By Eric Aasen

Lessons in Love

DENTON – For the college women gathered in Room 131, if you wanna know if he loves you so, it’s not in his kiss – it’s in his eyes.

“His eyes look like they’re probing into you, looking into your soul,” one exclaimed.

“Pretty blue eyes,” another said.

“Almond-shaped eyes.” “Soft eyes, so you look at them and you’re like, ‘Awwww. You look like a puppy.’ ” “Smiley eyes.”

There’s a whole lotta lovin’ goin’ on in the Romantic Relationships course at the University of North Texas. Yes, college students – some of whom specialize in beer bongs, late-night parties or casual hook-ups – are taking a scholarly approach to personality, friendship, attraction, dating and marriage.

So aside from pretty peepers, does the ideal man have a well-defined jaw?

Hands shot up in the air so fast, the students’ arms practically fell off.

Their professor, Jennifer Acker, quickly whipped them back into reality.

“This may be the hottest guy ever that walks into the room, but is he going to provide for the family and really help out?”

His looks may light up a room, but will he really light up a room by replacing that burned-out light bulb?

“There’s nothing sexier than a man with a vacuum cleaner,” Acker said.

For these students, there’s no need to search those bottomless piles of self-help books at the bookstore this Valentine’s Day. Forget Dr. Phil. Turn off The Bachelor and other syrupy find-me-a-lover shows.

The UNT class was formed just a couple of years ago, but there’s so much interest that students are being turned away. Similar courses are popping up on across the country.

Some students take the class to fulfill requirements for their majors. Others say it will help them as counselors.

Then there are those who are motivated by scoring some tips about finding “the one.”

Lindsey Teel, 23, is in class partly to learn how to find the right guy, “although I don’t want to admit it.”

“Romantic relationships are one of the most beautiful forms of human interaction,” she said. “They’re rare. The good ones are rare.”

Done right, these relationships create “a bond of trust,” Teel said, leading to some of the most joyful moments in our lives – a first kiss, falling in love, getting married and having children.

Teel and the other students – mostly women – turn to Acker, their Love Lecturer, who guides them through the twists and turns of Cupid’s arrow.

Society focuses so much on finding the perfect partner, but not on how to keep that mate, Acker said. She believes college is a good time to learn about creating healthy partnerships and hopes students will apply the lessons in their own lives.

“When you’re at that young college age, you’re still trying to figure yourself out and yet you’re trying to figure out how to have a relationship,” said Acker, a lecturer in UNT’s College of Education.

Standing in front of dozens of students last week, Acker explained how self-esteem dips among college-age students and how that could challenge relationships.

She discussed how relationships are a partnership of equals – at least in terms of their attractiveness. Rarely do you find an ugly duckling with a hottie.

Students brought in pictures of famous men and women they found attractive: Brody Jenner, James Franco, Reggie Bush, Jake Gyllenhaal. Jennifer Aniston, Carrie Underwood, Kim Kardashian, Reese Witherspoon.

One woman flashed a picture of Chace Crawford.

He looks like a 12-year-old, a student said.

“You crush my heart,” the woman responded.

Acker suggested that couples discuss Valentine’s Day ahead of time – and decide whether they would get dressed up and go out or exchange gifts.

“In our minds, we have this perfect expectation and picture of what this man is going to do for us on Valentine’s Day, yet we never say it out loud,” she said. “I don’t know how to expect guys to meet those expectations.”

Melissa Wish, 21, isn’t in the class to look for a man – she has a boyfriend – but she believes the class will help her when she’s a family counselor, especially when working with divorcing parents.

“I want to help parents stay friends through the divorce,” she said. “I understand why Mom and Dad aren’t going to work out, but I can help little Suzie understand.”

While taking the class, Teel has come to realize that she’s been going after the bad guys.

“They seem like they’re good and then they’re not,” she said. “They’re like wolves in sheeps’ clothing.”

Matt Whitaker, 26, has learned many lessons from the women of Room 131.

“In the beginning, women want that bad or dangerous guy,” Whitaker said, “but at the end of the day, when it’s all said and done, they want to know that their boyfriend or husband is there for them and loves, nurtures and protects them.”

So, to the good guys out there: Be patient and be nice. You’ve got a good shot.

Source: The Dallas Morning News

By Russell Salzman

It has been the bane of every man’s existence for the better part of recorded history, and has caused distress and heavy drinking for single people for nearly as long. It is the inevitable topic of a column devoted to sex and relationships, published in mid-February. Its name is Valentine’s Day, and you should all be very, very frightened.

Well, maybe not frightened, but at the very least vigilant and aware.

This is a holiday that is devoted to relationships and the love/like that is shared between two (or more, I’m not one to judge) individuals. At least that is its intention. What the holiday usually ends up doing is forcing men and women to spend ridiculous amounts of time and money on getting the perfect gift for their partners, and forcing all of us single people out there to reflect on the fact that we are, in fact, single. Whether by choice or by circumstance, no one likes to be reminded that they are alone on this holiday.

But my friends, please do not despair, for I have good news: if you find yourself grouped in with any of the aforementioned generalizations, you are viewing this holiday all wrong.

For those of you in a relationship or situation that warrants buying your partner a Valentine’s Day gift, think back to the golden rule for Christmas, birthdays and any other gift-giving occasion - it’s the thought that counts. Who cares if you spend that extra $40, $50, or even $100 on that giant bouquet of flowers that you put no time or effort into? Same goes with jewelry and pricey trinkets.

Romanticism draws from the creativity and effort that you are willing to use to put a smile on your partner’s face, and an extra-fast beat in their heart.

Cover her bed with hand-picked flowers, make your guy his favorite meal with his favorite brew or even just steal your partner away from a night of drinking Downtown so you can both cuddle on the couch and watch a bunch of your favorite movies; the best gifts are the ones that require more planning and thought than money. After all, anyone can swipe a credit card, but only your special someone can give you what your heart really desires.

And for you single people, please don’t think that I have forgotten about you. Although all your friends who are in relationships or are seeing someone will (hopefully) be spending the day/night with their partners, I guarantee you that there is still a significant number of single friends that you can surround yourself with so no one feels lonely when there is so much love in the air.

And believe me, love is in the air. Although you may enter the holiday single, that may not be how you leave it if you play your cards right. So go party or hang out with your friends, meet some new people and let the holiday work its magic. At the very least, you’ll have a fun night. At best, you’ll find yourself paying attention to a different section of this column next year - the part devoted to those in a relationship.

Use this coming week to plan an unforgettable Valentine’s Day for your special someone or to find yourself a new person to devote to your affection, and don’t let your relationship status hold you down.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Source: Pipe Dream

By: GateHouse News Service

Tip of the Week

Valentine’s Day is coming, and that means there might be romance in the air at your workplace. Here are five tips from business etiquette expert Barbara Pachter, author of the book “NewRules@Work: 79 Etiquette Tips, Tools, and Techniques to Get Ahead and Stay Ahead,” to help you and your significant other share a copier by day and a bedroom by night without hurting your professional image:

1. Do not broadcast your relationship on any social media sites. Keep the relationship private. Your co-workers do not need to know the intimate details of your romance. No posting information or photos about your latest love interest on Facebook or sending tweets about it. You never know who will see them.

2. No giant billboards in Times Square! If the relationship fails, be professional and adult about it. A recent billboard in New York publicly announced the affair between Charles Phillips, co-president of Oracle Corporation, and his mistress. Even if you have been jilted and the relationship ends badly, you cannot vent your negative feelings in public. This is the risk of office relationships. They sometimes don’t work out and then you have to continue to see or work with the person.

3. No physical contact in the office. No romantic displays. No secret kissing, caressing, hand holding or sex in the office. This also includes your behavior at office parties.

4. Don’t e-mail X-rated Valentine’s Day cards. E-mail is not private. Do not mail an unsigned Valentine’s Day card to a co-worker. Being a secret admirer is not a corporate concept.

5. Your boss shouldn’t be your valentine. Relationships are tricky enough without your boss or subordinate being your valentine. If you are dating your boss, have your reporting relationship changed.

Source: McPhersonSentinel.com

Date/Time: 1/26/10 7:00pm  EDT

Category: Romance

Call-in Number: (718) 766-4680

Show Page: SaferDates Blog Talk Radio Show

Join Safer Dates as we interview Dr. Nancy H. Wall about Matchmaking,Dating and ultimately finding the Love of Your Life.

Nancy is the President and Founder of Tampa Bay MatchMakers. For over 20 years, she has been instrumental in designing and facilitating adult education programs for major corporations, universities, community colleges, and the Tampa Jewish Family Services. Prior to starting Tampa Bay MatchMakers, she formed the Tampa Jewish Singles Network, a workshop series which provided education, information, and support for single parents and their children. Dr. Wall earned her PhD in Adult Education from the University of South Florida, an MBA from Crummer Graduate School/Rollins College, a BS in Psychology from Duke University, and certifications in Project Management from George Washington University, Life Coaching from Coach Training Alliance, and Matchmaking from the Matchmaking Institute in New York. She is the proud mother of two children, and shares an extraordinary relationship with the love of her life!

By Harriet Ryan

The police sought a person who claimed to be Bree Condon and who had bilked thousands out of men in an online scam. They were surprised to meet Justin Brown.

Postings over the last two years on the website Who’s Dated Who hint at the number of men who may have been scammed. After the site authors listed both actor Colin Farrell and professional basketball player Marko Jaric as dating Condon, a visitor calling himself Michael Curry wrote, “love the gossip but bree and i have been dating for months.” Others replied with warnings.

“She is bad news,” read one typical posting.

Interestingly, another user disparaging Condon identified himself as Justin Brown.

“I dated her too. Really sweet at first then it’s $5,000 a month just to be one of her boyfriends,” the posting read.

Brown remains in jail, and his court-appointed lawyer did not return calls seeking comment. Satterlee, the detective investigating the Austin case, described him as “cooperative” in an interview with police.

“He made statements that substantiated the information,” Satterlee said.

Jason Boone, a researcher at the National White Collar Crime Center who has studied Internet scams, said Condon’s case stood out as an unusual “true case of identity theft” among the more common schemes targeting bank accounts or credit card information.

“Here you are actually stealing someone’s name and likeness,” he said. As a criminal operation, it is rarer than viruses or e-mail con letters that aim to steal financial information, likely because those require less work, he said.

Impersonating someone else “takes a little more attention and a lot more motivation on the part of an individual to create this type of attractive profile to lure people in,” Boone said.

Austin police are investigating whether Brown created a fake “official” website for Condon as well as Facebook and MySpace profiles in her name. According to the arrest warrant, his days impersonating the model came to an end after he sent a message to Carbona, the Fort Myers investor.

“It opens to this picture of a beautiful woman. A damsel in distress,” Carbona said of the message he received this fall through a networking application on his iPhone. The sender claimed to be Condon and to know Carbona through a friend. She said she was in dire financial straits after an airline had lost her luggage, he recalled.

After several phone conversations, however, Carbona concluded, “I think I have someone who is full of baloney.” He tracked down the real Condon on a film shoot in Wales and said she told him it was a long-standing problem and referred him to her private investigator. Carbona, whose father and grandfather were police officers, said he cooked up a sting operation to pinpoint the fake Condon’s location by offering to pay her motel bill.

He passed the address to the private investigator who notified authorities. He was stunned when the person arrested was male.

“I’d been talking to this person for three months,” Carbona said. “I’m telling you this guy has either had his gonads removed or he is talking through a voice synthesizer.”

“He has a very feminine voice,” Satterlee, the case detective, confirmed.

Brown’s arrest went unnoticed online, where questions about Condon’s real identity and love life linger.

Source: The Los Angeles Times

Some brave guy friends broke the male code of silence. If he does any of the following, he’s pretty much saying, you know, that phrase.

1. You catch him staring at your eyes.
The eyes are more than just windows to a man’s soul, they can also be a tattletale to what’s welling in his heart. Men always ogle the objects they desire — it’s the reason you’re always busting us cleavage-peeping. So consider: With all that eye candy out there, if it’s you he’s staring at, his affection runs deep. There are two types of I-love-you looks. There’s the secret stare (you’ll have to catch him in the act). “Watching my girlfriend at a party allows me a private moment when I can pinch myself and wonder how I deserve this amazing person in my life — a perspective I can’t get when she’s right there in front of me,” says Patrick, 30.

Then there’s the steady gaze. Guys are guarded when it comes to showing emotion. If they lock eyes for a full-tilt, unabashed stare, they’re lowering their shield to let you in. “I’d never hold that sort of eye contact with anyone else, but an intense gaze with my girlfriend reflects how comforted and captivated I am by her,” says Chip, 29.

2. He stocks his kitchen with stuff you like.
Discovering that his kitchen is loaded with biscotti, lemon-lime seltzer, and other feminine edibles (that would only pass his lips at gunpoint) shows you’re lingering on his mind in the most unexpected, unromantic places — like the produce aisle on a solo shopping trip. “One day I checked out my shopping cart and saw all the bags of baby carrots and bottles of diet soda meant for my girlfriend,” says Patrick. “It struck me that it had become second nature for me to consider what would make her happy, and that’s when I knew I was in love.”

Furthermore, stocking up means he’s gone public with your place in his pad. You see, men like to maintain at least the image of being detached for as long as possible. So leaving unmistakable evidence in our home that there’s a woman present in our life is a bright red flag that you’re The One.

3. He talks about where he wants to live in three years.
Telling you he plans to relocate out West one day may seem like a neon warning not to get any long-term ideas because your man’s getting set to leave you in the dust. However, it might also be his wily way of letting you know that he wants you in his future. “Every time I tell my girlfriend where I see ‘me’ down the road, I’m really trying to gauge whether she sees herself there with me,” says Jon, 26. So how do you know when a guy’s just bragging about his grand game plan and when he’s quietly declaring his love? It’s all in the way he talks. If he tells you he wants to move to Tahiti, be a beach bum, and ogle the local girls, no dice. If he mentions that he sees himself eventually settling in San Francisco, then immediately asks if you could ever envision living there, he’s emitting serious long-term relationship rays.

4. He wears the sweater you gave him all the time.
Trusting you behind the wheel of his wardrobe is something no man does readily. Not that guys are really all that picky about their appearance, it’s just that we pride ourselves on being, well, ourselves. “Blame it on the inflated male ego, but to permit any tampering with our identity, even if it’s for the better, is considered a sign of weakness,” explains Seth, 29. Consequentially, every time a guy does don some item he obviously didn’t pick out for himself, he’s showing that he’s letting you take control and do a little remodeling. It’s a bold statement, one that guarantees he’ll encounter a certain amount of abuse from his peers. Translation: He’s willing to endure his pals’ ridicule to make you happy.

5. He stands right next to you in public.
Where he stands when you’re out together says a lot about where you stand in his life. Consider this key truth: Call us dogs for it, but guys are hard-wired to check out women. “It’s second nature for men to scan every room they enter for possible trade-ups if he’s still in the market for Ms. Perfect,” says Robert, 31. That’s why when a man’s still uncertain about his feelings, he’ll either trail several feet behind you or get out in front and lead the path — two safety positions that keep his wandering eyes hidden. “But if he’s in love, he’ll squelch this most basic male instinct,” says Chad, 28. Sidling up shoulder-to-shoulder is his way of showing his commitment by keeping his eyes right where you can see them. Plus, sticking close puts him in range of being touched in public by you, and that limits his ability to go after a sexy chick he may spy. “Being side-by-side puts my girlfriend within lips’ reach, making it easy for her to whisper in my ear or lean in for a surprise quick kiss,” says Ryan, 27. “It’s my way of telling other women that I’m taken.”

6. He doesn’t flinch if you pick up his phone.
Men never know what potentially image-damaging force might be lurking on the other end of their phone line — from ex-girlfriends looking for a last hurrah to an overly inquisitive mom. If we let you answer that jingling time bomb, it means there’s absolutely nothing about us we want to keep concealed from you. “Men aren’t big on sharing. So when a guy lets you grab the phone — possibly making you privy to personal information you could use to blackmail him for the rest of his life — it means he’s planning on staying with you for a very long time,” says Rich, 29.

But more than just sharing his secrets, a guy handing you the rights to his receiver is essentially the same as giving you the key to his kingdom. “A guy’s phone is the last thing left in a relationship that’s truly his own,” says Jeremy, 26. “Giving up that remaining piece of autonomy is something I only do with someone I love.”

Find Out if He’s Falling for You: Little tip-offs that the guy you’re dating is getting in deep:

* He arrives at the restaurant for your dinner dates before you do.
* He remembers the names of your friends (and not just the pretty ones).
* He does things with you during prime sports time (weekend afternoons from 1 to 7).
* He asks about your family.
* He tells you the secret that his best friend told him never to tell anyone.
* He picks you up from the airport … during rush hour.

Source: lifestyle.msn.com

My fairy tale adventure though BeautifulPeople.com!

By Jessica Walker

I hope you all enjoyed the fairy tale beginning to this two part article.  I had a lot of fun writing it.  Although, I hope you read into the sarcasm that was dripping from each sentence.

And now for the million dollar question… “Mirror, Mirror on the wall is Jessica beautiful at all?”  You’ll have to read to the end to find out.

If you are wondering, yes I did in fact register with BeautifulPeople.com.  I can attest that this site definitely caters to “looks” as the profile information is minimal and your admission is based on the opposite sex rating your profile image over a 48 hour time frame.

On your profile they offer the following sections to complete about yourself that the other members can access:

Name: Appears next to your profile image

Profile Description: Text box to offer anything on yourself

Profile Information: Date of birth, country, home address, cell phone number and private homepage

Occupation: Education, job title and job description

Profile details: Car owner, smoker, hair color, eye color, Weight in lbs., Height in feet, body type (slim, average, athletic, muscular etc…)

Interested in: Check a box for love, fun and flirts, social networking, business networking, invitations to parties and events.

In order to get a favorable rating you need to really market yourself through the chat rooms, add friends to your profile and of course rate the other profiles.  The site to me is more of a social networking platform and less of a match making destination. There are no matching filters or tests for personality/compatibility.  This site also seems to cater to heterosexuals only since the members of the opposite sex determine who stays and who goes.

From a safety standpoint I am fine with this site.  You have the option to offer very minimal personal information, which I advise. I would refrain from completing the majority of the Profile Information as it gives away your birthday, home address and cell number.  They offer many ways to communicate with someone without having to give out your cell number or personal email address.  Beautiful People does not offer background checks but that’s what we are here for, right!

I personally do not have a problem with this site.  I believe they have every right to do what they are doing.  Relationships are initially based on looks and if that is their niche then they should strive to be the best at it.  Our niche is safety and we have dedicated our business to being the best at that.  Besides, you don’t have to join their site if you are offended.  There are plenty of other dating sites available, but if that is your preference then perfect there is a site that caters to you.

As a marketing professional, I LOVE options.  Options are empowering to me.  You could say I find beauty in choice.  It’s wonderful to be able to pick and choose whether I want to offer my support for a particular company.   Now it’s up to you to make the choice and that’s the BEAUTY I like to advocate.

Now to answer the million dollar question… I did not make the cut, even with a few favorable ratings.

So I turned to the mirror one last time, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who decides beauty after all?”

The mirror replied, “Now you ask the right question my dear.  It’s not the cyberland men that’s clear.  You must not search for it far and wide, it is everywhere, right here and outside.  It’s blowing through the trees, and soaring up in the sky, it’s laughing out loud and even in a cry.  It’s seen through the eyes, felt with the hands and heard like a melody dancing across the lands.  My sweet child without further ado, there’s nothing more to review, the answer is plain and simple it’s YOU.”

Until next time, here’s to keeping you Safer in the City!

Jessica

Following a divorce, getting back into the dating scene is always a bit daunting - especially when you’re a new single parent. A fellow post-divorce singleton shares her experiences and advice…

By Diane Mapes

As much as we’d love for them to last, marriages sometimes come with an expiration date. After that comes a court date. And then, after a few months (or years), comes a date of an entirely different sort: the first post-divorce date. Seattle writer Theo Pauline Nestor had been married for nearly 12 years when she suddenly found herself entering unfamiliar single territory. Not surprisingly, she responded by putting pen to paper, creating her compelling memoir, How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size Bed. We talked to Theo about how she made the journey from devoted wife to dazed divorcee to happy, independent singleton. Here’s what she had to say.

Q: What hit you the hardest after you and your husband split up?
A: The silence. When I was married, I would call my husband after I left somewhere and say “We just finished lunch and we’re headed to the zoo” or whatever. In the first weeks after our split, I’d take out my cell phone and then realize that no one was waiting to find out what I was doing. I felt like I was rattling around in the world without a tether.

Q: Did you eventually come to appreciate your single status?
A: I had glimmers of “Wow, I can do whatever I want now,” but the reality of having two young children usually tempered that pretty quickly. I don’t want to scare anyone who has just started going through this, but it probably took me about two years before I felt a steady optimism about the future. It might take less time or more for others, depending on the length and intensity of the marriage and other factors in your life.

Q: When did you start dating again?
A: I ended up dating my college-era sweetheart seven months after my husband and I split up, but it wasn’t really dating per se, because we knew each other and had already been romantically involved. Real dating — the little I did of it — came three years after my divorce, when my boyfriend and I split up.

Q: What was the best and worst advice you got from your friends and family?
A: My life coach probably helped me avert a disaster during the initial days of the divorce by telling me not to make any big changes for six months and to take time to grieve. My sister also convinced me to go on a vacation with her and she’s not a person one says no to. (She’s a psychologist and a trained hostage negotiator.) We went to Mexico, ate a lot of guacamole, drank tequila and talked for hours. And I came home hopeful. As for bad advice, I have to say I’m not a big fan of being told to remember “This, too, shall pass.” Yes, of course it will pass, but that’s not a huge solace when you’ll be dealing with your ex until you’re old enough to withdraw from your 401(k) without penalty.

Q: Some people take classes after a breakup; others climb into a bottle. What helped you get through the first six months?
A: Friends, exercise, therapy, work and reading. I also found that when I was writing about the divorce, I felt like I had more control over it, and I don’t think that’s just because I’m a writer. I think pouring thoughts out on paper during the divorce process is a very helpful way to deal with the fear. Even if you’re not normally a journal keeper, this might be a good time to use one.

Q: What advice would you give someone who’s fresh out of a long-term relationship?
A: Treat yourself like you would treat a child who just went through something horrible. Don’t beat yourself up for what you should have done differently. Put yourself to bed early if you’re tired. Call friends if you’re lonely. Buy yourself new music once in a while, even if you’re broke. To be single successfully, you really need to be actively on your own side, to be constantly on the lookout for your own best interests.

Q: So where are you now in terms of life, love and being a mom?
A: I really love where I am now, even if it isn’t always easy. I’m dating a great guy I met online —as a stay-at-home writer and a mom, I knew I’d never meet anyone unless I extended myself. I’m having fun with my two daughters, and I’m working on a new book about a single mom who refuses to settle for less than everything she wants. (OK, it’s about me!)

Source: lifestylemsn.com

By Ellen McCarthy

The year she turned 30, Rebecca Bloch started dating a nice man. The type who did the right things and was ready to commit, talking of marriage after just a few months together.

The recent law school grad had spent the previous decade in a string of failed relationships. With every new guy she would adapt, tweaking some aspect of her personality to make it work. “And inevitably I’d go, ‘I can’t do this anymore,’ ” she says.

But this one was serious about her and “I thought, ‘Well, I guess that’s what settling down means — you settle,’ ” recalls Bloch, now 33.

Doctors blamed her tension headaches on the stress of studying for the bar exam. But when she was really honest with herself, she knew it was more than that. So in December 2006 she ended the relationship, then flew from Washington to Park City, Utah, to clear her mind doing the thing she loved best: skiing.

She decided she’d be like the women she’d met on chairlifts: happy and single. She would move to Denver, ski all the time and stop trying to fit her square peg into round holes. “I thought, ‘I’m not going to find anybody and that’s okay,’ ” she says. “I’m living for me.”

The headaches made a fast retreat, and Bloch, a Washington native and Sidwell Friends alumna, enrolled in a week-long ski school. She and a half-dozen other students, all in their 50s and 60s, were under the tutelage of Jorge Diaz Pardo, a Barcelona-born man who spent much of his 20s rotating between hemispheres, working as a ski instructor in New Zealand for half the year and Utah for the rest.

On the first day Diaz Pardo collected phone numbers for all his skiers in case anyone got separated. Bloch recalls thinking that Diaz Pardo “was this adorable Spanish ski instructor that I was going to have nothing to do with.”

Diaz Pardo chatted with his students about books and travel and their lives, and paid no special attention to Bloch. She found herself acting properly around the handsome European, until she became convinced he wasn’t interested. Then she relaxed into her more natural self, laughing loudly and telling dirty jokes.

Bloch had no idea that on their first meeting Diaz Pardo, now 31, had looked through her foggy ski goggles, caught a glimpse of her green eyes and thought, “I’m in trouble.”

On the fourth day he invited her to come swimming after ski school. She thought nothing of it until he grabbed her leg under the water and pulled her in for a kiss. “I remember being like, ‘What? ‘” says Bloch, now 33. “I was so shocked.”

She extended her trip five days. They toured a Mormon Temple, ate paella and skied. “We just talked about everything. And it was just so easy to be with him,” she says. “He’s so excited about everything. . . . He just seemed to love life.”

When it came time to return to Washington, Bloch was bereft. Diaz Pardo was also sad, but knew the drill about tourists: “You meet people every week, so you kind of detach,” he says. “You have a great time with people but then they go. And they go and they go . . . so you kind of create a defense mechanism.”

Still, they kept up through e-mail, Bloch always half-hoping Diaz Pardo would tell her to forget about studying for the bar and come back out to Utah. He cheered her on instead. In late February she packed her bags for Denver, took the Colorado bar and began her new life. When she and friends took a trip to Park City, roles were reversed. This time it was Diaz Pardo who wanted more. “It was like, ‘Here’s this great girl and I’m going to leave again,’ ” he recalls. ” ‘I’m going to go back to New Zealand and it’s going to be totally over.’ ”

He arranged to visit her in Denver and proposed a trip to Spain. Bloch hadn’t yet found a job so she agreed, their two long weekends together having rekindled her initial inklings that “this is somebody really special.” In Spain they hung out with his family, traveled to Morocco and talked about what they wanted this relationship to be. Anything serious might mean an end to his days as a wanderer.

“That was a huge existential debate for me,” Diaz Pardo says. For 20 days after Bloch left, he sat “staring at the wall,” wondering, “What am I going to do with my life?”

Finally he told his boss he wouldn’t be returning to New Zealand. It was time for stability, Diaz Pardo decided. Moreover, “I loved this girl.”

He moved to Denver, staying first for three months on a visitor visa, then in January 2008 enrolling in an MBA program as Bloch started her career as a public defender. And what began in both their minds as a fling morphed into something much more fixed. For the first time, Bloch found herself in a relationship that “was always just easy.” Both are adventure-seekers who see themselves as quasi-misfits and prefer to root for the underdog.

“It was just a soul mate in every sense of the word, and I never thought I’d be lucky enough to find my soul mate,” she says. “I thought that was just something people say.” In June, 2 1/2 years after they met, Diaz Pardo proposed in their Denver home.

There was a certain charm to the fact that Washington was hit with a record snowfall on the day of their wedding. (It was Bloch’s mom who “always said she thought it was far more important that I marry a skier than somebody Jewish.”) Guests sat by the windows of the Westin Grand’s courtyard Dec. 19, watching soft flakes glint on illuminated trees as they waited for Bloch to make her way down the aisle.

Once there she was serenaded by Diaz Pardo and her brother, doing an acoustic version of that Adam Sandler classic “I Wanna Grow Old With You.”

Source: Washington Post

By Susan Seligson

Why should your sex life dry up when you reach middle age? Susan Seligson says hers just keeps on getting better

I came of age sexually at the start of the 1970s. These were the sexual salad days of a generation, in that rose-coloured window between the appearance of the pill and the onslaught of HIV.

I was 16 when I started college. Along with an Indian bedspread, a plug-in teapot and a copy of On the Road, the trappings of my new life included the pill, dispensed like candy at the local clinic. Abortions, too, were easily available. At the campus clinic, doctors and nurses treated nuisances such as crabs and genital warts without a trace of moral judgment.

And so we did it whenever, wherever, with whomever; the act’s justification rarely more compelling than a shared dance, or conking out after a party in a house in which the people happened to outnumber the beds.

With libidos fuelled by recreational drugs, beer or just youthful hormones in overdrive, we suffered few regrets and little guilt. Our limbs were supple, our skin was unmottled, our bellies were flat. Though my friends and I routinely poured our hearts out to each other on a range of matters, a constant refrain was, “So, how was the sex?”.

How was the sex? Not so good. I know this now, in middle age, because I and many of my peers are having the best sex of our lives. Really. In fact, people my age and older seem to fall into two distinct categories: those who crave sex, feel entitled to it and thrive on it, and those who couldn’t care less if they never did it again.

Above all, good sex requires confidence. And confidence comes with age. When I was 18, 19, 20, I was too shy to discuss my desires with boyfriends, never mind one-night stands. None of us wanted it to be slam-bam, but slam-bam it mostly was. We pored over the book Our Bodies, Ourselves and concurred that we should taste our own menstrual blood and contort ourselves in front of a mirror, speculum in hand, but we didn’t truly inhabit our bodies. Mostly, we obsessed about being fat, which, ironically, few of us actually were.

When it came to sex, I followed my partners’ lead. My sexual behaviour reflected my general cluelessness. I couldn’t count the times I would force a faux-satisfied murmur while some guy worked furiously on a spot miles away from any serious nerve endings. Now I have carnal GPS — turn there, stop here — and men are grateful and not at all shy about directing traffic themselves.

Good sex requires a well-honed sense of the ridiculous. This, too, comes from experiencing love, loss, parenthood and random infirmities since the summer of love. Though as youths we considered ourselves ground-breakingly ­hilarious, we steered clear of laughing at ourselves.

Then again, when we were young and lacked a sense of power and self-awareness, unfunny stuff happened and we let it happen. What grown woman doesn’t harbour icky memories of boys smashing our heads into their laps like cops stuffing suspects into the back of a police car? No 50-plus woman I know would put up with such nonsense. Among consenting, mature adults these antics are irrelevant.

As a widow who has dabbled in online dating, I have awakened to a world crowded with unattached, 50-plus men and women who aren’t merely looking for sex, but for great sex. I know single women my age who simply won’t abide bad sex. If their efforts to improve the situation aren’t successful, they move on, telling anyone who asks that the sex was lousy and, as such, unacceptable. So much for the stereo­type of the postmenopausal sexual retiree.

Women’s magazines are awash with prescriptions for reinvigorating, or reviving, marital sex in the waning years: light candles, wear seductive lingerie, unplug the phone, uncork the K-Y, pop the Viagra. That drug and its ilk may have fewer women tiptoeing around the delicate matter of erectile dysfunction. However, these recipes for romance don’t address a big problem: many women over 50 are ashamed of their naked bodies.

Yet it isn’t a regimen of Pilates or eating like an air fern that makes you feel sexy. Sex makes you feel sexy. Fewer mirrors, more laughter, I say. Of women who are self-conscious about their flab, I ask, have you seen a guy over 50 without a spare tyre, or at least an undisguisable paunch? I know a man who looks like he’s 12 months pregnant and he gets all the sex he wants. It’s because he adores women, he’s full of mischief and he has been around long enough to know that sex with a smart, confident, cellulite-covered woman in her sixties is much more fun than watching a bony Victoria’s Secret model mesmerised by her own reflection.

What a shame that marital sex can be so fraught, even burdensome, that many of us allow sex to recede until it withers and dies. Maybe because I’m unattached and count myself as one of those women who wants a man in her life but not in her house, these days I sometimes view sex as akin to a spa treatment.

It’s invigorating, it gives me an all-over glow and it makes me feel attractive. It leaves me feeling peaceful and whole. At 50 and beyond, good sex reminds us how miraculous our flawed bodies can be. And it helps that you’re not gnarling the bed sheets with an Olympian poster boy. I suppose we should also be grateful that our near vision is failing to the point where the unsightly is invisible.

There’s another reason sex after 50 can and should be the best sex of our lives: our keen awareness of our mortality. Schopenhauer declared sex to be the “greatest affirmation of life”. Think of how sexually charged life ­becomes in a war zone. In advancing age, we are in a war zone of sorts.

A voracious, unbridled bout of sex is the best hedge against death, and it’s recession-proof. If we can still move, sex can make us feel better. Mysterious aches and pains evaporate. We sleep better. Postcoital food somehow tastes better, and we can eat it with the guiltlessness of an athlete.

Not long ago, I read an ­article about sex in old-people’s homes. The news was, not only does it exist, it is fairly common, and not only among committed couples. I find the notion ­inspiring. Nice to know that if we use it, we don’t lose it. And it sure beats ­doing the hokey cokey in the day room.

Source: timesonline