by Courtney Kerrigan

Course defines the ‘hook-up,’ other new relationship terms

“It’s complicated” - that’s the typical and oh-so-familiar phrase that many couples use to describe their relationships, or lack thereof.

But while both men and women search for a solution to the confusing terminology, the psychology department is offering a class in the spring that may provide some answers.

Sex and Romance in the 21st Century centers on the study of different relationships that occur today, said Manfred Van Dulmen, assistant professor and creator of the class.

The class is offered Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 to 11:15 a.m. in Bowman Hall and is worth three credit hours.

It not only focuses on marital and dating relationships, but also other experiences such as “hooking up” or “friends with benefits.”

“A number of courses at other universities teach around personal relationships and focus more on marital relationships,” Van Dulmen said. “What I wanted to do was have a course that expands beyond that and reflects the sort of broad array of experiences in relationships that people may have right now.”

Van Dulmen said he will discuss psychological theories and ideas that help students understand why people enter into certain relationships, both positive and negative.

“I think it will help students understand relationships that they may have or other people around them may have,” he said.

The class is open to anyone, as it’s not limited to psychology majors or upperclassmen.

He added that students interested in being psychologists or therapists in the future will benefit significantly from the class, as the coursework will help in dealing with relationships.

Students will also look at romantic experiences that may be linked to future romantic relationships, and how these experiences are rooted in past relationships with parents and friends.

“Until maybe 10 years ago, most people thought that adolescent romantic relationships were short lived - that people really saw it as something that happened in movies or novels, but not that it was a real thing with real implications,” Van Dulmen said.

The class stands as a lecture class, but Van Dulmen said there will be some guest speakers, video material from TV and movies and possible discussion with students, although the size of the class may reach 400 students.

“This is a topic I’m very excited about because I study this area,” Van Dulmen said. “I haven’t taught a course like this, and it’s one of the reasons I wanted to do this.”

Although Van Dulmen admits he has not taught undergraduate students in a few years, he has instructed graduate statistics courses in his six years at Kent State.

“We hope that this will be a course that will get some people excited about psychology or studying relationships.”

Source: kentnewsnet.com

By Colleen Leahey

Thanksgiving break is particularly glorious for college students. After several months of combating the small creatures living under their fridges, studying until their brains ache and surviving swine-related illnesses without Mom’s chicken noodle soup, they finally return home. Everyone looks forward to a day dedicated to turkey, mashed potatoes and embarrassing family stories. But there’s another something students smile about when thinking of Thanksgiving break: their holiday honey.

Yes, I am aware this term is absolutely absurd. The other day I made the mistake of referring to my roommate’s ex-squeeze as her holiday honey while she was sipping on a glass of water. She proceeded to spurt water everywhere while laughing hysterically. I, however, like the term. My mom began using it several years ago, when my older sister was a freshman in college. Every break (Columbus Day, Thanksgiving, Winter, et cetera), Kelly and her high school boyfriend would rekindle their flame for several days, then let it fizzle when they returned to their respective schools.

During my freshman year, I followed in my sister’s footsteps. When home from school, I would cuddle and reminisce with an ex, forgetting the actual reason we broke up and enjoying a casual romance instead. This type of behavior is far from uncommon; student after student enjoys time spent with his or her special hometown friend. But the question is: Why? Does a holiday honey have something more appealing than your typical college crush?

Definitely. First of all, there are always old feelings involved with a high school ex. They knew you before you went to keggers and made out on the dance floor with several other partygoers in a night. They evoke a general innocence in you, a quality that can seem lost in the throes of chaotic college events. When with them, you’re reminded of corsages, ice cream dates and movies you never actually watched. Certainly, there are some high school memories you would like to forget — but overall, the nostalgia associated with an old flame is extremely comforting.

In addition to the comfort of old stories, there is also a sort of security associated with a holiday honey. He or she is your college safety net, gently catching you break after break. People constantly complain about the lack of sober, functional relationships during their years on the Hilltop, particularly as freshmen. With a college hook-up, you typically wake up each morning in his or her bed and must piece the previous night’s events together, hoping you didn’t do or say anything too embarrassing. With a holiday hook-up, you talk and catch up for hours, allowing a general coziness to overwhelm your being.

Also, the no-strings-attached situation is a definite plus. Some realistic couples understand the difficulties of a long-distance relationship, deciding to be together when at home and single when at school. They often have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, enjoying the time spent with one another rather than prying for all the juicy details of each other’s college love life.

Sometimes, however, there can be a bump in the road for hometown sweethearts. In said casual relationship, one party may want something more than the other. This, inevitably, is the issue with most holiday honeys. Upon hearing stories of their love’s best guy or girl friend from college, they turn a vibrant shade of green, envy enveloping them. Hoping not to lose their hometown security blanket, they try to rekindle their old romance into a full-fledged relationship. Usually, this is an epic failure.

Undoubtedly, some holiday honeys will become serious, realizing their true like, or maybe even love, for one another. However, it’s important to remember that this is not always the case. Most holiday honeys are just that; they hang out over breaks from school, then go about their separate business once back on their different campuses.

If a relationship is forced or not thought out, it tends to end in a rocky break-up, especially if you’re spending time with a high school ex. Before jumping into anything, try not to get caught up in the feel-good whirlwind of butterflies and giddiness, and recall the actual reason you are no longer dating this person and that they, in fact, are your EX. Chances are, you’ll realize this person can never be more than your holiday hook-up.

So, when you’re going out Wednesday night with all your friends, or opting instead to spend the evening in with your person of interest, it’s necessary to take it all with a grain of salt. Enjoy the time you spend with your special someone; bake cookies, hold hands, do whatever your mushy heart desires. Dreams of sugarplums and relationships may dance through your head, but remember to stay grounded. For the time being, this person is not your girlfriend or boyfriend, but simply your holiday honey. And, back at school, you’ll most likely have a lovely DFMO awaiting your return.

Source: the guide

By Jessica Walker

On Sunday morning I overheard an interview on Fox and Friends about a cell phone application that provides instant background checks for singles.  At first I thought great idea; another tool to help our members.  I finished watching the interview, wrote down some notes and then went online to find out more.

Even though I would be promoting another company, my initial reaction was to gather as much information as possible so I could share it with our members.  After all, I am here to help keep you Safer in the City right?

But, all that positive thinking fizzled the more and more I researched the company behind the application, Intelius, and the application itself. Lets start with the company and mind you not much effort is needed to find something sketchy.

With just a quick Google search using the following words, “Intelius and scams”, I found this article in TechCrunch, from March 2009 describing a company swimming in consumer complaints and legal issues.

You’ll also find multiple sites with detailed consumer complaints.  Check out these links:

Complaints.com Consumers in control
Intelius.Pissedconsumer.com
Thesqueakywheel.com

Also, take a look at the comment trail on this article:
Topix

You’ll read that almost all of the customers complained of unauthorized monthly charges appearing on their credit or debit cards after paying for a one-time fee service on the Intelius site.  Some even complained that the searches they initially paid for weren’t accurate and could not be used.

Now let’s explore the cell phone application that Intelius has just launched in October through iPhone, Blackberry and Android. There are five searches that are available to cell phone customers once the application is downloaded and this is where it got creepy for me.  Although, I was okay with the first search called the “Sleaze Detector” which instantly checks for past criminal activity.  But then I noticed the other four searches that instantly check for the following:

Net Worth
•    Property ownership information
•    Home details (bedrooms, bathrooms, square footage, tax info)
•    Assessed property value

Compatibility
•    Birth Date
•    Horoscope and astrological
information

Interests
•    Social Network Info
•    Professional Info
•    Educational background

Living Situation
•    Names and ages of relatives, associates & roommates living at search subject’s residence

Reading through these searches made me nauseous.  My initial thought was what a brilliant tool for a criminal!  With just a name, phone number or email address Intelius can tell you all this information INSTANTLY.  Now I understand that some of this stuff is available online in some way, which is another problem, but starting in October it’s easier then ever to gather it in an instant one stop shop.

Does anyone else have a problem with some stranger learning about your property ownership, assessed property value and the names and ages of relatives living in your home?  What does that have to do with dating?  You would think marital status would have been number one on their search list but it was left out.  I guess they felt learning the number of bedrooms and bathrooms was more of a priority then whether someone was married or single.

Well you’ll be happy to learn that Safer Dates takes marital status very seriously as it is included in both our Level I & II Verifications and our InvestiDate tool.

Now that we know this application is out there, here is some advice on what to do to block some of your information from being shared through this tool.  Linda Criddle, the expert in my latest interview, “What the Fraud!”, talks about contacting local government agencies to request that your housing information remain private.  Linda spent 13 years at Microsoft where she was a pioneer in online safety for mobile devices and PC’s for the MSN division. She advises that within your home town learn what is public knowledge and accessible through the internet and request that it be removed.  Also, be sure to change the settings on your social networking sites so that only “connections” or “contacts” authorized by YOU can see your profile information.

To read about what Linda Criddle thinks on this new application go to her blog at ilookbothways.com.

One last thing… the tag line for this new application is “Look up before you Hook up”.  You can say that again!

Until next time, here’s to keeping you Safer in the City!

- Jessica