter than the number of years it takes to grow old with somebody.

So what happens when the initial physical infatuation for such people wears off, whether it is weeks, months, or years after the wedding? If they still want to stay together, perhaps because of the children or for financial reasons, then their eyes will begin to wander …; and inevitably one or both will cheat.

I am not talking about all couples, but I am talking about those couples who based their initial relationship primarily on physical attraction. Any man who tells his dating service counselor to focus only on physical appearance when finding him matches (and I heard many men make that statement), is a guy very likely to cheat down the road.

The same holds true for a woman who skims through her online dating service matches just looking for her tall, dark, and handsome “Prince Charming.” As for Tiger Woods, all his life he probably lusted after beautiful, Scandinavian-looking blondes with classic beauty, and he eventually found one. His wife, the Swedish Elin Nordegren, is the personification of such a gorgeous woman.

Of course I would guess that many gorgeous women who, when young, used their beauty to snare wealthy, successful men may be the victims of a philandering hubby even more than “normal” looking women. It is likely that such men tended to overlook undesirable personality traits when they first wed, and when the infatuation period began to fade, these guys’ eyes began to wonder.

I have often heard the quip “show me a man who has been married to a beautiful blonde for many years, and I will show you a man who lusts after gorgeous brunettes.” (Although Tiger seems to stick with blondes.) I have no way of knowing how Tiger felt about Elin’s personality, her values, her interests, her political views, etc., when he first met her. But I would suspect he couldn’t care less the moment he set eyes on her. Elin fit the image that he was looking for, and for a perfectionist like Tiger that was probably all it took for him to eventually propose.

Yet supposedly he was cheating on her even before they were married!

So, show me a couple who claim it was “love at first sight,” and then got hitched just a few weeks or months later, and I will show you a husband and or wife likely to eventually cheat.

Are there exceptions? Of course. But I would suggest they are about as rare as a double bogey by Tiger Woods during the final round of the Masters.

Source: seacoastline.com