Relationship Status

By Jessica Walker

As I was researching for this post, I was surprised at how important the “Relationship Status” has become on Facebook.  I honestly had no idea how critical this click was for a lot of people.  I guess I am confused because I primarily use Facebook to keep in touch with friends and family only.  It does not seem like a dating destination.  Besides, your close friends and family members should know your relationship status already and if they don’t then I would question why they are even on your connections or contacts list in the first place.

Now from a safety standpoint, I would avoid posting the following status options:

•    Single
•    Widowed
•    It’s Complicated
•    Swinger (MySpace option only)

Choosing any one of these status options is like throwing chum into the cyberland sea.  You may attract friendly fish but you’re also inviting predators as well.  Criminals swimming around lurking to feed on emotional carnage will be drawn to the Single status, It’s Complicated status and especially the Widowed status.  As for the Swinger status, that sounds to me like an invitation for a sketchy couple looking to rob you blind while the other keeps you occupied if you know what I mean.  If that’s your thing, please “tread” lightly.

My advice is focus your online dating interaction towards the sites that specialize in just dating and turn off your relationship status on sites like Facebook and MySpace.  If you’re worried about a missed opportunity, don’t sweat it!  If someone wants to know your status they can always send you a message through your profile page.  Which in turn gives you the opportunity to check them out before replying.

For those already in a relationship, I would also avoid the Relationship Status.  In my research, I read far too many stories of public humiliation due to someone changing their status before they had “the talk” with their partner or the bombardment of questions from concerned contacts once they noticed your status changed back to Single.  Check out this article where an ex-partner was harassed through Facebook to the point that a defamation suit was filed.

If your partner gets concerned because you’re not posting your status just simply tell them you are concerned with promoting too much of your personal life online.  I’m sure in this day and age they will understand.

Relationships are complicated enough.  So why layer in another element that could potentially cause you grief.  Let’s throw out the chum bucket and grab a good old fishing pole or two and cast our lines out into the online dating cyberland sea and score our next catch the safer way.

Until next time, here’s to keeping you Safer in the City!

- Jessica

By Eric Aasen

Lessons in Love

DENTON – For the college women gathered in Room 131, if you wanna know if he loves you so, it’s not in his kiss – it’s in his eyes.

“His eyes look like they’re probing into you, looking into your soul,” one exclaimed.

“Pretty blue eyes,” another said.

“Almond-shaped eyes.” “Soft eyes, so you look at them and you’re like, ‘Awwww. You look like a puppy.’ ” “Smiley eyes.”

There’s a whole lotta lovin’ goin’ on in the Romantic Relationships course at the University of North Texas. Yes, college students – some of whom specialize in beer bongs, late-night parties or casual hook-ups – are taking a scholarly approach to personality, friendship, attraction, dating and marriage.

So aside from pretty peepers, does the ideal man have a well-defined jaw?

Hands shot up in the air so fast, the students’ arms practically fell off.

Their professor, Jennifer Acker, quickly whipped them back into reality.

“This may be the hottest guy ever that walks into the room, but is he going to provide for the family and really help out?”

His looks may light up a room, but will he really light up a room by replacing that burned-out light bulb?

“There’s nothing sexier than a man with a vacuum cleaner,” Acker said.

For these students, there’s no need to search those bottomless piles of self-help books at the bookstore this Valentine’s Day. Forget Dr. Phil. Turn off The Bachelor and other syrupy find-me-a-lover shows.

The UNT class was formed just a couple of years ago, but there’s so much interest that students are being turned away. Similar courses are popping up on across the country.

Some students take the class to fulfill requirements for their majors. Others say it will help them as counselors.

Then there are those who are motivated by scoring some tips about finding “the one.”

Lindsey Teel, 23, is in class partly to learn how to find the right guy, “although I don’t want to admit it.”

“Romantic relationships are one of the most beautiful forms of human interaction,” she said. “They’re rare. The good ones are rare.”

Done right, these relationships create “a bond of trust,” Teel said, leading to some of the most joyful moments in our lives – a first kiss, falling in love, getting married and having children.

Teel and the other students – mostly women – turn to Acker, their Love Lecturer, who guides them through the twists and turns of Cupid’s arrow.

Society focuses so much on finding the perfect partner, but not on how to keep that mate, Acker said. She believes college is a good time to learn about creating healthy partnerships and hopes students will apply the lessons in their own lives.

“When you’re at that young college age, you’re still trying to figure yourself out and yet you’re trying to figure out how to have a relationship,” said Acker, a lecturer in UNT’s College of Education.

Standing in front of dozens of students last week, Acker explained how self-esteem dips among college-age students and how that could challenge relationships.

She discussed how relationships are a partnership of equals – at least in terms of their attractiveness. Rarely do you find an ugly duckling with a hottie.

Students brought in pictures of famous men and women they found attractive: Brody Jenner, James Franco, Reggie Bush, Jake Gyllenhaal. Jennifer Aniston, Carrie Underwood, Kim Kardashian, Reese Witherspoon.

One woman flashed a picture of Chace Crawford.

He looks like a 12-year-old, a student said.

“You crush my heart,” the woman responded.

Acker suggested that couples discuss Valentine’s Day ahead of time – and decide whether they would get dressed up and go out or exchange gifts.

“In our minds, we have this perfect expectation and picture of what this man is going to do for us on Valentine’s Day, yet we never say it out loud,” she said. “I don’t know how to expect guys to meet those expectations.”

Melissa Wish, 21, isn’t in the class to look for a man – she has a boyfriend – but she believes the class will help her when she’s a family counselor, especially when working with divorcing parents.

“I want to help parents stay friends through the divorce,” she said. “I understand why Mom and Dad aren’t going to work out, but I can help little Suzie understand.”

While taking the class, Teel has come to realize that she’s been going after the bad guys.

“They seem like they’re good and then they’re not,” she said. “They’re like wolves in sheeps’ clothing.”

Matt Whitaker, 26, has learned many lessons from the women of Room 131.

“In the beginning, women want that bad or dangerous guy,” Whitaker said, “but at the end of the day, when it’s all said and done, they want to know that their boyfriend or husband is there for them and loves, nurtures and protects them.”

So, to the good guys out there: Be patient and be nice. You’ve got a good shot.

Source: The Dallas Morning News

Sexually Attracted or Just Friends?

By Jessica Walker

One of our readers asked how he could avoid being “The Friend” and start being “The Boyfriend.”  Well, I have to confess that I’ve used the “friend” line a time or two or three.  I’ve even had that line used on me at the end of a relationship. So, I took a couple days to think back on my past relationships, trying to come up with ways that I could have avoided that situation.  I researched advice articles posted by men on how to avoid The Friend Zone or The Friend Trap.  These articles advise men to play hard to get instead of being so forth coming.  I kind of agree with that because I personally like a challenge.  But if that approach does not come natural to you already then you may come off looking like a jerk and end up ruining everything by trying to be someone you’re not.  In the end your so called “friend” qualities will surface.

So after days of racking my brain, and for a blonde that seems like a lifetime, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s flat out unavoidable.  Here’s why.  Every time I used that line it was because I was not sexually attracted to the person.  But, I did enjoy their company otherwise I would have told them it was over and that was it.  Which I recall saying that as well on a couple occasions. It is near impossible to be sexually attractive to everyone you date.  That’s what dating is all about; you win some you lose some.  Sometimes people get it right on the first try but for the rest of us it takes time to find the right person. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Let’s look at it from another angle.  If that person wants to truly be your friend than you both may be better off that way.  One of my best friends in the whole world is a guy who I told that I just wanted to be friends.  And you know what his reply was to that… I’ll never forget it, “I’d rather be your friend then not have you in my life.”  It actually worked out to our advantage because all through high school and college we called each other when we had questions about our partners.  Now does that guy sound like he was trapped?  I’ll let you decide.

As for the others I supposedly trapped in The Friend Zone, I’ve bumped into them on Facebook and they are all happily married with kids.  I’d say they escaped the trap as well.

My advice to the reader that posted the question and to everyone else is stop trying to avoid it and just keep dating; have fun and most of all be yourself at all times.  You will eventually find that special someone and in the meantime you may also be so lucky as to find your very own phone a friend.  My wish for you all is that you find a friend like I have, because we have happily spent 15 years trapped in The Friend Zone.

- Jessica

By Lori Gottlieb

The author of a provocative new book reveals why you’re wrong about Mr. Right.

A couple of years ago, I wrote a magazine article called “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.” In it, I confessed that, having found myself still single at 40, I’d come to an eye-opening realization: Had I known when I was younger what would make me happy in a fulfilling marriage, I would have made very different choices in my dating life. It was a hyperbolic essay with a serious message: Look for the important qualities in a partner, and let go of the stuff that won’t matter five, ten or 20 years down the line.

I’ve never believed that we should stop looking for Mr. Right (we shouldn’t!) – but I do think that by changing our rigid idea of who Mr. Right is, we’re more likely to find the right Mr. Right. You can’t just order up the perfect husband á la carte – I’ll take a little of this, a little of that, less of this and more of that. A guy is a package deal, as are we. Recognizing that isn’t settling. It’s maturity. The key is to focus on the qualities that lead to long-term romantic happiness.

In my new book, I asked experts, including marital researchers, sociologists, neurobiologists, couple therapists, behavioral economists, matchmakers, clergy and even our mothers (God help us!) how to tell the difference between smart compromises (which lead to happiness) and settling (which doesn’t). The answer is complex — and different for everyone. But here are five basic things I learned I should cut a guy some slack on before I assume he’s not The One:

1. His height. Let me say upfront that I’m 5’2″. With one-inch heels. And yet I always preferred to date guys who were taller than 5’9″ (and so I could kiss them while barefoot, shorter than 6’0″). But one expert explained how limiting this was: “Let’s say there’s a 50 percent chance you could be with a guy who’s 5’9″. That’s a height you like, but it could go either way depending on what else he brings to the table. There’s probably a five percent chance you could be with somebody who’s 5’4″ – but there’s a chance. Maybe if you spent an hour with Danny DeVito or Robert Reich, all of a sudden you would say, “You know what? This is somebody I could actually spend my life with” – even though the height is never going to be ideal. On the other hand, take somebody who’s unkind. There’s a 100 percent chance you won’t want to be with him. So I’m saying, what are the real irreducibles as opposed to the unlikelies?”

2. His Match.com profile. A Northwestern researcher who studies online dating (yes, there are scientists who make a living doing this) told me that I shouldn’t get too specific about my search parameters in online dating because in his research, he found that “there was a lack of correlation between what people said they wanted on a questionnaire, and what they actually pick when they meet a real, live person.”  Moreover, he added, don’t rule out a guy because you think you know what it means that he misspelled a word or likes Madonna. You have no idea who this person is until you meet him. An online profile, he said, “is like reading the ingredients on a box of food and trying to imagine what it would taste like.”

3. His occupation. Yes, alpha males are sexy and charming. But they aren’t always the best partners for me, especially if they travel for work all the time, need to be the center of attention and don’t have the same ideas about how to run a household that I do. As a dating coach explained to me, many women are attracted to super-ambitious and charismatic guys who are leaders — but it’s hard to find a person who has that kind of personality and also makes time for you and is able to put you first when it counts. Now Joe, the cute elementary school teacher, on the other hand … you get my point.

4. His age. The thing about being picky is you have to know what to be picky about. Apparently, I wasn’t picky enough on the things that matter (shared values, reliability, “getting each other”) and was too picky on the things that don’t (his age). While I wouldn’t want anyone to mistake my husband for my father, it’s foolish to decline a set-up with a guy just because he’s got less hair and more wrinkles than I do. This might sound beyond obvious, but many women end up dating guys with a chemistry of “9″ and a compatibility of “5.” The happiest couples, though, have both a chemistry and compatibility of “7.” Would I be more naturally attracted to a guy who’s my age? Yep. Would it matter that much in the scheme of things if he was 12 years older but still handsome? Probably not. Am I going to be more wrinkled one day and thrilled to be with a man who finds me attractive anyway? You bet.

5. How he compares to “my type.” One expert told me that when she first met her husband, she had no interest in him at all. He wasn’t her type. He didn’t fit her image of the kind of guy she imagined herself with. She was Ivy League-educated, and he was a potter. At first there were no sparks. Nada. But the more time she spent with him, the more she liked him. And then the sparks flew. They’ve been married for 20 years. “In America,” she explained, “when a potter makes a pot, they put a glaze on it and put it in the kiln and know exactly what it’s supposed to look like when it comes out. But when the Japanese make a pot, they put it in a wood-fire kiln that could be any temperature, and when they take the pot out, it’s not always exactly like they thought it was supposed to look like. And they say, ‘Oh, wow, this is what the fire did to the pot and it’s gorgeous!’ They believe there’s no beauty in perfection. So instead of knowing what the person sitting across from you is supposed to be like, the question you have to ask is, ‘Do I like it?’ instead of ‘How does it compare to what I thought I wanted?’ People can surprise you.”

Indeed. I ended up falling hard for a 5’6″, balding, bow-tie-wearing guy I almost didn’t e-mail on Match.com. He wasn’t who I had in mind, but he was who I wanted to be with. And that, of course, is the thing that matters most.

Source: wowowow.com

By Tom Blake

When older singles date new people, one of the most important precautions they should follow is to trust their instincts. If they sense something isn’t right about the new person, there is a strong chance they’re right.

But when people are lonely and want to be in a relationship and loved, they tend to downplay those instincts by viewing potential partners through rose-colored glasses.

Susie, an educated woman with a successful career, says she did just that. At 55, she met a man, 62, on Yahoo Personals. However, she learned that his listed name was not his true name and that his age was 66.

However, one can’t blame Susie for initially being impressed. She said: “He is well-educated (except he can’t spell), charming and writes e-mails that are like love letters. He says he has a nice home and a yacht in Florida. He states he is a partner in two corporations – one in entertainment and one in construction. He treated me well, spent time getting to know my family and even went to church with me. We made a lot of plans for the future together.”

When Susie saw red flags at the beginning of the relationship, she still elected to proceed, albeit cautiously. But not cautiously enough, as she explained:

“The first time I let my guard down, he made his move. I had something at my house that had been broken for a long time and he knew someone who could fix it. I was going out of town on a business trip and this was the only time he could come fix my problem (should have been a huge red flag). I left him my house keys. This was the first time I had let him have access to my house.

“When I got back from my business trip, I checked my bank account online and saw three checks written that I did not recognize. I called my bank and figured out what was going on.”

The man she had been dating had stolen her checkbook.

She called police. “While the policeman was at my house, I called the man and told him I knew what he had done and if he ever stepped foot on my property, I would have him arrested,” Susie said. “I never told him I filed a police report, because I did not want him to run. That night I had all the locks changed on my house.”

Susie said most everything he told her was untrue. He didn’t have a car or a job. Immediately after Susie ended the relationship, he was back on Yahoo Personals.

Susie didn’t hear anything from the police; she figured nothing would happen because it was a small crime.

She continued: “About 1½ years later, I got a letter from the district attorney. The man had been arrested and was sentenced to three years in prison and four years’ probation. He only served 1½ years and was supposed to start making restitution to me three months after he got out. I haven’t seen any of the money and don’t care. The amount was not great; my bank put the money back in my account because they should not have cashed the checks.”

Susie talked about the psychological effects: “It hurts to realize that I did not mean anything to him. I have been very embarrassed and angry at myself. Although the amount of money was not great, you cannot put a price tag on the hurt and suffering this man caused me.”

Lessons learned from Susie’s story:

• A background check may have saved Susie from this ordeal.

• It’s easy to blame the Internet. But what happened in Susie’s case happened after they were together in person.

• When legally violated, file a police report.

• Check your bank and credit-card statements often.

• Pay attention to red flags; trust your instincts. Don’t allow loneliness to cloud your thinking.

Women beware: This Internet-dating ex-con will strike again.

Source: The Orange County Register

Read on as these women recall the times when Cupid’s arrow pointed straight toward disaster.

By Ashley Womble

Dream Date Disaster
A new guy surprised me by planning the perfect Valentine’s Day date: a romantic dinner followed by fireworks show on the beach. Everything was great until the check arrived. He asked me, “Should we split it or do you just want to pay for your meal?” After dinner we took a walk on the pier. He bumped into a girl, who was obviously his ex-girlfriend, and after talking and laughing for about 20 minutes without including me he finally said, “Oh sorry, this is my friend, Kat.” We broke up the next day. —Katrina, 19

Shot in the Heart
I had a crush on a close guy friend during college, so I was really excited when he asked me to come over to watch a movie on V-Day. I arrived at his dorm room with a handwritten poem that confessed how much I liked him. After I read it, he said, “That’s nice,” and promptly started the movie, Reservoir Dogs. It was clear by the first gunshot that romance was not on his mind. I was heartbroken and had to watch a gruesome, violent movie with no chance of cuddling with my crush. —Ashley, 28

On Thin Ice
I bought my boyfriend tickets to the Columbus Blue Jackets hockey game for Valentine’s Day. During a break in the game, my guy spontaneously grabbed and kissed me! I pulled away, because I was so shocked, and that’s when he pointed to the JumboTron screen. We had been on the “Kiss Cam,” and everyone in the arena had seen my snotty pull-away and embarrassed reaction. —Tina, 20

Ex Hits the Spot
After secretly dating two guys — Dan and Joe — for a few months, I told Joe I didn’t want a relationship, so that I could get serious with Dan. On Valentine’s Day, Dan took me out to dinner, and I almost choked on my drink when our waiter arrived. It was Joe! To make matters worse, Dan ordered a dish with béchamel sauce, which he loved. He gushed to the waiter, a.k.a. my ex, “If she could cook like this I’d marry her.” I wanted to die. —Cristina, 26

Honestly, Abe?
After a long dry spell, I was psyched to finally have a new guy in my life so we could spend Valentine’s Day together. Call me corny, but I was hoping I’d get flowers or chocolate — you know, what every girl wants! Instead, he gave me an old Abe Lincoln bobblehead that looked like it came from the bottom of his closet. I honestly didn’t even know what to say, so I just mumbled “thank you.” After a few more bad dates, I pulled off Abe’s head, and kicked that boy to the curb. —Adrienne, 17

Slacker Surprise
I decided to have a low-key Valentine’s Day with my live-in boyfriend. I had a feeling he was going to surprise me by making a special dinner or sending flowers. I didn’t talk to him all day, so I was really excited to see what he’d planned when I got home from work. I walked in the door to find him sitting in front of the TV in sweatpants. He gave me the lamest card I’ve ever seen and then asked, “What do you want to order for dinner?” I was shocked that to him low-key meant nothing at all. —Ali, 24

Party Foul
My boyfriend Matt and I didn’t have any special plans for V-Day, so he decided to have a few friends over for an impromptu get-together. I was a little pissed that he invited Krista, a girl I suspected had a thing for him. I played it cool until later that night, when he admitted that he had cheated on me with her a few months before. When I confronted her she denied it, but later I heard her ask Matt, “Why did you tell her?!” After a big blowout, I left the party and Krista spent the night with my guy! —Ciara, 18

Thief in the Night
The guy I’d been dating, Clay, was totally MIA on Valentine’s Day. At first I was worried, but after not hearing from him all day I started to get pissed. That night I got a call from the county jail, asking me to accept a collect call from … Clay! He had stolen his parents’ brand-new car and they reported it to the police. Even though I have a thing for bad boys, I broke up with that loser the next day. —Rachel, 22

Double Trouble
One Valentine’s Day, I planned an elaborate meal for my boyfriend. He acted really awkward during dinner, and when I gave him a gift he said, “Oh, I don’t have your gift. Can I give it to you tomorrow?” I found out later that he was dating another girl and had already celebrated V-Day with her earlier that evening! —Tiffani, 33

Source: lifestyle.msn.com

Experts weigh in on starting, ending and improving the relationships in your life

By Kathy Megan

Here are some tips for people with relationships on their mind — whether it’s ending, improving or starting one.

Is it over?

If you’re feeling fear, distrust, contempt or a lack of respect, major work is in order, says Donna Ferber, a psychotherapist in Farmington, Conn., who specializes in life transitions. She suggests therapy as soon as possible.

“The longer you wait to go the doctor, the harder the cure,” she says. “If you think something is wrong, chances are it is.”

Of course, if violence or abuse is present, a partner should get help as soon as possible.

Another take on this comes from Nancy Brockett, a licensed professional counselor in West Hartford, Conn.

“If every time you are thinking about the relationship, there is a dread that comes over you, that’s an indication that it’s probably not what you are really wanting,” Brockett says. “If there is a sense of life when you are thinking about your relationship, a spark, even a small spark, then you are wanting to check that out.”

When to tie (or untie) the knot

Peter Kane, a licensed clinical social worker in New Haven, Conn., advises: Consider your ability to listen and talk to each other.

Says Kane: “Does the relationship make you feel more productive and energetic in other places in your life as well? Does the relationship help you, not strain you?”

One of the biggest mistakes people make, Ferber says, is to think “if we get married, he’ll settle down” or “he won’t yell as much.”

If a relationship changes after marriage, it is usually for the worse.

Generally, she says, “what you see is what you get.”

What about you?

Take a close look at yourself and really decide whether you are being the person you want to be, Kane advises.

Ask yourself, “Would I want to be married to me?”

This may be difficult to approach honestly because so often people are convinced that it’s their partner who is making life so hard for them.

Recognizing your role in the situation is key to improving it.

Getting over a breakup

Realize it will take some time, Ferber advises. Take time to understand what you both did wrong.

“Give yourself time to be alone,” she says, and don’t let well-meaning friends and family push you into dating before you are ready.

If you’re recovering from divorce, Ferber says, realize that it’s an evolving process and that it’s not just the loss of your spouse, it’s the loss of an entire lifestyle. Make sure you eat well, get enough sleep, and avoid alcohol and drugs.

Try something new, but don’t make drastic changes. Try a new exercise class, for instance, but don’t suddenly quit your job and move across the country.

“You can’t run away from the problem,” says Ferber.

Meeting someone new

Tell all your friends you want to meet someone, Ferber says. Get involved in activities that you enjoy or support; this will lead to meeting like-minded people.

For instance, you may want to volunteer for a group that helps others, or work for a political campaign or try a new sport. Online dating is also an option.

Source: Chicago Tribune

Date/Time: 1/26/10 7:00pm  EDT

Category: Romance

Call-in Number: (718) 766-4680

Show Page: SaferDates Blog Talk Radio Show

Join Safer Dates as we interview Dr. Nancy H. Wall about Matchmaking,Dating and ultimately finding the Love of Your Life.

Nancy is the President and Founder of Tampa Bay MatchMakers. For over 20 years, she has been instrumental in designing and facilitating adult education programs for major corporations, universities, community colleges, and the Tampa Jewish Family Services. Prior to starting Tampa Bay MatchMakers, she formed the Tampa Jewish Singles Network, a workshop series which provided education, information, and support for single parents and their children. Dr. Wall earned her PhD in Adult Education from the University of South Florida, an MBA from Crummer Graduate School/Rollins College, a BS in Psychology from Duke University, and certifications in Project Management from George Washington University, Life Coaching from Coach Training Alliance, and Matchmaking from the Matchmaking Institute in New York. She is the proud mother of two children, and shares an extraordinary relationship with the love of her life!

By Harriet Ryan

The police sought a person who claimed to be Bree Condon and who had bilked thousands out of men in an online scam. They were surprised to meet Justin Brown.

Postings over the last two years on the website Who’s Dated Who hint at the number of men who may have been scammed. After the site authors listed both actor Colin Farrell and professional basketball player Marko Jaric as dating Condon, a visitor calling himself Michael Curry wrote, “love the gossip but bree and i have been dating for months.” Others replied with warnings.

“She is bad news,” read one typical posting.

Interestingly, another user disparaging Condon identified himself as Justin Brown.

“I dated her too. Really sweet at first then it’s $5,000 a month just to be one of her boyfriends,” the posting read.

Brown remains in jail, and his court-appointed lawyer did not return calls seeking comment. Satterlee, the detective investigating the Austin case, described him as “cooperative” in an interview with police.

“He made statements that substantiated the information,” Satterlee said.

Jason Boone, a researcher at the National White Collar Crime Center who has studied Internet scams, said Condon’s case stood out as an unusual “true case of identity theft” among the more common schemes targeting bank accounts or credit card information.

“Here you are actually stealing someone’s name and likeness,” he said. As a criminal operation, it is rarer than viruses or e-mail con letters that aim to steal financial information, likely because those require less work, he said.

Impersonating someone else “takes a little more attention and a lot more motivation on the part of an individual to create this type of attractive profile to lure people in,” Boone said.

Austin police are investigating whether Brown created a fake “official” website for Condon as well as Facebook and MySpace profiles in her name. According to the arrest warrant, his days impersonating the model came to an end after he sent a message to Carbona, the Fort Myers investor.

“It opens to this picture of a beautiful woman. A damsel in distress,” Carbona said of the message he received this fall through a networking application on his iPhone. The sender claimed to be Condon and to know Carbona through a friend. She said she was in dire financial straits after an airline had lost her luggage, he recalled.

After several phone conversations, however, Carbona concluded, “I think I have someone who is full of baloney.” He tracked down the real Condon on a film shoot in Wales and said she told him it was a long-standing problem and referred him to her private investigator. Carbona, whose father and grandfather were police officers, said he cooked up a sting operation to pinpoint the fake Condon’s location by offering to pay her motel bill.

He passed the address to the private investigator who notified authorities. He was stunned when the person arrested was male.

“I’d been talking to this person for three months,” Carbona said. “I’m telling you this guy has either had his gonads removed or he is talking through a voice synthesizer.”

“He has a very feminine voice,” Satterlee, the case detective, confirmed.

Brown’s arrest went unnoticed online, where questions about Condon’s real identity and love life linger.

Source: The Los Angeles Times

Some brave guy friends broke the male code of silence. If he does any of the following, he’s pretty much saying, you know, that phrase.

1. You catch him staring at your eyes.
The eyes are more than just windows to a man’s soul, they can also be a tattletale to what’s welling in his heart. Men always ogle the objects they desire — it’s the reason you’re always busting us cleavage-peeping. So consider: With all that eye candy out there, if it’s you he’s staring at, his affection runs deep. There are two types of I-love-you looks. There’s the secret stare (you’ll have to catch him in the act). “Watching my girlfriend at a party allows me a private moment when I can pinch myself and wonder how I deserve this amazing person in my life — a perspective I can’t get when she’s right there in front of me,” says Patrick, 30.

Then there’s the steady gaze. Guys are guarded when it comes to showing emotion. If they lock eyes for a full-tilt, unabashed stare, they’re lowering their shield to let you in. “I’d never hold that sort of eye contact with anyone else, but an intense gaze with my girlfriend reflects how comforted and captivated I am by her,” says Chip, 29.

2. He stocks his kitchen with stuff you like.
Discovering that his kitchen is loaded with biscotti, lemon-lime seltzer, and other feminine edibles (that would only pass his lips at gunpoint) shows you’re lingering on his mind in the most unexpected, unromantic places — like the produce aisle on a solo shopping trip. “One day I checked out my shopping cart and saw all the bags of baby carrots and bottles of diet soda meant for my girlfriend,” says Patrick. “It struck me that it had become second nature for me to consider what would make her happy, and that’s when I knew I was in love.”

Furthermore, stocking up means he’s gone public with your place in his pad. You see, men like to maintain at least the image of being detached for as long as possible. So leaving unmistakable evidence in our home that there’s a woman present in our life is a bright red flag that you’re The One.

3. He talks about where he wants to live in three years.
Telling you he plans to relocate out West one day may seem like a neon warning not to get any long-term ideas because your man’s getting set to leave you in the dust. However, it might also be his wily way of letting you know that he wants you in his future. “Every time I tell my girlfriend where I see ‘me’ down the road, I’m really trying to gauge whether she sees herself there with me,” says Jon, 26. So how do you know when a guy’s just bragging about his grand game plan and when he’s quietly declaring his love? It’s all in the way he talks. If he tells you he wants to move to Tahiti, be a beach bum, and ogle the local girls, no dice. If he mentions that he sees himself eventually settling in San Francisco, then immediately asks if you could ever envision living there, he’s emitting serious long-term relationship rays.

4. He wears the sweater you gave him all the time.
Trusting you behind the wheel of his wardrobe is something no man does readily. Not that guys are really all that picky about their appearance, it’s just that we pride ourselves on being, well, ourselves. “Blame it on the inflated male ego, but to permit any tampering with our identity, even if it’s for the better, is considered a sign of weakness,” explains Seth, 29. Consequentially, every time a guy does don some item he obviously didn’t pick out for himself, he’s showing that he’s letting you take control and do a little remodeling. It’s a bold statement, one that guarantees he’ll encounter a certain amount of abuse from his peers. Translation: He’s willing to endure his pals’ ridicule to make you happy.

5. He stands right next to you in public.
Where he stands when you’re out together says a lot about where you stand in his life. Consider this key truth: Call us dogs for it, but guys are hard-wired to check out women. “It’s second nature for men to scan every room they enter for possible trade-ups if he’s still in the market for Ms. Perfect,” says Robert, 31. That’s why when a man’s still uncertain about his feelings, he’ll either trail several feet behind you or get out in front and lead the path — two safety positions that keep his wandering eyes hidden. “But if he’s in love, he’ll squelch this most basic male instinct,” says Chad, 28. Sidling up shoulder-to-shoulder is his way of showing his commitment by keeping his eyes right where you can see them. Plus, sticking close puts him in range of being touched in public by you, and that limits his ability to go after a sexy chick he may spy. “Being side-by-side puts my girlfriend within lips’ reach, making it easy for her to whisper in my ear or lean in for a surprise quick kiss,” says Ryan, 27. “It’s my way of telling other women that I’m taken.”

6. He doesn’t flinch if you pick up his phone.
Men never know what potentially image-damaging force might be lurking on the other end of their phone line — from ex-girlfriends looking for a last hurrah to an overly inquisitive mom. If we let you answer that jingling time bomb, it means there’s absolutely nothing about us we want to keep concealed from you. “Men aren’t big on sharing. So when a guy lets you grab the phone — possibly making you privy to personal information you could use to blackmail him for the rest of his life — it means he’s planning on staying with you for a very long time,” says Rich, 29.

But more than just sharing his secrets, a guy handing you the rights to his receiver is essentially the same as giving you the key to his kingdom. “A guy’s phone is the last thing left in a relationship that’s truly his own,” says Jeremy, 26. “Giving up that remaining piece of autonomy is something I only do with someone I love.”

Find Out if He’s Falling for You: Little tip-offs that the guy you’re dating is getting in deep:

* He arrives at the restaurant for your dinner dates before you do.
* He remembers the names of your friends (and not just the pretty ones).
* He does things with you during prime sports time (weekend afternoons from 1 to 7).
* He asks about your family.
* He tells you the secret that his best friend told him never to tell anyone.
* He picks you up from the airport … during rush hour.

Source: lifestyle.msn.com