By Mehmet C. Oz, MD, and Michael F. Roizen, MD

Just about every food you can think of has made the aphrodisiac hit list at one time or another—and most of it is bosh. But not quite, says Elizabeth Somer, R.D., author of Age-Proof Your Body. Although there’s no proof that any food will consistently boost desire, there is definitely something seductive about these five:

1. Bright foods—If someone’s diet is a junk-food debacle, their love life may be, too. That’s because the quality of sexual experiences fluctuates with overall health, says Somer. But reversing the effects of poor nutrition improves energy, mood, and even conception rates. And since brightly colored fruit and veggies are the most nutrient-packed foods you can eat, consuming the recommended nine-a-day could rev up your sex life.

2. Lite foods—Men with romance on their minds should think low-fat. University of Utah School of Medicine researchers found that testosterone levels plunged 50 percent in men after they drank a rich milk shake containing 57 percent fat calories.

3. Chocolate—This melt-in-your-mouth delectable has been called irresistible, wicked, and divine. No wonder eating it makes us think of other pleasurable indulgences. But there’s actually a possible scientific explanation for its effects. “Chocolate contains a compound called phenylethylamine or PEA that stimulates the nervous system, increases blood pressure, and makes your heart beat faster, creating feelings similar to being in love,” says Somer.

4. Alcohol—Wine and liquor may rate as love potions because alcohol depresses higher brain centers, suppressing anxiety and inhibitions. But there’s a hitch: More than one or two drinks slows arousal and increases clumsiness. Oops. Even Shakespeare wrote about alcohol’s double-edged side: “It provides the desire, but it takes away the performance.”

5. And, yes, oysters—The belief that oysters boost fertility has some basis in fact: Just one usually supplies the daily requirement for zinc, a trace mineral that’s essential for conception. Even a brief shortage of zinc impairs ovulation in women and reduces semen and testosterone in men. However, while getting the recommended 15 milligrams of zinc a day will help sustain normal sexual function, larger doses will not turn a couch potato into Casanova!

Happily, not only is the food of love surprisingly healthy, so is love itself: Long-term loving relationships can make your RealAge as much as 6.5 years younger.

Source: health.msn.com

BY NICHOLAS K. GERANIOS
ASSOCIATED PRESS

Boy meets girl. Boy picks up girl. Boy tries to not drop girl on her head.

This is the world of pairs figure skating and ice dancing, the beautiful sports where a woman and man skate in unison across the ice.

But how do these skaters meet? How do they stay together? And what is the secret to their success?

Pairs skating turns out to have a lot of parallels to relationships in real life. Not the least of which is the potential for conflict while in proximity to very sharp objects.

Some pairs meet by accident, some are matched up by coaches or friends. Some seek each other out on the Internet.

At the U.S. Figure Skating Championships in Spokane in January, all manner of pairs were on display. The most successful was Caydee Denney, 16, and Jeremy Barrett, 25, who won the U.S. pairs title and competed in the Vancouver Olympics, finishing 13th last week.

Denney and Barrett began skating together in Florida in 2006, but Denney and her family moved to Colorado. They moved back to Florida in 2008, and Denney and Barrett picked up again.

Like a lot of successful partnerships, they are careful about what they say. Barrett blamed himself for some “poor throws” during nationals, and praised his partner for landing them anyway.

Finishing second at nationals were Amanda Evora and Mark Ladwig, who went on to finish 10th in Vancouver. In the tangled world of pairs, Barrett has dated Evora for years. The two teams skate at the same rink and have the same coaching team, making them training partners yet rivals at the same time.

Pairs skating is a complicated effort. Partners have to have absolute faith in each other to pull off all the jumps, spins and landings, some with names like “the death spiral.” The male partner must be strong enough to hoist the female into the air and set her down without apparent effort. This puts pressure on the man to stay strong and the woman to stay thin.

Finding a partner can be difficult. Pairs hopefuls have been known to advertise in skating magazines, through e-mail, and on Web sites such as icepartnersearch.com.

Skater Ameena Sheikh used that site, which is endorsed by U.S. Figure Skating, to find partner Aaron VanCleave. The site currently lists 59 males and 235 females looking for partners, which illustrates another challenge in pairs skating: There are a lot more women than men.

Women are encouraged to look for potential partners among hockey players, roller skaters, dancers and gymnasts.

Often, one skater has to move to be closer to the other for practice purposes.

VanCleave, for instance, moved from British Columbia to the Detroit area after he and Sheikh decided to skate together. Spokane was their second competition, and while they only finished 14th, they are staying together.

“We are going long-term, all the way,” Sheikh said.

Ice dancer Tanith Belbin was born in Canada, but moved to the Detroit area in 1998 because she was not able to find a good dance partner. She was partnered with Ben Agosto by coach Igor Shpilband, and they have enjoyed a lot of success.

At the Turin Olympics in 2006, Belbin and Agosto won the silver medal in ice dancing, the highest Olympic result of any American team in the discipline, and the first American ice dancers to win an Olympic medal in 30 years. In 2008, they moved to Ashton, Pa., to train.

They finished second in ice dancing in Spokane, behind Meryl Davis and Charles White, and both teams were scheduled to compete in the Vancouver Olympics.

Agosto contends they have never had an argument in 11 years of skating together. Successful skating partners have to be able to work through mistakes without exploding on each other, at least in public.

Source: freep.com

Sexually Attracted or Just Friends?

By Jessica Walker

One of our readers asked how he could avoid being “The Friend” and start being “The Boyfriend.”  Well, I have to confess that I’ve used the “friend” line a time or two or three.  I’ve even had that line used on me at the end of a relationship. So, I took a couple days to think back on my past relationships, trying to come up with ways that I could have avoided that situation.  I researched advice articles posted by men on how to avoid The Friend Zone or The Friend Trap.  These articles advise men to play hard to get instead of being so forth coming.  I kind of agree with that because I personally like a challenge.  But if that approach does not come natural to you already then you may come off looking like a jerk and end up ruining everything by trying to be someone you’re not.  In the end your so called “friend” qualities will surface.

So after days of racking my brain, and for a blonde that seems like a lifetime, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s flat out unavoidable.  Here’s why.  Every time I used that line it was because I was not sexually attracted to the person.  But, I did enjoy their company otherwise I would have told them it was over and that was it.  Which I recall saying that as well on a couple occasions. It is near impossible to be sexually attractive to everyone you date.  That’s what dating is all about; you win some you lose some.  Sometimes people get it right on the first try but for the rest of us it takes time to find the right person. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Let’s look at it from another angle.  If that person wants to truly be your friend than you both may be better off that way.  One of my best friends in the whole world is a guy who I told that I just wanted to be friends.  And you know what his reply was to that… I’ll never forget it, “I’d rather be your friend then not have you in my life.”  It actually worked out to our advantage because all through high school and college we called each other when we had questions about our partners.  Now does that guy sound like he was trapped?  I’ll let you decide.

As for the others I supposedly trapped in The Friend Zone, I’ve bumped into them on Facebook and they are all happily married with kids.  I’d say they escaped the trap as well.

My advice to the reader that posted the question and to everyone else is stop trying to avoid it and just keep dating; have fun and most of all be yourself at all times.  You will eventually find that special someone and in the meantime you may also be so lucky as to find your very own phone a friend.  My wish for you all is that you find a friend like I have, because we have happily spent 15 years trapped in The Friend Zone.

- Jessica

By Russell Salzman

It has been the bane of every man’s existence for the better part of recorded history, and has caused distress and heavy drinking for single people for nearly as long. It is the inevitable topic of a column devoted to sex and relationships, published in mid-February. Its name is Valentine’s Day, and you should all be very, very frightened.

Well, maybe not frightened, but at the very least vigilant and aware.

This is a holiday that is devoted to relationships and the love/like that is shared between two (or more, I’m not one to judge) individuals. At least that is its intention. What the holiday usually ends up doing is forcing men and women to spend ridiculous amounts of time and money on getting the perfect gift for their partners, and forcing all of us single people out there to reflect on the fact that we are, in fact, single. Whether by choice or by circumstance, no one likes to be reminded that they are alone on this holiday.

But my friends, please do not despair, for I have good news: if you find yourself grouped in with any of the aforementioned generalizations, you are viewing this holiday all wrong.

For those of you in a relationship or situation that warrants buying your partner a Valentine’s Day gift, think back to the golden rule for Christmas, birthdays and any other gift-giving occasion - it’s the thought that counts. Who cares if you spend that extra $40, $50, or even $100 on that giant bouquet of flowers that you put no time or effort into? Same goes with jewelry and pricey trinkets.

Romanticism draws from the creativity and effort that you are willing to use to put a smile on your partner’s face, and an extra-fast beat in their heart.

Cover her bed with hand-picked flowers, make your guy his favorite meal with his favorite brew or even just steal your partner away from a night of drinking Downtown so you can both cuddle on the couch and watch a bunch of your favorite movies; the best gifts are the ones that require more planning and thought than money. After all, anyone can swipe a credit card, but only your special someone can give you what your heart really desires.

And for you single people, please don’t think that I have forgotten about you. Although all your friends who are in relationships or are seeing someone will (hopefully) be spending the day/night with their partners, I guarantee you that there is still a significant number of single friends that you can surround yourself with so no one feels lonely when there is so much love in the air.

And believe me, love is in the air. Although you may enter the holiday single, that may not be how you leave it if you play your cards right. So go party or hang out with your friends, meet some new people and let the holiday work its magic. At the very least, you’ll have a fun night. At best, you’ll find yourself paying attention to a different section of this column next year - the part devoted to those in a relationship.

Use this coming week to plan an unforgettable Valentine’s Day for your special someone or to find yourself a new person to devote to your affection, and don’t let your relationship status hold you down.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Source: Pipe Dream

Explore Your Way Through a First Date

By Jessica Walker

If you’re still thinking about what to do for Valentine’s Day than maybe I can help.  How about planning a casual afternoon of exploration in your home town.  Acting like a tourist on a date is a great way to break the ice, check out places you’ve always wanted to see while offering a memorable experience.

The typical dinner and a movie setting on a first or second date can be a bit intimidating and awkward.  This time around try taking the pressure off and enjoy an adventure through an unknown part of town.  There are a lot of alternatives to dinner and a movie, such as museums and aquariums or for our members that live in the Tampa Bay area try heading over to the Manatee Viewing Center located in Apollo Beach.

This particular destination is safe because it’s a public place and the best part is its FREE.  I spent Sunday morning at the Manatee viewing center and had a blast.  There were a hundred manatee just a stones throw away from the observation decks.  I even witnessed young sharks and sting rays showing off by sporadically jumping out the water and spinning through the air before splashing back in.  A setting like this offers something interesting to talk about and gives you a chance to be yourself and really get to know that other person.

For those of you that live outside of Tampa, FL hopefully this idea will get you to think outside the box and find an adventurous dating destination in your neck of the woods.  It’s easy!  Just pick your favorite search engine and use key words like attractions, tourism and sightseeing coupled with your city and state; hit enter and start planning your Valentine’s Day exploration!

Until next time, here’s to keeping you Safer in the City!

Jessica

By: GateHouse News Service

Tip of the Week

Valentine’s Day is coming, and that means there might be romance in the air at your workplace. Here are five tips from business etiquette expert Barbara Pachter, author of the book “NewRules@Work: 79 Etiquette Tips, Tools, and Techniques to Get Ahead and Stay Ahead,” to help you and your significant other share a copier by day and a bedroom by night without hurting your professional image:

1. Do not broadcast your relationship on any social media sites. Keep the relationship private. Your co-workers do not need to know the intimate details of your romance. No posting information or photos about your latest love interest on Facebook or sending tweets about it. You never know who will see them.

2. No giant billboards in Times Square! If the relationship fails, be professional and adult about it. A recent billboard in New York publicly announced the affair between Charles Phillips, co-president of Oracle Corporation, and his mistress. Even if you have been jilted and the relationship ends badly, you cannot vent your negative feelings in public. This is the risk of office relationships. They sometimes don’t work out and then you have to continue to see or work with the person.

3. No physical contact in the office. No romantic displays. No secret kissing, caressing, hand holding or sex in the office. This also includes your behavior at office parties.

4. Don’t e-mail X-rated Valentine’s Day cards. E-mail is not private. Do not mail an unsigned Valentine’s Day card to a co-worker. Being a secret admirer is not a corporate concept.

5. Your boss shouldn’t be your valentine. Relationships are tricky enough without your boss or subordinate being your valentine. If you are dating your boss, have your reporting relationship changed.

Source: McPhersonSentinel.com

By: Living it Up / Carolin Vesely

Remember when your relationship was fresh and exciting and you and your beloved couldn’t keep your hands off each other? Just seeing him or her was enough to set your heart aflutter and give you butterflies in the pit of your stomach.

Ottawa sex therapist Sue McGarvie calls that feeling the “squoogies,” and if you haven’t had it for a long time, you’re not alone.

Modern life, with its endless distractions and to-do lists, has a way of pushing passion so far down the priority list that eventually it becomes just another thing to get done — if it makes the list at all.

“In my practice, I hear it over and over again from clients who say they’re just going through the motions, that their relationship isn’t as fulfilling as it once was,” says Thomasina Charney, a life coach living in rural Manitoba.

So Charney, a busy mom who also runs Rossman Yurts & Retreats with her husband, decided to do something to help couples bring the squoogies back.

The Valentine Weekend Great Sex for Life retreat takes place Feb. 12-14 at Elkhorn Resort & Spa in Riding Mountain National Park. McGarvie will be co-facilitating the event, along with her life partner and co-therapist Blaik Spratt.

Winnipeg standup comic Dan Licoppe will break the ice Friday evening following a meet-and-greet chocolate fondue, and there’ll be a ’50s/’60s-style dance and social on Saturday night.

The rest of the time, it’s all about sex — everything from building intimacy to improving technique to “keeping it hot.”

“This workshop is about the best fun, funny, adrenaline kick-starting ideas to keep your relationship from slipping into the ho-hum, ‘Do we really have to, I have a headache,’ pattern,” says McGarvie, a syndicated radio and television sex-show host and author of Quivering Jello: How to Have Mind-Blowing, Toe-Curling Orgasms and Lean and Lusty: The Libido Diet.

“Everyone wants to have that close relationship, to be that couple who hit their 60th anniversary still goosing each other and chasing each other around the cake, but the daily minutiae can make it really difficult.”

Never mind that men and women tend to have different ideas about intimacy — or at least how to get there.

“I try to explain to men why not doing the dishes can affect their sex life,” McGarvie says. “Because if you’re not feeling close to your partner, the last thing you want to do is have sex with them. And for men, that’s how they feel close.”

Any adrenaline-boosting activities that couples do together — paintball, whitewater rafting, etc. — will help them bond, she says, especially if it’s out of their comfort zone. The five things that great marriages have in common? Regular date nights, stopping the fight before it gets ugly, putting the other person’s needs first, sense of humour and inventive sex life.

Regarding the latter, McGarvie says it’s important that couples keep it hot with integrity.

“We’re not saying that you need leather and Crisco; it has to be suited to your relationship,” she says. “We call it being an ethical hedonist.”

As for the retreat, McGarvie says there are no lectures, and although it will be “very interactive,” it’s not group therapy — and no one will be put on the spot. Discussion topics will be determined by the results of a questionnaire that participants will fill out the first night.

“Maybe you’ll learn something, hopefully you’re going to feel closer,” she says. “I’m expecting you to bust a gut laughing and I’m expecting you to feel connected at the end of it — and that you did something for your relationship.”

(The anatomically correct puppets should help with the laughs.) continue reading

Source: Winnipeg Free Press

Experts weigh in on starting, ending and improving the relationships in your life

By Kathy Megan

Here are some tips for people with relationships on their mind — whether it’s ending, improving or starting one.

Is it over?

If you’re feeling fear, distrust, contempt or a lack of respect, major work is in order, says Donna Ferber, a psychotherapist in Farmington, Conn., who specializes in life transitions. She suggests therapy as soon as possible.

“The longer you wait to go the doctor, the harder the cure,” she says. “If you think something is wrong, chances are it is.”

Of course, if violence or abuse is present, a partner should get help as soon as possible.

Another take on this comes from Nancy Brockett, a licensed professional counselor in West Hartford, Conn.

“If every time you are thinking about the relationship, there is a dread that comes over you, that’s an indication that it’s probably not what you are really wanting,” Brockett says. “If there is a sense of life when you are thinking about your relationship, a spark, even a small spark, then you are wanting to check that out.”

When to tie (or untie) the knot

Peter Kane, a licensed clinical social worker in New Haven, Conn., advises: Consider your ability to listen and talk to each other.

Says Kane: “Does the relationship make you feel more productive and energetic in other places in your life as well? Does the relationship help you, not strain you?”

One of the biggest mistakes people make, Ferber says, is to think “if we get married, he’ll settle down” or “he won’t yell as much.”

If a relationship changes after marriage, it is usually for the worse.

Generally, she says, “what you see is what you get.”

What about you?

Take a close look at yourself and really decide whether you are being the person you want to be, Kane advises.

Ask yourself, “Would I want to be married to me?”

This may be difficult to approach honestly because so often people are convinced that it’s their partner who is making life so hard for them.

Recognizing your role in the situation is key to improving it.

Getting over a breakup

Realize it will take some time, Ferber advises. Take time to understand what you both did wrong.

“Give yourself time to be alone,” she says, and don’t let well-meaning friends and family push you into dating before you are ready.

If you’re recovering from divorce, Ferber says, realize that it’s an evolving process and that it’s not just the loss of your spouse, it’s the loss of an entire lifestyle. Make sure you eat well, get enough sleep, and avoid alcohol and drugs.

Try something new, but don’t make drastic changes. Try a new exercise class, for instance, but don’t suddenly quit your job and move across the country.

“You can’t run away from the problem,” says Ferber.

Meeting someone new

Tell all your friends you want to meet someone, Ferber says. Get involved in activities that you enjoy or support; this will lead to meeting like-minded people.

For instance, you may want to volunteer for a group that helps others, or work for a political campaign or try a new sport. Online dating is also an option.

Source: Chicago Tribune

Ladies of the world, please realize that it takes a lot of guts to approach you. No guy wants to come across as a creepy lothario, so use one of these five gestures to let guys know you’re open to some flirtation.

By Married Jake

The great tragedy of the dating world is that the large population of guys who’d like to talk to a girl and the large population of women who are waiting to be talked to hardly ever meet each other…

As the old man of dating advice, I’d like to remind all you single ladies that as men, we are faced, often, with the simplest and yet most unsolvable of problems: if we approach a woman we don’t know, we’re the creepy pick-up artist who you’d like to escape from; if we don’t approach a woman we’ve never met, we are the wimpy guy who won’t take action.

That’s basically the internal dialogue going on in most men’s heads when they’re at a party or a bar and see someone they’d like to talk to. So we need to know that we’ve got a green light.

Here’s how to make it more likely that the guy will actually approach you (given that’s what you want)…

1. Uncross your arms
Nothing says ‘Do Not Enter’ like a pair of crossed arms. It makes a person seem suspicious, unhappy to be wherever she is, and likely to scold us.

2. Make a little unsubtle eye contact
Dude, enough with the fleeting glances. I can’t tell you how man times I’ve sat there talking to my friends about whether or not a woman gave a meaningful look or just happened to sweep over us with her gaze. You don’t have to look like a hungry cannibalistic zombie, but you should realize we like unambiguous signs.

3. Look bored
If you seem like you’re having the time of your life, we will be less likely to want to interrupt it.

4. Smile
Dorky and self-help 101 as it sounds, a smile makes someone way more approachable. It’s kind of the opposite of the crossed arms, as far as the advertisement you’re making to the world.

5. Don’t bring a guy as your wingman
It’s a temptation, since it makes a woman look less like she’s out looking to meet someone. But, you know, if you are out looking to meet someone, why try to hide it?

Source: lifestyle.msn.com

Posted by: Dr. Mercola

Before you make your New Year’s resolution, take a minute to avoid these common resolution mistakes — and make sure it’s one you can actually keep. Typically, New Year’s resolutions don’t work for 4 reasons.

1. They’re all about what you think you should do

Stop smoking? Start exercising? Eat healthily? These all sound good on the surface, but typically a resolution is based on what you think you should be doing, rather than what you really want to be doing. Forget about what you or other people think you ought to be doing and look at what you really want.

2. Resolutions are like goals

Some resolutions are like goals in that they’re about getting more of something. The trouble is that setting goals rarely works. The problem is that as soon as you set a goal for yourself, you’re saying to yourself that you want more in your life than you have right now. The very nature of goals make you look forward to what’s next, never at what you’ve got right now. Once you reach a goal, what’s next? Another goal. Then another, then another. When do you get to stop and just enjoy life right where you are?

3. There’s no motivation or commitment

Over a third of resolutions don’t make it past January and over three quarters are abandoned soon after. The reason? No commitment. The problem is that you’re taking something that doesn’t mean anything to you and trying to make it happen. Resolutions lack a foundation of meaning and personal relevance that makes sure they run out of steam.

4. The timing’s all wrong

Not only are you coming off the back of the holidays and getting back to the harsh realities of the world, but you see the whole of the year stretching ahead of you and summer’s a whole 6 months away. Why wait for one particular day to make a decision, when there are 364 other equally great decision-making days available to you?

Source: Mercola.com