Online Valentine

By SaferDates

For those already involved in a relationship, Valentine’s Day is a wonderful way to open up the lines of communication to let our significant other know how much we love them. For singles it can be a very emotional and vulnerable time and Valentine’s Day is the perfect day for scammers to target these emotions.

Online dating romance scams mainly target free dating websites or sites that do not moderate. They usually start with the scammer setting up a fake profile and making false promises. After building trust, scammers play on their victim’s emotions by planning to meet them in some faraway place or asking for money. To get what they want they may ask you personal questions about family members, where you live, your birthday or pry into your financial status. Do not share any of this information on your profile, merely describe who you are and what you are looking for in a partner.

Due to a 30 percent increase in online dating scams last year, more dating sites are working hard to weed out the scammers.  Unfortunately this percentage is a little higher because many victims do not report the scam - they are too embarrassed.

Safer online dating sites should include:

•    Moderating
•    Screening procedures to get accepted on the site.
•    Safety Tips
•    Background screenings
•    A way to contact the administration to report any suspicious activity.

Follow these safety guidelines and make this year a Valen-time to remember!

By Tom Blake

When older singles date new people, one of the most important precautions they should follow is to trust their instincts. If they sense something isn’t right about the new person, there is a strong chance they’re right.

But when people are lonely and want to be in a relationship and loved, they tend to downplay those instincts by viewing potential partners through rose-colored glasses.

Susie, an educated woman with a successful career, says she did just that. At 55, she met a man, 62, on Yahoo Personals. However, she learned that his listed name was not his true name and that his age was 66.

However, one can’t blame Susie for initially being impressed. She said: “He is well-educated (except he can’t spell), charming and writes e-mails that are like love letters. He says he has a nice home and a yacht in Florida. He states he is a partner in two corporations – one in entertainment and one in construction. He treated me well, spent time getting to know my family and even went to church with me. We made a lot of plans for the future together.”

When Susie saw red flags at the beginning of the relationship, she still elected to proceed, albeit cautiously. But not cautiously enough, as she explained:

“The first time I let my guard down, he made his move. I had something at my house that had been broken for a long time and he knew someone who could fix it. I was going out of town on a business trip and this was the only time he could come fix my problem (should have been a huge red flag). I left him my house keys. This was the first time I had let him have access to my house.

“When I got back from my business trip, I checked my bank account online and saw three checks written that I did not recognize. I called my bank and figured out what was going on.”

The man she had been dating had stolen her checkbook.

She called police. “While the policeman was at my house, I called the man and told him I knew what he had done and if he ever stepped foot on my property, I would have him arrested,” Susie said. “I never told him I filed a police report, because I did not want him to run. That night I had all the locks changed on my house.”

Susie said most everything he told her was untrue. He didn’t have a car or a job. Immediately after Susie ended the relationship, he was back on Yahoo Personals.

Susie didn’t hear anything from the police; she figured nothing would happen because it was a small crime.

She continued: “About 1½ years later, I got a letter from the district attorney. The man had been arrested and was sentenced to three years in prison and four years’ probation. He only served 1½ years and was supposed to start making restitution to me three months after he got out. I haven’t seen any of the money and don’t care. The amount was not great; my bank put the money back in my account because they should not have cashed the checks.”

Susie talked about the psychological effects: “It hurts to realize that I did not mean anything to him. I have been very embarrassed and angry at myself. Although the amount of money was not great, you cannot put a price tag on the hurt and suffering this man caused me.”

Lessons learned from Susie’s story:

• A background check may have saved Susie from this ordeal.

• It’s easy to blame the Internet. But what happened in Susie’s case happened after they were together in person.

• When legally violated, file a police report.

• Check your bank and credit-card statements often.

• Pay attention to red flags; trust your instincts. Don’t allow loneliness to cloud your thinking.

Women beware: This Internet-dating ex-con will strike again.

Source: The Orange County Register

By Jessica Walker

January is usually the time of year when everyone starts to reevaluate their eating and exercise habits.  So I wanted to share a personal tip that I hope helps you during this year’s reassessment.  First I need to disclose that I am not a personal trainer nor am I a nutritionist; I am just an average person that has found something that works for me and hopefully it will work for you too. And since nutrition and fitness are hobbies of mine, I wanted to share the little knowledge that I have gained over the years in hopes to either inspire or provoke some life changing action.

Of all the nutrition and dieting books that I have read, and there is a stack of them, only two books have stuck with me.  They are Eat Right for Your Type and Cook Right for Your Type.  These books promote a permanent change in eating habit vs. a temporary diet plan.  What I have struggled with through the other nutrition/diet books are they offer temporary solutions and not everyone can follow the set diet or eating plan.

After reading the Type books, I now understand why only certain groups of people benefit from one nutrition plan over another.  The Type books focus on the only thing that separates us humans from each other and it is not race or sex, it’s our blood types.

The Type books, for me, make the most sense from a scientific and anthropological standpoint.  The books explain the evolution of blood types - how, why and where they came about, what foods our ancestors ate and they very simply break down the chemical process by which your body identifies certain foods depending on your blood type.  The books identify what foods act as healing, neutral and harming to your body.  When I first read through the list of harmful foods I noticed that I naturally disliked most of them and naturally loved the foods that are healing.  Plus the list opened my eyes to many foods and recipes that I never considered before and now eat and use on a weekly basis.

I have been eating for my blood type for a couple years now and I can attest that it has truly changed my life for the better. I suffer from psoriasis and have noticed an improvement since adopting this eating style.  It has also changed the way I shop. A shopping tip that I gained from using this life plan is that I mostly shop in the perimeter of the grocery store.

Let’s look at what’s in the perimeter and examples of what I buy.  See if you can guess my blood type.

Frozen Section: Here you’ll find frozen fruits and vegetables, which the majority of the diet books advise using because they offer the most nutritional bang for your buck.  Frozen fruits can be used in smoothies or protein shakes.  Frozen veggies are great for soups and taking to work for a quick addition to your lunch.  Another awesome find in this section is Ezekiel bread. This bread is found in the frozen section because it’s made with certified organically grown live grains.  Its wheat free, gluten free and yeast free.  Its high in fiber, protein packed and is also a low glycemic food, which is diabetic friendly.  I use the multi-grain flavor for all my sandwiches and cinnamon raisin is excellent for breakfast or a snack.  You just pop the slices in the toaster to warm them up and voila!

Chilled Section: Organic low-fat milk and organic yogurt are my picks here.  I do splurge on heavy whipping cream which I use in my morning coffee.  It is so yummy!

Meat Section: Here I buy the meats that are for my blood type which are lamb, lean red meat, chicken, turkey, salmon, tuna, mussels and shrimp.  Time saving tip: If your store has a meat/fish counter ask them to steam and season your mussels so they are ready to eat as soon as you get home.  I usually do this on the days that I just don’t feel like cooking.

Produce Section: The fruits and veggies that I buy weekly that benefit my blood type are plums, pears, Granny Smith apples, bananas, mango, pineapples, watermelon, green beans, sweet potatoes, collard greens, onions, leeks, zucchini and squash. My grocery store also stocks cheese and chilled juices here, so I usually pick up sharp cheddar cheese slices, goat cheese and pineapple juice.

The items I pick up within the aisles besides paper goods and cleaning products are salted almonds, prunes, vegetable juice, olive oil, herbs and spices, cream of rice, honey, black eyed peas and brown rice.

For those of you that hate to read these types of books, remember that you only have to read the section on your blood type once you get past the introduction chapters, so you don’t have to read the entire book.  I know that made me happy!

Remember staying healthy, strong and confident is attractive to other singles and unappealing to an attacker.

Until next time, here’s to keeping you Safer in the City!

- Jessica

Too much emphasis placed on appearance
By Steve Penner

In a recent article published in USA Today, Todd Shackleford, a psychology professor at Florida Atlantic University, who has been studying infidelity for more than 20 years, states that people with low scores on personality tests that measure conscientiousness and high scores on openness to experience also are likely to cheat.

But Shackleford adds that especially for men, opportunity is also a major factor, as the temptation for successful guys with lots of money and whose careers cause them to travel away from home and who have women throwing themselves at them, will be far more likely to stray.

I am reminded of a comment that good old Samantha uttered on “Sex and the City,” “Men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their (privates), because they can.” But in this column, titled “The Truth about Dating,” I want to focus on another reason that men and women eventually cheat on their spouses. I am not merely talking about celebrities, but everyday people. That factor is the overemphasis that both sexes (but especially men) place on physical appearance when they start dating.

I have written this before, but I cannot emphasize this fact enough. Both at the dating service that I ran for 23 years and through subsequent coaching of singles who sign up forInternet dating sites, I have seen too many people place far too much emphasis on physical appearance.

Unfortunately, so many people who play the dating game minimize all other factors except appearance when looking to meet someone, supposedly for a “long-term” relationship. Yes, these people state that they are looking to meet someone with whom they can grow old. Yet what they are really looking for is someone they find very attractive today.

So they ignore personality characteristics, similar values, etc., and look for a person who at this point in their life just “knocks their socks off.” Subsequently, when they find such a person, they ignore everything else, and believe in their heart of hearts that they have finally found Mr. or Ms. Right. After all, that is what happens in the movies.

Many times I listened to feedback from guys after first dates raving about what a great “match” they had just met. What made her such a terrific match? “She was absolutely breathtaking,” they would exclaim. And what about her personality? “Yeah, it seemed OK.” I have written all of this before in many columns over the past 4½ years. I have written about men who get their dating clues from watching gorgeous women parade before them on television commercials or in Victoria Secret catalogs. Then there are women whose dating priorities began to evolve when they were little girls watching the handsome Prince Charming sweep away Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty in their favorite Disney animated feature.

I have written about men who refuse to date a woman because she weighs 10 pounds more than the ideal or women who reject a man because he is two inches shorter than her preference. I have also written about the fact that the infatuation phase of any relationship has a shelf life far shorter than the number of years it takes to grow old with somebody.

So what happens when the initial physical infatuation for such people wears off, whether it is weeks, months, or years after the wedding? If they still want to stay together, perhaps because of the children or for financial reasons, then their eyes will begin to wander …; and inevitably one or both will cheat.

I am not talking about all couples, but I am talking about those couples who based their initial relationship primarily on physical attraction. Any man who tells his dating service counselor to focus only on physical appearance when finding him matches (and I heard many men make that statement), is a guy very likely to cheat down the road.

The same holds true for a woman who skims through her online dating service matches just looking for her tall, dark, and handsome “Prince Charming.” As for Tiger Woods, all his life he probably lusted after beautiful, Scandinavian-looking blondes with classic beauty, and he eventually found one. His wife, the Swedish Elin Nordegren, is the personification of such a gorgeous woman.

Of course I would guess that many gorgeous women who, when young, used their beauty to snare wealthy, successful men may be the victims of a philandering hubby even more than “normal” looking women. It is likely that such men tended to overlook undesirable personality traits when they first wed, and when the infatuation period began to fade, these guys’ eyes began to wonder.

I have often heard the quip “show me a man who has been married to a beautiful blonde for many years, and I will show you a man who lusts after gorgeous brunettes.” (Although Tiger seems to stick with blondes.) I have no way of knowing how Tiger felt about Elin’s personality, her values, her interests, her political views, etc., when he first met her. But I would suspect he couldn’t care less the moment he set eyes on her. Elin fit the image that he was looking for, and for a perfectionist like Tiger that was probably all it took for him to eventually propose.

Yet supposedly he was cheating on her even before they were married!

So, show me a couple who claim it was “love at first sight,” and then got hitched just a few weeks or months later, and I will show you a husband and or wife likely to eventually cheat.

Are there exceptions? Of course. But I would suggest they are about as rare as a double bogey by Tiger Woods during the final round of the Masters.

Source: seacoastline.com

Date / Time:  11/24/2009 7:00 PM EDT

Category: Romance

Call-in Number: (718) 766-4680

Show Page: SaferDates Blog Talk Radio Show

Join SaferDates.com on November 24th at 7 PM as we interview Nancy Laine. Nancy is an expert Numerologist who began her matchmaking career as the founder of a popular online singles community based on Numerology. The Soulmate Connections Forum was launched in 2006 on the official forum for the hit movie The Secret. Using Numerology to introduce potentially-compatible partners in pre-assigned Meeting Rooms, it quickly became one of the site’s Top 10 forums and was responsible for the birth of many new romances during its time. Today Nancy continues to have a deep passion for philanthropy and connecting people with their soulmates for the “Greater Good”, both personally and professionally. Nancy believes that Numerology is a shortcut to discovering our true heart’s desire and life purpose as well as our partner’s, and that’s why it’s so helpful in choosing the right partners. “Teaching about Numerology is my favorite way of promoting humanitarian projects around the world”, she says. “They can’t help but succeed when these powerful new alliances are formed. There’s just something magical about doing our dreams TOGETHER!”

By Jessica Walker

On Sunday morning I overheard an interview on Fox and Friends about a cell phone application that provides instant background checks for singles.  At first I thought great idea; another tool to help our members.  I finished watching the interview, wrote down some notes and then went online to find out more.

Even though I would be promoting another company, my initial reaction was to gather as much information as possible so I could share it with our members.  After all, I am here to help keep you Safer in the City right?

But, all that positive thinking fizzled the more and more I researched the company behind the application, Intelius, and the application itself. Lets start with the company and mind you not much effort is needed to find something sketchy.

With just a quick Google search using the following words, “Intelius and scams”, I found this article in TechCrunch, from March 2009 describing a company swimming in consumer complaints and legal issues.

You’ll also find multiple sites with detailed consumer complaints.  Check out these links:

Complaints.com Consumers in control
Intelius.Pissedconsumer.com
Thesqueakywheel.com

Also, take a look at the comment trail on this article:
Topix

You’ll read that almost all of the customers complained of unauthorized monthly charges appearing on their credit or debit cards after paying for a one-time fee service on the Intelius site.  Some even complained that the searches they initially paid for weren’t accurate and could not be used.

Now let’s explore the cell phone application that Intelius has just launched in October through iPhone, Blackberry and Android. There are five searches that are available to cell phone customers once the application is downloaded and this is where it got creepy for me.  Although, I was okay with the first search called the “Sleaze Detector” which instantly checks for past criminal activity.  But then I noticed the other four searches that instantly check for the following:

Net Worth
•    Property ownership information
•    Home details (bedrooms, bathrooms, square footage, tax info)
•    Assessed property value

Compatibility
•    Birth Date
•    Horoscope and astrological
information

Interests
•    Social Network Info
•    Professional Info
•    Educational background

Living Situation
•    Names and ages of relatives, associates & roommates living at search subject’s residence

Reading through these searches made me nauseous.  My initial thought was what a brilliant tool for a criminal!  With just a name, phone number or email address Intelius can tell you all this information INSTANTLY.  Now I understand that some of this stuff is available online in some way, which is another problem, but starting in October it’s easier then ever to gather it in an instant one stop shop.

Does anyone else have a problem with some stranger learning about your property ownership, assessed property value and the names and ages of relatives living in your home?  What does that have to do with dating?  You would think marital status would have been number one on their search list but it was left out.  I guess they felt learning the number of bedrooms and bathrooms was more of a priority then whether someone was married or single.

Well you’ll be happy to learn that Safer Dates takes marital status very seriously as it is included in both our Level I & II Verifications and our InvestiDate tool.

Now that we know this application is out there, here is some advice on what to do to block some of your information from being shared through this tool.  Linda Criddle, the expert in my latest interview, “What the Fraud!”, talks about contacting local government agencies to request that your housing information remain private.  Linda spent 13 years at Microsoft where she was a pioneer in online safety for mobile devices and PC’s for the MSN division. She advises that within your home town learn what is public knowledge and accessible through the internet and request that it be removed.  Also, be sure to change the settings on your social networking sites so that only “connections” or “contacts” authorized by YOU can see your profile information.

To read about what Linda Criddle thinks on this new application go to her blog at ilookbothways.com.

One last thing… the tag line for this new application is “Look up before you Hook up”.  You can say that again!

Until next time, here’s to keeping you Safer in the City!

- Jessica

September 22, 2009

Join Jessica Walker, Author of the “Safer in the City” column for SaferDates.com, tonight as she interviews Yvonne Rice. Yvonne is a former Dating Agency Director and expert in the research of all aspects of the single lifestyle. She is a huge supporter of online dating and has researched 4,500+ online singles and over 6,000 online dating sites globally. As a result of this research, she is also the Author of two books dedicated to being single and dating online, “Love Sex Lies and the Internet Mouse ‘Trap’” and “Finding ‘The One’ - A Powerful Step-by-Step Guide to Making Online Dating Work for You”, available through SaferDates.com.

The radio show starts promptly at 7:00pm EDT and listeners can call in at 718-766-4680 to talk to Yvonne. Just click on the link below and enjoy the show.

Safer Dates discusses Love Sex Lies and the Internet Mouse “Trap”

A Safer Dates Melody by Eric Rosati