By Jessica Walker

I’ve become very familiar with the acronym RSA over the past couple days.  RSA stands for Rivest, Shamir and Adleman, the three MIT researches responsible for describing it in 1978.  According to Wikipedia, RSA is an algorithm for public-key cryptography.  It is the first algorithm known to be suitable for signing as well as encryption, and was one of the first great advances in public key cryptography. RSA is widely used in electronic commerce protocols, and is believed to be secure given sufficiently long keys and the use of up-to-date implementations.

RSA is also the Security Division of EMC, which is a world leader that designs, builds and manages secure information infrastructures.

So why have I suddenly gone “geek” on you?  Well, I stumbled upon an article, “The evolution of online identity and trust,” written by Scott Charney, corporate VP, Trustworthy Computing at Microsoft and wanted to share as much as I could on the topic of online security.

Mr. Charney was recently a keynote speaker at the 2010 RSA Conference that ended on March 5th in San Francisco, CA.  The RSA Conference attracts top security professionals from around the world to collaborate on IT security.

In his presentation, Mr. Charney discussed creating a safer, more trusted Internet and he touched upon identity security with a focus on authenticity and anonymity.  Mr. Charney and the folks at Microsoft have a vision of working with the public, private, social and economic sectors to create a kind of digital identification card that can be used much like we use a passport or a driver’s license.  Mr. Charney envisions the online user registering for this digital identification card in-person at a government office.  This card would allow a web user to interact online without having to pass along private information which in turn lets the user remain anonymous when needed.  It’s like flashing your driver’s license to a bouncer when entering a night club.  The bouncer only needs to verify that your face matches your photo and they will probably scan the card to prove it’s authentic.  The bouncer doesn’t store your address, birthday, height or eye color for later use nor do they require you to answer security questions before entering such as what is your mother’s maiden name or what was the name of your first pet?  The bouncer knows that the DMV has reviewed your birth certificate and social security card prior to issuing your driver’s license.

This is very exciting news, especially for the online dating industry.  The whole premise behind the SaferDates.com site is to try to ensure authenticity while maintaining a degree of anonymity.  We are thrilled to hear that the security industry is working diligently to develop digital identification technology.

Now how does all this tie into our site and your member profile in particular?  Well, this is very good lead into a service that we have woven into our member profiles and it’s called ReputationShare.

You’ve probably already noticed the ReputationShare box located at the bottom of your Personal Details section.  ReputationShare is just another tool that we offer to help you take control of your safety.

When I interviewed Linda Criddle, ReputationShare President, last year she had this to say about her product, “It helps identify and manage rogue users because, like credit bureaus, ReputationShare literally shares people’s online reputations across participating sites.  If someone has been abusing other Dating sites or their members, Safer Dates can see that information even as the person is registering and take appropriate steps. Unlike credit bureaus, the ReputationShare service does not receive or store any information about who the user is. Users stay entirely anonymous, but both positive and negative behaviors associated with their email alias are collected.  Second, it gives users the ability to make more informed choices about who they choose to interact with.”

I contacted Linda again to see what she thought about Mr. Charney’s article on authenticity and anonymity and this is what she had to say, “Partial anonymity isn’t about a need to know, it is about a user’s choice to share information to achieve greater trust. In an online dating scenario this could be manifest when a potential date wants others to know that they have a track record of decent behavior. In this case the potential date does not need to know anything about WHO you are, they just need to know HOW you behave. ReputationShare is a great example of a system that ensures anonymity of identity, and personal privacy, while providing solid information about a reputation.”  To read Linda’s blog click here.

Safer Dates believes abusive behavior in the cyber world can sometimes cross over into the physical world and we feel the ReputationShare tool will empower you to manage your own safety more effectively.

To learn more about ReputationShare please visit http://www.reputationshare.com/.

Until next time, here’s to keeping you Safer in the City!

- Jessica

Relationship Status

By Jessica Walker

As I was researching for this post, I was surprised at how important the “Relationship Status” has become on Facebook.  I honestly had no idea how critical this click was for a lot of people.  I guess I am confused because I primarily use Facebook to keep in touch with friends and family only.  It does not seem like a dating destination.  Besides, your close friends and family members should know your relationship status already and if they don’t then I would question why they are even on your connections or contacts list in the first place.

Now from a safety standpoint, I would avoid posting the following status options:

•    Single
•    Widowed
•    It’s Complicated
•    Swinger (MySpace option only)

Choosing any one of these status options is like throwing chum into the cyberland sea.  You may attract friendly fish but you’re also inviting predators as well.  Criminals swimming around lurking to feed on emotional carnage will be drawn to the Single status, It’s Complicated status and especially the Widowed status.  As for the Swinger status, that sounds to me like an invitation for a sketchy couple looking to rob you blind while the other keeps you occupied if you know what I mean.  If that’s your thing, please “tread” lightly.

My advice is focus your online dating interaction towards the sites that specialize in just dating and turn off your relationship status on sites like Facebook and MySpace.  If you’re worried about a missed opportunity, don’t sweat it!  If someone wants to know your status they can always send you a message through your profile page.  Which in turn gives you the opportunity to check them out before replying.

For those already in a relationship, I would also avoid the Relationship Status.  In my research, I read far too many stories of public humiliation due to someone changing their status before they had “the talk” with their partner or the bombardment of questions from concerned contacts once they noticed your status changed back to Single.  Check out this article where an ex-partner was harassed through Facebook to the point that a defamation suit was filed.

If your partner gets concerned because you’re not posting your status just simply tell them you are concerned with promoting too much of your personal life online.  I’m sure in this day and age they will understand.

Relationships are complicated enough.  So why layer in another element that could potentially cause you grief.  Let’s throw out the chum bucket and grab a good old fishing pole or two and cast our lines out into the online dating cyberland sea and score our next catch the safer way.

Until next time, here’s to keeping you Safer in the City!

- Jessica

Online Valentine

By SaferDates

For those already involved in a relationship, Valentine’s Day is a wonderful way to open up the lines of communication to let our significant other know how much we love them. For singles it can be a very emotional and vulnerable time and Valentine’s Day is the perfect day for scammers to target these emotions.

Online dating romance scams mainly target free dating websites or sites that do not moderate. They usually start with the scammer setting up a fake profile and making false promises. After building trust, scammers play on their victim’s emotions by planning to meet them in some faraway place or asking for money. To get what they want they may ask you personal questions about family members, where you live, your birthday or pry into your financial status. Do not share any of this information on your profile, merely describe who you are and what you are looking for in a partner.

Due to a 30 percent increase in online dating scams last year, more dating sites are working hard to weed out the scammers.  Unfortunately this percentage is a little higher because many victims do not report the scam - they are too embarrassed.

Safer online dating sites should include:

•    Moderating
•    Screening procedures to get accepted on the site.
•    Safety Tips
•    Background screenings
•    A way to contact the administration to report any suspicious activity.

Follow these safety guidelines and make this year a Valen-time to remember!

By Lori Gottlieb

The author of a provocative new book reveals why you’re wrong about Mr. Right.

A couple of years ago, I wrote a magazine article called “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.” In it, I confessed that, having found myself still single at 40, I’d come to an eye-opening realization: Had I known when I was younger what would make me happy in a fulfilling marriage, I would have made very different choices in my dating life. It was a hyperbolic essay with a serious message: Look for the important qualities in a partner, and let go of the stuff that won’t matter five, ten or 20 years down the line.

I’ve never believed that we should stop looking for Mr. Right (we shouldn’t!) – but I do think that by changing our rigid idea of who Mr. Right is, we’re more likely to find the right Mr. Right. You can’t just order up the perfect husband á la carte – I’ll take a little of this, a little of that, less of this and more of that. A guy is a package deal, as are we. Recognizing that isn’t settling. It’s maturity. The key is to focus on the qualities that lead to long-term romantic happiness.

In my new book, I asked experts, including marital researchers, sociologists, neurobiologists, couple therapists, behavioral economists, matchmakers, clergy and even our mothers (God help us!) how to tell the difference between smart compromises (which lead to happiness) and settling (which doesn’t). The answer is complex — and different for everyone. But here are five basic things I learned I should cut a guy some slack on before I assume he’s not The One:

1. His height. Let me say upfront that I’m 5’2″. With one-inch heels. And yet I always preferred to date guys who were taller than 5’9″ (and so I could kiss them while barefoot, shorter than 6’0″). But one expert explained how limiting this was: “Let’s say there’s a 50 percent chance you could be with a guy who’s 5’9″. That’s a height you like, but it could go either way depending on what else he brings to the table. There’s probably a five percent chance you could be with somebody who’s 5’4″ – but there’s a chance. Maybe if you spent an hour with Danny DeVito or Robert Reich, all of a sudden you would say, “You know what? This is somebody I could actually spend my life with” – even though the height is never going to be ideal. On the other hand, take somebody who’s unkind. There’s a 100 percent chance you won’t want to be with him. So I’m saying, what are the real irreducibles as opposed to the unlikelies?”

2. His Match.com profile. A Northwestern researcher who studies online dating (yes, there are scientists who make a living doing this) told me that I shouldn’t get too specific about my search parameters in online dating because in his research, he found that “there was a lack of correlation between what people said they wanted on a questionnaire, and what they actually pick when they meet a real, live person.”  Moreover, he added, don’t rule out a guy because you think you know what it means that he misspelled a word or likes Madonna. You have no idea who this person is until you meet him. An online profile, he said, “is like reading the ingredients on a box of food and trying to imagine what it would taste like.”

3. His occupation. Yes, alpha males are sexy and charming. But they aren’t always the best partners for me, especially if they travel for work all the time, need to be the center of attention and don’t have the same ideas about how to run a household that I do. As a dating coach explained to me, many women are attracted to super-ambitious and charismatic guys who are leaders — but it’s hard to find a person who has that kind of personality and also makes time for you and is able to put you first when it counts. Now Joe, the cute elementary school teacher, on the other hand … you get my point.

4. His age. The thing about being picky is you have to know what to be picky about. Apparently, I wasn’t picky enough on the things that matter (shared values, reliability, “getting each other”) and was too picky on the things that don’t (his age). While I wouldn’t want anyone to mistake my husband for my father, it’s foolish to decline a set-up with a guy just because he’s got less hair and more wrinkles than I do. This might sound beyond obvious, but many women end up dating guys with a chemistry of “9″ and a compatibility of “5.” The happiest couples, though, have both a chemistry and compatibility of “7.” Would I be more naturally attracted to a guy who’s my age? Yep. Would it matter that much in the scheme of things if he was 12 years older but still handsome? Probably not. Am I going to be more wrinkled one day and thrilled to be with a man who finds me attractive anyway? You bet.

5. How he compares to “my type.” One expert told me that when she first met her husband, she had no interest in him at all. He wasn’t her type. He didn’t fit her image of the kind of guy she imagined herself with. She was Ivy League-educated, and he was a potter. At first there were no sparks. Nada. But the more time she spent with him, the more she liked him. And then the sparks flew. They’ve been married for 20 years. “In America,” she explained, “when a potter makes a pot, they put a glaze on it and put it in the kiln and know exactly what it’s supposed to look like when it comes out. But when the Japanese make a pot, they put it in a wood-fire kiln that could be any temperature, and when they take the pot out, it’s not always exactly like they thought it was supposed to look like. And they say, ‘Oh, wow, this is what the fire did to the pot and it’s gorgeous!’ They believe there’s no beauty in perfection. So instead of knowing what the person sitting across from you is supposed to be like, the question you have to ask is, ‘Do I like it?’ instead of ‘How does it compare to what I thought I wanted?’ People can surprise you.”

Indeed. I ended up falling hard for a 5’6″, balding, bow-tie-wearing guy I almost didn’t e-mail on Match.com. He wasn’t who I had in mind, but he was who I wanted to be with. And that, of course, is the thing that matters most.

Source: wowowow.com

By Tom Blake

When older singles date new people, one of the most important precautions they should follow is to trust their instincts. If they sense something isn’t right about the new person, there is a strong chance they’re right.

But when people are lonely and want to be in a relationship and loved, they tend to downplay those instincts by viewing potential partners through rose-colored glasses.

Susie, an educated woman with a successful career, says she did just that. At 55, she met a man, 62, on Yahoo Personals. However, she learned that his listed name was not his true name and that his age was 66.

However, one can’t blame Susie for initially being impressed. She said: “He is well-educated (except he can’t spell), charming and writes e-mails that are like love letters. He says he has a nice home and a yacht in Florida. He states he is a partner in two corporations – one in entertainment and one in construction. He treated me well, spent time getting to know my family and even went to church with me. We made a lot of plans for the future together.”

When Susie saw red flags at the beginning of the relationship, she still elected to proceed, albeit cautiously. But not cautiously enough, as she explained:

“The first time I let my guard down, he made his move. I had something at my house that had been broken for a long time and he knew someone who could fix it. I was going out of town on a business trip and this was the only time he could come fix my problem (should have been a huge red flag). I left him my house keys. This was the first time I had let him have access to my house.

“When I got back from my business trip, I checked my bank account online and saw three checks written that I did not recognize. I called my bank and figured out what was going on.”

The man she had been dating had stolen her checkbook.

She called police. “While the policeman was at my house, I called the man and told him I knew what he had done and if he ever stepped foot on my property, I would have him arrested,” Susie said. “I never told him I filed a police report, because I did not want him to run. That night I had all the locks changed on my house.”

Susie said most everything he told her was untrue. He didn’t have a car or a job. Immediately after Susie ended the relationship, he was back on Yahoo Personals.

Susie didn’t hear anything from the police; she figured nothing would happen because it was a small crime.

She continued: “About 1½ years later, I got a letter from the district attorney. The man had been arrested and was sentenced to three years in prison and four years’ probation. He only served 1½ years and was supposed to start making restitution to me three months after he got out. I haven’t seen any of the money and don’t care. The amount was not great; my bank put the money back in my account because they should not have cashed the checks.”

Susie talked about the psychological effects: “It hurts to realize that I did not mean anything to him. I have been very embarrassed and angry at myself. Although the amount of money was not great, you cannot put a price tag on the hurt and suffering this man caused me.”

Lessons learned from Susie’s story:

• A background check may have saved Susie from this ordeal.

• It’s easy to blame the Internet. But what happened in Susie’s case happened after they were together in person.

• When legally violated, file a police report.

• Check your bank and credit-card statements often.

• Pay attention to red flags; trust your instincts. Don’t allow loneliness to cloud your thinking.

Women beware: This Internet-dating ex-con will strike again.

Source: The Orange County Register

Experts weigh in on starting, ending and improving the relationships in your life

By Kathy Megan

Here are some tips for people with relationships on their mind — whether it’s ending, improving or starting one.

Is it over?

If you’re feeling fear, distrust, contempt or a lack of respect, major work is in order, says Donna Ferber, a psychotherapist in Farmington, Conn., who specializes in life transitions. She suggests therapy as soon as possible.

“The longer you wait to go the doctor, the harder the cure,” she says. “If you think something is wrong, chances are it is.”

Of course, if violence or abuse is present, a partner should get help as soon as possible.

Another take on this comes from Nancy Brockett, a licensed professional counselor in West Hartford, Conn.

“If every time you are thinking about the relationship, there is a dread that comes over you, that’s an indication that it’s probably not what you are really wanting,” Brockett says. “If there is a sense of life when you are thinking about your relationship, a spark, even a small spark, then you are wanting to check that out.”

When to tie (or untie) the knot

Peter Kane, a licensed clinical social worker in New Haven, Conn., advises: Consider your ability to listen and talk to each other.

Says Kane: “Does the relationship make you feel more productive and energetic in other places in your life as well? Does the relationship help you, not strain you?”

One of the biggest mistakes people make, Ferber says, is to think “if we get married, he’ll settle down” or “he won’t yell as much.”

If a relationship changes after marriage, it is usually for the worse.

Generally, she says, “what you see is what you get.”

What about you?

Take a close look at yourself and really decide whether you are being the person you want to be, Kane advises.

Ask yourself, “Would I want to be married to me?”

This may be difficult to approach honestly because so often people are convinced that it’s their partner who is making life so hard for them.

Recognizing your role in the situation is key to improving it.

Getting over a breakup

Realize it will take some time, Ferber advises. Take time to understand what you both did wrong.

“Give yourself time to be alone,” she says, and don’t let well-meaning friends and family push you into dating before you are ready.

If you’re recovering from divorce, Ferber says, realize that it’s an evolving process and that it’s not just the loss of your spouse, it’s the loss of an entire lifestyle. Make sure you eat well, get enough sleep, and avoid alcohol and drugs.

Try something new, but don’t make drastic changes. Try a new exercise class, for instance, but don’t suddenly quit your job and move across the country.

“You can’t run away from the problem,” says Ferber.

Meeting someone new

Tell all your friends you want to meet someone, Ferber says. Get involved in activities that you enjoy or support; this will lead to meeting like-minded people.

For instance, you may want to volunteer for a group that helps others, or work for a political campaign or try a new sport. Online dating is also an option.

Source: Chicago Tribune

By Rinsky

Thinking back to our high school English teachers, we may wonder what the heck they would know about online dating. Or dating at all, for that matter.

But Dianne Sweeney, a Marana native who now teaches high school English in California, has learned enough about the online dating scene to write a whole book about it.

Kissing Frogs in Cyberspace chronicles some of her humorous – and downright disastrous – online dating experiences. Sweeney was sweet enough to give us some of her insider knowledge.

Like the best way to go about online dating.

“You have to be yourself,” she said. “Do not lie about your weight, age, height. Be yourself.”

She also cautions not to take others at face value.

“Do NOT give people your personal address until you have met them a couple of times,” she warned in an e-mail. “Everybody is on his/her best behavior the first couple of dates. However, it won’t take long for their true colors to show if they are hiding anything.”

One guy who showed up 30 minutes late after Sweeney took a 45-minute drive to meet him, might have been better off hiding the truth.

“He apologized profusely and I asked what happened,” Sweeney said. “He said his mom wouldn’t let him out of the house until he walked his dog. He was 41 years old. The date went downhill from there.”

She did find a keeper through her online experiences. “He was sweet, funny, and enjoyed life,” she said. “He was very respectful.”

Unfortunately, his job didn’t keep him local and their relationship did not survive being a long distance romance.

“Don’t get frustrated,” is advice she both gives and follows. “Try a few different sites, and just have fun and laugh.”

Sweeney started online dating since she’s a busy woman. In addition to teaching English, she makes time for biking, reading and enjoying time with her favorite cat Scout.

“I thought (online dating) might be one way to find a Harry for my Sally,” she said. “I am still waiting.”

But she’s not giving up.

“Don’t get discouraged,” she repeats. “Dating is hell, and we are all out there.”

Source: tucsoncitizen.com

Following a divorce, getting back into the dating scene is always a bit daunting - especially when you’re a new single parent. A fellow post-divorce singleton shares her experiences and advice…

By Diane Mapes

As much as we’d love for them to last, marriages sometimes come with an expiration date. After that comes a court date. And then, after a few months (or years), comes a date of an entirely different sort: the first post-divorce date. Seattle writer Theo Pauline Nestor had been married for nearly 12 years when she suddenly found herself entering unfamiliar single territory. Not surprisingly, she responded by putting pen to paper, creating her compelling memoir, How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size Bed. We talked to Theo about how she made the journey from devoted wife to dazed divorcee to happy, independent singleton. Here’s what she had to say.

Q: What hit you the hardest after you and your husband split up?
A: The silence. When I was married, I would call my husband after I left somewhere and say “We just finished lunch and we’re headed to the zoo” or whatever. In the first weeks after our split, I’d take out my cell phone and then realize that no one was waiting to find out what I was doing. I felt like I was rattling around in the world without a tether.

Q: Did you eventually come to appreciate your single status?
A: I had glimmers of “Wow, I can do whatever I want now,” but the reality of having two young children usually tempered that pretty quickly. I don’t want to scare anyone who has just started going through this, but it probably took me about two years before I felt a steady optimism about the future. It might take less time or more for others, depending on the length and intensity of the marriage and other factors in your life.

Q: When did you start dating again?
A: I ended up dating my college-era sweetheart seven months after my husband and I split up, but it wasn’t really dating per se, because we knew each other and had already been romantically involved. Real dating — the little I did of it — came three years after my divorce, when my boyfriend and I split up.

Q: What was the best and worst advice you got from your friends and family?
A: My life coach probably helped me avert a disaster during the initial days of the divorce by telling me not to make any big changes for six months and to take time to grieve. My sister also convinced me to go on a vacation with her and she’s not a person one says no to. (She’s a psychologist and a trained hostage negotiator.) We went to Mexico, ate a lot of guacamole, drank tequila and talked for hours. And I came home hopeful. As for bad advice, I have to say I’m not a big fan of being told to remember “This, too, shall pass.” Yes, of course it will pass, but that’s not a huge solace when you’ll be dealing with your ex until you’re old enough to withdraw from your 401(k) without penalty.

Q: Some people take classes after a breakup; others climb into a bottle. What helped you get through the first six months?
A: Friends, exercise, therapy, work and reading. I also found that when I was writing about the divorce, I felt like I had more control over it, and I don’t think that’s just because I’m a writer. I think pouring thoughts out on paper during the divorce process is a very helpful way to deal with the fear. Even if you’re not normally a journal keeper, this might be a good time to use one.

Q: What advice would you give someone who’s fresh out of a long-term relationship?
A: Treat yourself like you would treat a child who just went through something horrible. Don’t beat yourself up for what you should have done differently. Put yourself to bed early if you’re tired. Call friends if you’re lonely. Buy yourself new music once in a while, even if you’re broke. To be single successfully, you really need to be actively on your own side, to be constantly on the lookout for your own best interests.

Q: So where are you now in terms of life, love and being a mom?
A: I really love where I am now, even if it isn’t always easy. I’m dating a great guy I met online —as a stay-at-home writer and a mom, I knew I’d never meet anyone unless I extended myself. I’m having fun with my two daughters, and I’m working on a new book about a single mom who refuses to settle for less than everything she wants. (OK, it’s about me!)

Source: lifestylemsn.com

By Susan Seligson

Why should your sex life dry up when you reach middle age? Susan Seligson says hers just keeps on getting better

I came of age sexually at the start of the 1970s. These were the sexual salad days of a generation, in that rose-coloured window between the appearance of the pill and the onslaught of HIV.

I was 16 when I started college. Along with an Indian bedspread, a plug-in teapot and a copy of On the Road, the trappings of my new life included the pill, dispensed like candy at the local clinic. Abortions, too, were easily available. At the campus clinic, doctors and nurses treated nuisances such as crabs and genital warts without a trace of moral judgment.

And so we did it whenever, wherever, with whomever; the act’s justification rarely more compelling than a shared dance, or conking out after a party in a house in which the people happened to outnumber the beds.

With libidos fuelled by recreational drugs, beer or just youthful hormones in overdrive, we suffered few regrets and little guilt. Our limbs were supple, our skin was unmottled, our bellies were flat. Though my friends and I routinely poured our hearts out to each other on a range of matters, a constant refrain was, “So, how was the sex?”.

How was the sex? Not so good. I know this now, in middle age, because I and many of my peers are having the best sex of our lives. Really. In fact, people my age and older seem to fall into two distinct categories: those who crave sex, feel entitled to it and thrive on it, and those who couldn’t care less if they never did it again.

Above all, good sex requires confidence. And confidence comes with age. When I was 18, 19, 20, I was too shy to discuss my desires with boyfriends, never mind one-night stands. None of us wanted it to be slam-bam, but slam-bam it mostly was. We pored over the book Our Bodies, Ourselves and concurred that we should taste our own menstrual blood and contort ourselves in front of a mirror, speculum in hand, but we didn’t truly inhabit our bodies. Mostly, we obsessed about being fat, which, ironically, few of us actually were.

When it came to sex, I followed my partners’ lead. My sexual behaviour reflected my general cluelessness. I couldn’t count the times I would force a faux-satisfied murmur while some guy worked furiously on a spot miles away from any serious nerve endings. Now I have carnal GPS — turn there, stop here — and men are grateful and not at all shy about directing traffic themselves.

Good sex requires a well-honed sense of the ridiculous. This, too, comes from experiencing love, loss, parenthood and random infirmities since the summer of love. Though as youths we considered ourselves ground-breakingly ­hilarious, we steered clear of laughing at ourselves.

Then again, when we were young and lacked a sense of power and self-awareness, unfunny stuff happened and we let it happen. What grown woman doesn’t harbour icky memories of boys smashing our heads into their laps like cops stuffing suspects into the back of a police car? No 50-plus woman I know would put up with such nonsense. Among consenting, mature adults these antics are irrelevant.

As a widow who has dabbled in online dating, I have awakened to a world crowded with unattached, 50-plus men and women who aren’t merely looking for sex, but for great sex. I know single women my age who simply won’t abide bad sex. If their efforts to improve the situation aren’t successful, they move on, telling anyone who asks that the sex was lousy and, as such, unacceptable. So much for the stereo­type of the postmenopausal sexual retiree.

Women’s magazines are awash with prescriptions for reinvigorating, or reviving, marital sex in the waning years: light candles, wear seductive lingerie, unplug the phone, uncork the K-Y, pop the Viagra. That drug and its ilk may have fewer women tiptoeing around the delicate matter of erectile dysfunction. However, these recipes for romance don’t address a big problem: many women over 50 are ashamed of their naked bodies.

Yet it isn’t a regimen of Pilates or eating like an air fern that makes you feel sexy. Sex makes you feel sexy. Fewer mirrors, more laughter, I say. Of women who are self-conscious about their flab, I ask, have you seen a guy over 50 without a spare tyre, or at least an undisguisable paunch? I know a man who looks like he’s 12 months pregnant and he gets all the sex he wants. It’s because he adores women, he’s full of mischief and he has been around long enough to know that sex with a smart, confident, cellulite-covered woman in her sixties is much more fun than watching a bony Victoria’s Secret model mesmerised by her own reflection.

What a shame that marital sex can be so fraught, even burdensome, that many of us allow sex to recede until it withers and dies. Maybe because I’m unattached and count myself as one of those women who wants a man in her life but not in her house, these days I sometimes view sex as akin to a spa treatment.

It’s invigorating, it gives me an all-over glow and it makes me feel attractive. It leaves me feeling peaceful and whole. At 50 and beyond, good sex reminds us how miraculous our flawed bodies can be. And it helps that you’re not gnarling the bed sheets with an Olympian poster boy. I suppose we should also be grateful that our near vision is failing to the point where the unsightly is invisible.

There’s another reason sex after 50 can and should be the best sex of our lives: our keen awareness of our mortality. Schopenhauer declared sex to be the “greatest affirmation of life”. Think of how sexually charged life ­becomes in a war zone. In advancing age, we are in a war zone of sorts.

A voracious, unbridled bout of sex is the best hedge against death, and it’s recession-proof. If we can still move, sex can make us feel better. Mysterious aches and pains evaporate. We sleep better. Postcoital food somehow tastes better, and we can eat it with the guiltlessness of an athlete.

Not long ago, I read an ­article about sex in old-people’s homes. The news was, not only does it exist, it is fairly common, and not only among committed couples. I find the notion ­inspiring. Nice to know that if we use it, we don’t lose it. And it sure beats ­doing the hokey cokey in the day room.

Source: timesonline

EVANSVILLE, IN (WFIE) - An Evansville couple engaged to be married 30 years ago finally said their vows.

Terry Devoy and Michael Schmitt said their ‘I do’s’ at the Ritzy’s Fantasy of Lights display in Garvin Park.

Devoy works for St. Mary’s and Schmitt works for the IBEW.

Both organizations are affiliated with Ritzy’s, so that’s why they chose to be married there.

The couple was engaged 30 years ago and things just didn’t work out, but earlier this year, the couple rekindled their relationship after running into each other on an online dating site.

“I feel God released him to me,” Devoy said. “At one point he gave my engagement ring to the church and asked God to bring me back to him. So I think this is all really beyond me.”

“I don’t think we are the same people we were 30 years ago,” Schmitt said. “I think both of us have grown a little bit. I think I’m more in love with her now than back then.”

Appropriately, Devoy and Schmitt got married in front of the Santa’s castle and Victorian marriage proposal displays.

They said Christmas time is the time when miracles happen.

Source: wfie.com