I’ve become very familiar with the acronym RSA over the past couple days.  RSA stands for Rivest, Shamir and Adleman, the three MIT researches responsible for describing it in 1978.  According to Wikipedia, RSA is an algorithm for public-key cryptography.  It is the first algorithm known to be suitable for signing as well as encryption, and was one of the first great advances in public key cryptography. RSA is widely used in electronic commerce protocols, and is believed to be secure given sufficiently long keys and the use of up-to-date implementations.

RSA is also the Security Division of EMC, which is a world leader that designs, builds and manages secure information infrastructures.

So why have I suddenly gone “geek” on you?  Well, I stumbled upon an article, “The evolution of online identity and trust,” written by Scott Charney, corporate VP, Trustworthy Computing at Microsoft and wanted to share as much as I could on the topic of online security.

Mr. Charney was recently a keynote speaker at the 2010 RSA Conference that ended on March 5th in San Francisco, CA.  The RSA Conference attracts top security professionals from around the world to collaborate on IT security.

In his presentation, Mr. Charney discussed creating a safer, more trusted Internet and he touched upon identity security with a focus on authenticity and anonymity.  Mr. Charney and the folks at Microsoft have a vision of working with the public, private, social and economic sectors to create a kind of digital identification card that can be used much like we use a passport or a driver’s license.  Mr. Charney envisions the online user registering for this digital identification card in-person at a government office.  This card would allow a web user to interact online without having to pass along private information which in turn lets the user remain anonymous when needed.  It’s like flashing your driver’s license to a bouncer when entering a night club.  The bouncer only needs to verify that your face matches your photo and they will probably scan the card to prove it’s authentic.  The bouncer doesn’t store your address, birthday, height or eye color for later use nor do they require you to answer security questions before entering such as what is your mother’s maiden name or what was the name of your first pet?  The bouncer knows that the DMV has reviewed your birth certificate and social security card prior to issuing your driver’s license.

This is very exciting news, especially for the online dating industry.  The whole premise behind the SaferDates.com site is to try to ensure authenticity while maintaining a degree of anonymity.  We are thrilled to hear that the security industry is working diligently to develop digital identification technology.

Now how does all this tie into our site and your member profile in particular?  Well, this is very good lead into a service that we have woven into our member profiles and it’s called ReputationShare.

You’ve probably already noticed the ReputationShare box located at the bottom of your Personal Details section.  ReputationShare is just another tool that we offer to help you take control of your safety.

When I interviewed Linda Criddle, ReputationShare President, last year she had this to say about her product, “It helps identify and manage rogue users because, like credit bureaus, ReputationShare literally shares people’s online reputations across participating sites.  If someone has been abusing other Dating sites or their members, Safer Dates can see that information even as the person is registering and take appropriate steps. Unlike credit bureaus, the ReputationShare service does not receive or store any information about who the user is. Users stay entirely anonymous, but both positive and negative behaviors associated with their email alias are collected.  Second, it gives users the ability to make more informed choices about who they choose to interact with.”

I contacted Linda again to see what she thought about Mr. Charney’s article on authenticity and anonymity and this is what she had to say, “Partial anonymity isn’t about a need to know, it is about a user’s choice to share information to achieve greater trust. In an online dating scenario this could be manifest when a potential date wants others to know that they have a track record of decent behavior. In this case the potential date does not need to know anything about WHO you are, they just need to know HOW you behave. ReputationShare is a great example of a system that ensures anonymity of identity, and personal privacy, while providing solid information about a reputation.”  To read Linda’s blog click here.

Safer Dates believes abusive behavior in the cyber world can sometimes cross over into the physical world and we feel the ReputationShare tool will empower you to manage your own safety more effectively.

To learn more about ReputationShare please visit http://www.reputationshare.com/.

Until next time, here’s to keeping you Safer in the City!

- Jessica

Just about every food you can think of has made the aphrodisiac hit list at one time or another—and most of it is bosh. But not quite, says Elizabeth Somer, R.D., author of Age-Proof Your Body. Although there’s no proof that any food will consistently boost desire, there is definitely something seductive about these five:

1. Bright foods—If someone’s diet is a junk-food debacle, their love life may be, too. That’s because the quality of sexual experiences fluctuates with overall health, says Somer. But reversing the effects of poor nutrition improves energy, mood, and even conception rates. And since brightly colored fruit and veggies are the most nutrient-packed foods you can eat, consuming the recommended nine-a-day could rev up your sex life.

2. Lite foods—Men with romance on their minds should think low-fat. University of Utah School of Medicine researchers found that testosterone levels plunged 50 percent in men after they drank a rich milk shake containing 57 percent fat calories.

3. Chocolate—This melt-in-your-mouth delectable has been called irresistible, wicked, and divine. No wonder eating it makes us think of other pleasurable indulgences. But there’s actually a possible scientific explanation for its effects. “Chocolate contains a compound called phenylethylamine or PEA that stimulates the nervous system, increases blood pressure, and makes your heart beat faster, creating feelings similar to being in love,” says Somer.

4. Alcohol—Wine and liquor may rate as love potions because alcohol depresses higher brain centers, suppressing anxiety and inhibitions. But there’s a hitch: More than one or two drinks slows arousal and increases clumsiness. Oops. Even Shakespeare wrote about alcohol’s double-edged side: “It provides the desire, but it takes away the performance.”

5. And, yes, oysters—The belief that oysters boost fertility has some basis in fact: Just one usually supplies the daily requirement for zinc, a trace mineral that’s essential for conception. Even a brief shortage of zinc impairs ovulation in women and reduces semen and testosterone in men. However, while getting the recommended 15 milligrams of zinc a day will help sustain normal sexual function, larger doses will not turn a couch potato into Casanova!

Happily, not only is the food of love surprisingly healthy, so is love itself: Long-term loving relationships can make your RealAge as much as 6.5 years younger.

Source: health.msn.com

Category: Romance

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The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online is a romantic tell-all memoir spanning over 250 online dates in almost 15 years. This best-selling book is filled with heartfelt, witty, and hilarious stories. Join Safer Dates as we learn from an Internet industry pro, who as a super-successful cyber-dater, has already received several marriage proposals and a brilliant assortment of fabulous and fun dates after she had to start her life all over again.

Boy meets girl. Boy picks up girl. Boy tries to not drop girl on her head.

This is the world of pairs figure skating and ice dancing, the beautiful sports where a woman and man skate in unison across the ice.

But how do these skaters meet? How do they stay together? And what is the secret to their success?

Pairs skating turns out to have a lot of parallels to relationships in real life. Not the least of which is the potential for conflict while in proximity to very sharp objects.

Some pairs meet by accident, some are matched up by coaches or friends. Some seek each other out on the Internet.

At the U.S. Figure Skating Championships in Spokane in January, all manner of pairs were on display. The most successful was Caydee Denney, 16, and Jeremy Barrett, 25, who won the U.S. pairs title and competed in the Vancouver Olympics, finishing 13th last week.

Denney and Barrett began skating together in Florida in 2006, but Denney and her family moved to Colorado. They moved back to Florida in 2008, and Denney and Barrett picked up again.

Like a lot of successful partnerships, they are careful about what they say. Barrett blamed himself for some “poor throws” during nationals, and praised his partner for landing them anyway.

Finishing second at nationals were Amanda Evora and Mark Ladwig, who went on to finish 10th in Vancouver. In the tangled world of pairs, Barrett has dated Evora for years. The two teams skate at the same rink and have the same coaching team, making them training partners yet rivals at the same time.

Pairs skating is a complicated effort. Partners have to have absolute faith in each other to pull off all the jumps, spins and landings, some with names like “the death spiral.” The male partner must be strong enough to hoist the female into the air and set her down without apparent effort. This puts pressure on the man to stay strong and the woman to stay thin.

Finding a partner can be difficult. Pairs hopefuls have been known to advertise in skating magazines, through e-mail, and on Web sites such as icepartnersearch.com.

Skater Ameena Sheikh used that site, which is endorsed by U.S. Figure Skating, to find partner Aaron VanCleave. The site currently lists 59 males and 235 females looking for partners, which illustrates another challenge in pairs skating: There are a lot more women than men.

Women are encouraged to look for potential partners among hockey players, roller skaters, dancers and gymnasts.

Often, one skater has to move to be closer to the other for practice purposes.

VanCleave, for instance, moved from British Columbia to the Detroit area after he and Sheikh decided to skate together. Spokane was their second competition, and while they only finished 14th, they are staying together.

“We are going long-term, all the way,” Sheikh said.

Ice dancer Tanith Belbin was born in Canada, but moved to the Detroit area in 1998 because she was not able to find a good dance partner. She was partnered with Ben Agosto by coach Igor Shpilband, and they have enjoyed a lot of success.

At the Turin Olympics in 2006, Belbin and Agosto won the silver medal in ice dancing, the highest Olympic result of any American team in the discipline, and the first American ice dancers to win an Olympic medal in 30 years. In 2008, they moved to Ashton, Pa., to train.

They finished second in ice dancing in Spokane, behind Meryl Davis and Charles White, and both teams were scheduled to compete in the Vancouver Olympics.

Agosto contends they have never had an argument in 11 years of skating together. Successful skating partners have to be able to work through mistakes without exploding on each other, at least in public.

Source: freep.com

Relationship Status

By Jessica Walker

As I was researching for this post, I was surprised at how important the “Relationship Status” has become on Facebook.  I honestly had no idea how critical this click was for a lot of people.  I guess I am confused because I primarily use Facebook to keep in touch with friends and family only.  It does not seem like a dating destination.  Besides, your close friends and family members should know your relationship status already and if they don’t then I would question why they are even on your connections or contacts list in the first place.

Now from a safety standpoint, I would avoid posting the following status options:

•    Single
•    Widowed
•    It’s Complicated
•    Swinger (MySpace option only)

Choosing any one of these status options is like throwing chum into the cyberland sea.  You may attract friendly fish but you’re also inviting predators as well.  Criminals swimming around lurking to feed on emotional carnage will be drawn to the Single status, It’s Complicated status and especially the Widowed status.  As for the Swinger status, that sounds to me like an invitation for a sketchy couple looking to rob you blind while the other keeps you occupied if you know what I mean.  If that’s your thing, please “tread” lightly.

My advice is focus your online dating interaction towards the sites that specialize in just dating and turn off your relationship status on sites like Facebook and MySpace.  If you’re worried about a missed opportunity, don’t sweat it!  If someone wants to know your status they can always send you a message through your profile page.  Which in turn gives you the opportunity to check them out before replying.

For those already in a relationship, I would also avoid the Relationship Status.  In my research, I read far too many stories of public humiliation due to someone changing their status before they had “the talk” with their partner or the bombardment of questions from concerned contacts once they noticed your status changed back to Single.  Check out this article where an ex-partner was harassed through Facebook to the point that a defamation suit was filed.

If your partner gets concerned because you’re not posting your status just simply tell them you are concerned with promoting too much of your personal life online.  I’m sure in this day and age they will understand.

Relationships are complicated enough.  So why layer in another element that could potentially cause you grief.  Let’s throw out the chum bucket and grab a good old fishing pole or two and cast our lines out into the online dating cyberland sea and score our next catch the safer way.

Until next time, here’s to keeping you Safer in the City!

- Jessica

Lessons in Love

DENTON – For the college women gathered in Room 131, if you wanna know if he loves you so, it’s not in his kiss – it’s in his eyes.

“His eyes look like they’re probing into you, looking into your soul,” one exclaimed.

“Pretty blue eyes,” another said.

“Almond-shaped eyes.” “Soft eyes, so you look at them and you’re like, ‘Awwww. You look like a puppy.’ ” “Smiley eyes.”

There’s a whole lotta lovin’ goin’ on in the Romantic Relationships course at the University of North Texas. Yes, college students – some of whom specialize in beer bongs, late-night parties or casual hook-ups – are taking a scholarly approach to personality, friendship, attraction, dating and marriage.

So aside from pretty peepers, does the ideal man have a well-defined jaw?

Hands shot up in the air so fast, the students’ arms practically fell off.

Their professor, Jennifer Acker, quickly whipped them back into reality.

“This may be the hottest guy ever that walks into the room, but is he going to provide for the family and really help out?”

His looks may light up a room, but will he really light up a room by replacing that burned-out light bulb?

“There’s nothing sexier than a man with a vacuum cleaner,” Acker said.

For these students, there’s no need to search those bottomless piles of self-help books at the bookstore this Valentine’s Day. Forget Dr. Phil. Turn off The Bachelor and other syrupy find-me-a-lover shows.

The UNT class was formed just a couple of years ago, but there’s so much interest that students are being turned away. Similar courses are popping up on across the country.

Some students take the class to fulfill requirements for their majors. Others say it will help them as counselors.

Then there are those who are motivated by scoring some tips about finding “the one.”

Lindsey Teel, 23, is in class partly to learn how to find the right guy, “although I don’t want to admit it.”

“Romantic relationships are one of the most beautiful forms of human interaction,” she said. “They’re rare. The good ones are rare.”

Done right, these relationships create “a bond of trust,” Teel said, leading to some of the most joyful moments in our lives – a first kiss, falling in love, getting married and having children.

Teel and the other students – mostly women – turn to Acker, their Love Lecturer, who guides them through the twists and turns of Cupid’s arrow.

Society focuses so much on finding the perfect partner, but not on how to keep that mate, Acker said. She believes college is a good time to learn about creating healthy partnerships and hopes students will apply the lessons in their own lives.

“When you’re at that young college age, you’re still trying to figure yourself out and yet you’re trying to figure out how to have a relationship,” said Acker, a lecturer in UNT’s College of Education.

Standing in front of dozens of students last week, Acker explained how self-esteem dips among college-age students and how that could challenge relationships.

She discussed how relationships are a partnership of equals – at least in terms of their attractiveness. Rarely do you find an ugly duckling with a hottie.

Students brought in pictures of famous men and women they found attractive: Brody Jenner, James Franco, Reggie Bush, Jake Gyllenhaal. Jennifer Aniston, Carrie Underwood, Kim Kardashian, Reese Witherspoon.

One woman flashed a picture of Chace Crawford.

He looks like a 12-year-old, a student said.

“You crush my heart,” the woman responded.

Acker suggested that couples discuss Valentine’s Day ahead of time – and decide whether they would get dressed up and go out or exchange gifts.

“In our minds, we have this perfect expectation and picture of what this man is going to do for us on Valentine’s Day, yet we never say it out loud,” she said. “I don’t know how to expect guys to meet those expectations.”

Melissa Wish, 21, isn’t in the class to look for a man – she has a boyfriend – but she believes the class will help her when she’s a family counselor, especially when working with divorcing parents.

“I want to help parents stay friends through the divorce,” she said. “I understand why Mom and Dad aren’t going to work out, but I can help little Suzie understand.”

While taking the class, Teel has come to realize that she’s been going after the bad guys.

“They seem like they’re good and then they’re not,” she said. “They’re like wolves in sheeps’ clothing.”

Matt Whitaker, 26, has learned many lessons from the women of Room 131.

“In the beginning, women want that bad or dangerous guy,” Whitaker said, “but at the end of the day, when it’s all said and done, they want to know that their boyfriend or husband is there for them and loves, nurtures and protects them.”

So, to the good guys out there: Be patient and be nice. You’ve got a good shot.

Source: The Dallas Morning News

Sexually Attracted or Just Friends?

By Jessica Walker

One of our readers asked how he could avoid being “The Friend” and start being “The Boyfriend.”  Well, I have to confess that I’ve used the “friend” line a time or two or three.  I’ve even had that line used on me at the end of a relationship. So, I took a couple days to think back on my past relationships, trying to come up with ways that I could have avoided that situation.  I researched advice articles posted by men on how to avoid The Friend Zone or The Friend Trap.  These articles advise men to play hard to get instead of being so forth coming.  I kind of agree with that because I personally like a challenge.  But if that approach does not come natural to you already then you may come off looking like a jerk and end up ruining everything by trying to be someone you’re not.  In the end your so called “friend” qualities will surface.

So after days of racking my brain, and for a blonde that seems like a lifetime, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s flat out unavoidable.  Here’s why.  Every time I used that line it was because I was not sexually attracted to the person.  But, I did enjoy their company otherwise I would have told them it was over and that was it.  Which I recall saying that as well on a couple occasions. It is near impossible to be sexually attractive to everyone you date.  That’s what dating is all about; you win some you lose some.  Sometimes people get it right on the first try but for the rest of us it takes time to find the right person. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Let’s look at it from another angle.  If that person wants to truly be your friend than you both may be better off that way.  One of my best friends in the whole world is a guy who I told that I just wanted to be friends.  And you know what his reply was to that… I’ll never forget it, “I’d rather be your friend then not have you in my life.”  It actually worked out to our advantage because all through high school and college we called each other when we had questions about our partners.  Now does that guy sound like he was trapped?  I’ll let you decide.

As for the others I supposedly trapped in The Friend Zone, I’ve bumped into them on Facebook and they are all happily married with kids.  I’d say they escaped the trap as well.

My advice to the reader that posted the question and to everyone else is stop trying to avoid it and just keep dating; have fun and most of all be yourself at all times.  You will eventually find that special someone and in the meantime you may also be so lucky as to find your very own phone a friend.  My wish for you all is that you find a friend like I have, because we have happily spent 15 years trapped in The Friend Zone.

- Jessica

Online Valentine

By SaferDates

For those already involved in a relationship, Valentine’s Day is a wonderful way to open up the lines of communication to let our significant other know how much we love them. For singles it can be a very emotional and vulnerable time and Valentine’s Day is the perfect day for scammers to target these emotions.

Online dating romance scams mainly target free dating websites or sites that do not moderate. They usually start with the scammer setting up a fake profile and making false promises. After building trust, scammers play on their victim’s emotions by planning to meet them in some faraway place or asking for money. To get what they want they may ask you personal questions about family members, where you live, your birthday or pry into your financial status. Do not share any of this information on your profile, merely describe who you are and what you are looking for in a partner.

Due to a 30 percent increase in online dating scams last year, more dating sites are working hard to weed out the scammers.  Unfortunately this percentage is a little higher because many victims do not report the scam - they are too embarrassed.

Safer online dating sites should include:

•    Moderating
•    Screening procedures to get accepted on the site.
•    Safety Tips
•    Background screenings
•    A way to contact the administration to report any suspicious activity.

Follow these safety guidelines and make this year a Valen-time to remember!

It has been the bane of every man’s existence for the better part of recorded history, and has caused distress and heavy drinking for single people for nearly as long. It is the inevitable topic of a column devoted to sex and relationships, published in mid-February. Its name is Valentine’s Day, and you should all be very, very frightened.

Well, maybe not frightened, but at the very least vigilant and aware.

This is a holiday that is devoted to relationships and the love/like that is shared between two (or more, I’m not one to judge) individuals. At least that is its intention. What the holiday usually ends up doing is forcing men and women to spend ridiculous amounts of time and money on getting the perfect gift for their partners, and forcing all of us single people out there to reflect on the fact that we are, in fact, single. Whether by choice or by circumstance, no one likes to be reminded that they are alone on this holiday.

But my friends, please do not despair, for I have good news: if you find yourself grouped in with any of the aforementioned generalizations, you are viewing this holiday all wrong.

For those of you in a relationship or situation that warrants buying your partner a Valentine’s Day gift, think back to the golden rule for Christmas, birthdays and any other gift-giving occasion - it’s the thought that counts. Who cares if you spend that extra $40, $50, or even $100 on that giant bouquet of flowers that you put no time or effort into? Same goes with jewelry and pricey trinkets.

Romanticism draws from the creativity and effort that you are willing to use to put a smile on your partner’s face, and an extra-fast beat in their heart.

Cover her bed with hand-picked flowers, make your guy his favorite meal with his favorite brew or even just steal your partner away from a night of drinking Downtown so you can both cuddle on the couch and watch a bunch of your favorite movies; the best gifts are the ones that require more planning and thought than money. After all, anyone can swipe a credit card, but only your special someone can give you what your heart really desires.

And for you single people, please don’t think that I have forgotten about you. Although all your friends who are in relationships or are seeing someone will (hopefully) be spending the day/night with their partners, I guarantee you that there is still a significant number of single friends that you can surround yourself with so no one feels lonely when there is so much love in the air.

And believe me, love is in the air. Although you may enter the holiday single, that may not be how you leave it if you play your cards right. So go party or hang out with your friends, meet some new people and let the holiday work its magic. At the very least, you’ll have a fun night. At best, you’ll find yourself paying attention to a different section of this column next year - the part devoted to those in a relationship.

Use this coming week to plan an unforgettable Valentine’s Day for your special someone or to find yourself a new person to devote to your affection, and don’t let your relationship status hold you down.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Source: Pipe Dream

Explore Your Way Through a First Date

By Jessica Walker

If you’re still thinking about what to do for Valentine’s Day than maybe I can help.  How about planning a casual afternoon of exploration in your home town.  Acting like a tourist on a date is a great way to break the ice, check out places you’ve always wanted to see while offering a memorable experience.

The typical dinner and a movie setting on a first or second date can be a bit intimidating and awkward.  This time around try taking the pressure off and enjoy an adventure through an unknown part of town.  There are a lot of alternatives to dinner and a movie, such as museums and aquariums or for our members that live in the Tampa Bay area try heading over to the Manatee Viewing Center located in Apollo Beach.

This particular destination is safe because it’s a public place and the best part is its FREE.  I spent Sunday morning at the Manatee viewing center and had a blast.  There were a hundred manatee just a stones throw away from the observation decks.  I even witnessed young sharks and sting rays showing off by sporadically jumping out the water and spinning through the air before splashing back in.  A setting like this offers something interesting to talk about and gives you a chance to be yourself and really get to know that other person.

For those of you that live outside of Tampa, FL hopefully this idea will get you to think outside the box and find an adventurous dating destination in your neck of the woods.  It’s easy!  Just pick your favorite search engine and use key words like attractions, tourism and sightseeing coupled with your city and state; hit enter and start planning your Valentine’s Day exploration!

Until next time, here’s to keeping you Safer in the City!

Jessica