By Jessica Walker

Happy New Year everyone!  I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season and have started off the New Year on the right track.  If you’re struggling to find goals to focus on this year then let me introduce you to a friend that can help.  Last Tuesday night I interviewed a fantastic expert through our Blog Talk Radio Show that could help you get back on track both personally and professionally.

I encourage you all to listen to our latest broadcast, just a click away at the top of the blog, to hear some extremely useful information discussed with Ken Donaldson a professional Life Coach and Relationship Expert.  Then be sure to pick up a copy of Ken’s book, “Marry Yourself First“, to help you develop healthy relationships, inspiring careers and an overall passionate life.

I’ve asked Ken to elaborate more on one of the concepts from his book that was discussed on our show.

Here is what Ken Donaldson has to say:

Avoid Relationship Issues with Conscious Deal Makers and Deal Breakers

What do you “have to have” in your relationships? Yes, those absolute, non-negotiable essentials you must have in order for a relationship to even have a possibility of working for you? What are they? The good news is that when you settle for nothing less than these essentials, you’ll find your core relational needs are met. The problem, however, is that too many times in our current culture, people have become used to settling for less.

This outcome, as I see it, goes back to the fact that most people don’t know what they really want in a relationship. Yes, they may have a vague or general idea, but they don’t take the time to really get both clear and specific. The flipside is that when you know what you definitely want, and aren’t willing to accept anything less, then you’re far more likely to find a relationship that will be both lasting and fulfilling.
What I’m referring to here are your deal-makers and deal-breakers. Let’s look more closely…

Your deal-makers are the non-negotiable essentials and components in your life - THE requirements you have to have. Think about what it is that you must have in all areas of your life (i.e.: relationships, friends, romances, work, finances and home). It’s worth the time and thought you put into establishing these criteria because you’ll then know the specific goals (targets) and parameters (gauges) to guide your life.
But let’s be specific and focus only on relationships for now. Let’s say that a healthy lifestyle is on your list of deal-maker behaviors for your life partnership.

So you meet someone who has the looks and charm of Brad Pitt, the intelligence of Albert Einstein, the spirituality of Gandhi, and the money of Bill Gates, but he drinks excessively and has no desire to do any physical exercise.

In spite of all these attractive qualities, if you’ve carefully considered and compiled your deal-maker list, you’d never get involved, because that one crucial deal-maker of yours is unmet. When you know what these essentials are, and you make sure they’re fulfilled, you’ll find yourself feeling more satisfied in your relationships (and in all areas of your life).

It’s important for you to accept nothing less than these deal-makers, because these are absolute and non-negotiable boundaries.

And then there are the deal-breakers. These are the dynamics, characteristics and components which are absolutely not acceptable. Just like the deal-makers, there is no negotiation. You absolutely, positively will not accept these into your life under any circumstances EVER!

Let’s assume smoking is a deal-breaker. You meet an otherwise awesome guy who smokes, thus creating an automatic deal-breaker. No conversation, no negotiation, no second thoughts. You stick to your absolutes because you know what you absolutely have to have and what you absolutely will not accept.

If you don’t have a clear concept of what you absolutely, positively have to have in your relationships and what you’ll never ever accept in your relationships, you’ll most likely unnecessarily and destructively settle for less than what you really want, need, desire and deserve to have.

Without understanding and practicing this one dynamic, your relationships are likely to be doomed and you’re likely to miss out on a happy and fulfilled True Life.

Take the time to reflect on this and then write down your deal-makers and deal-breakers. Share your list with people you’re closet to (your inner circle) and ask them to help hold you accountable. Stick to your list and you’ll be well on your way to an amazing relationship…and an amazing life!

Contact Ken
ken@kendonaldson.com
727.394.7325

Learn more about Ken
www.kendonaldson.com

Special Offer: Receive a 25% discount on all of Ken’s services by mentioning the Safer Dates Blog Talk Radio Show.

Friday, November 20, 2009
By Yvonne Fulbright

The long-awaited breakthrough in women’s sexual dysfunction may be here. German drugmaker Boehringer Ingelheim (BI) GmbH claims to have made a pill that will awaken female sexual desire.

This Prince Charming of investigational compounds promises to arouse Cinderella by decreasing inhibitions. This experimental desire drug plays with her mind literally, working on the brain.

Known as Flibanserin, this magic pill has sexual medicine bracing itself for a Viagra-like reception of this first of its kind pharmaceutical treatment for her. With women likelier to report sexual problems than men, sales for the U.S. market alone are projected to surpass the $2 billion Americans spend on erectile dysfunction treatments.

Before the money starts rolling in, however, it will take the U.S. Food and Drug Administration 6-18 months to decide whether it will approve Flibanserin.

Still, should you be more concerned than hopeful over its promise to transform women’s sex lives?

Flibanserin was originally researched as a possible treatment for depression and not as a possible contestant in the race for a “female Viagra.” While it didn’t lift users’ moods, researchers noticed that sexual appetite was rated consistently higher on measures of well-being. This prompted BI to conduct three separate, 24-week clinical trials investigating its potential to treat hyposexual desire disorder, which in laymen’s terms translates to a low-libido.

The more than 5,000 female participants recruited in the U.S. and Europe were mostly professionals in their early 30s to mid-40s in stable, monogamous, communicative, heterosexual relationships with a sexually functional partner. They were concerned, bothered, or frustrated with their low desire or its negative impact on their relationships.

Upon starting the treatment, they were asked to gauge their “satisfying sexual events.” They were beeped once daily and asked to rate their desire, as well as note whether they had been sexually active that day and if it was enjoyable.

Findings revealed an increase in the number of satisfying sexual events and sexual desire while distress due to hyposexual desire disorder decreased. These satisfying events included sexual intercourse, oral sex, masturbation, or genital stimulation by one’s partner.

Sounds great, right? Before getting too excited, though, consider the controversial issues at hand.

Even prior to its press blast Monday, BI was finding itself in the middle of the debate on how to deal with low or no libido. Can it be as simple as popping a pill? Or do the often multiple and complex issues involved require a more thoughtful, holistic approach?

Regardless, is a lack of interest in sex a true medical condition? Is there even a disorder to treat to begin with? Decreased desire may serve an evolutionary purpose, for example, enabling females to take care of their offspring.

Female sexual dysfunction has been criticized for being a “disease” created by pharmaceutical companies to make healthy individuals believe they have a problem requiring medicine. Who is to say that it’s dysfunctional, especially when there can be other factors at play?

A person’s relationship, beliefs, values, feelings, comfort level, and motivations, as well as a host of other issues, may be to blame — not the body or brain.

Proponents for the drug argue that decreased female desire is all in her head — a brain dysfunction of sorts.

Regardless of which side you’re on, there are other unavoidable issues that must be attended to, like:

BI researchers don’t know how Flibanserin works. They don’t know why it failed as an antidepressant. They’re guessing on why it helps female libido. Relying on a model of sexual excitatory and inhibitory structures in the brain, they’re unable to pinpoint how or where Flibanserin acts.

What we do know is that Flibanserin is a serotonin drug, with the same 5-HT1A chemistry as Buspar (buspirone), an anti-anxiety drug that functions differently than traditionally anti-anxiety meds like Valium and is said to be nonhabit-forming. Flibanserin works by blocking the release of serotonin, a brain chemical which regulates mood, memory, sleep and appetite.

After 3-6 weeks of daily 100 milligram use, the brain’s production of the neurotransmitter dopamine should increase, stimulating desire. While that sounds fancy and seems to make sense, nobody knows what this drug is treating exactly. We also don’t know the implications, including the brain altering effects, of this psychoactive drug.

The difference in research findings between continents hasn’t been explained. While significant differences were found between those taking the drug versus those using the placebo in North America, the European trials found no significant increase in sexual satisfying events between its two comparison groups. Answering this question stands to open a whole can of worms, including how an individual measures desire.

Even the researchers involved in the studies admit that sexual desire is difficult to define. What is “normal” sexual desire? Right now, there is no baseline by which to define low desire disorder.

Why didn’t sexual desire diminish post-trial? BI has yet to explain why participants who took the drug reported that sexual desire didn’t diminish after the study concluded. This begs questions like did Flibanserin permanently affect participants’ brain chemistry? Or was brain chemistry not a significant factor in most low desire cases?

The drug’s long-term safety and potential withdrawal problems are unknown. Right now, we don’t know the safety of the drug beyond 6 months of use. Side effects in the first two weeks of trials included dizziness, fatigue, anxiety, nausea, daytime sleepiness, dry mouth, and insomnia. The majority of these were resolved with continued treatment, though it’s worth noting that 15 percent of participants discontinued treatment because of the side effects.

Despite studying the drug for over a decade, BI has yet to publish clinical test results proving the drug’s effectiveness. It does, however, need to wrap up its research, and may be able to respond to the red flags being raised.

With most women in the study stating that low desire had “crept up” on them over time, you or your partner may want to keep that in mind if chronic low desire is ever experienced.

Instead of reinforcing the “it’s all in her head” stereotype about females, consider drug-free strategies to get to a better place. These may include becoming more sexually informed, evaluating one’s contraceptive use, therapy, and/or cultivating better communication and a healthier relationship (or getting out of one).

Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, “Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.”

Source: www.foxnews.com