By Jessica Walker

I’ve become very familiar with the acronym RSA over the past couple days.  RSA stands for Rivest, Shamir and Adleman, the three MIT researches responsible for describing it in 1978.  According to Wikipedia, RSA is an algorithm for public-key cryptography.  It is the first algorithm known to be suitable for signing as well as encryption, and was one of the first great advances in public key cryptography. RSA is widely used in electronic commerce protocols, and is believed to be secure given sufficiently long keys and the use of up-to-date implementations.

RSA is also the Security Division of EMC, which is a world leader that designs, builds and manages secure information infrastructures.

So why have I suddenly gone “geek” on you?  Well, I stumbled upon an article, “The evolution of online identity and trust,” written by Scott Charney, corporate VP, Trustworthy Computing at Microsoft and wanted to share as much as I could on the topic of online security.

Mr. Charney was recently a keynote speaker at the 2010 RSA Conference that ended on March 5th in San Francisco, CA.  The RSA Conference attracts top security professionals from around the world to collaborate on IT security.

In his presentation, Mr. Charney discussed creating a safer, more trusted Internet and he touched upon identity security with a focus on authenticity and anonymity.  Mr. Charney and the folks at Microsoft have a vision of working with the public, private, social and economic sectors to create a kind of digital identification card that can be used much like we use a passport or a driver’s license.  Mr. Charney envisions the online user registering for this digital identification card in-person at a government office.  This card would allow a web user to interact online without having to pass along private information which in turn lets the user remain anonymous when needed.  It’s like flashing your driver’s license to a bouncer when entering a night club.  The bouncer only needs to verify that your face matches your photo and they will probably scan the card to prove it’s authentic.  The bouncer doesn’t store your address, birthday, height or eye color for later use nor do they require you to answer security questions before entering such as what is your mother’s maiden name or what was the name of your first pet?  The bouncer knows that the DMV has reviewed your birth certificate and social security card prior to issuing your driver’s license.

This is very exciting news, especially for the online dating industry.  The whole premise behind the SaferDates.com site is to try to ensure authenticity while maintaining a degree of anonymity.  We are thrilled to hear that the security industry is working diligently to develop digital identification technology.

Now how does all this tie into our site and your member profile in particular?  Well, this is very good lead into a service that we have woven into our member profiles and it’s called ReputationShare.

You’ve probably already noticed the ReputationShare box located at the bottom of your Personal Details section.  ReputationShare is just another tool that we offer to help you take control of your safety.

When I interviewed Linda Criddle, ReputationShare President, last year she had this to say about her product, “It helps identify and manage rogue users because, like credit bureaus, ReputationShare literally shares people’s online reputations across participating sites.  If someone has been abusing other Dating sites or their members, Safer Dates can see that information even as the person is registering and take appropriate steps. Unlike credit bureaus, the ReputationShare service does not receive or store any information about who the user is. Users stay entirely anonymous, but both positive and negative behaviors associated with their email alias are collected.  Second, it gives users the ability to make more informed choices about who they choose to interact with.”

I contacted Linda again to see what she thought about Mr. Charney’s article on authenticity and anonymity and this is what she had to say, “Partial anonymity isn’t about a need to know, it is about a user’s choice to share information to achieve greater trust. In an online dating scenario this could be manifest when a potential date wants others to know that they have a track record of decent behavior. In this case the potential date does not need to know anything about WHO you are, they just need to know HOW you behave. ReputationShare is a great example of a system that ensures anonymity of identity, and personal privacy, while providing solid information about a reputation.”  To read Linda’s blog click here.

Safer Dates believes abusive behavior in the cyber world can sometimes cross over into the physical world and we feel the ReputationShare tool will empower you to manage your own safety more effectively.

To learn more about ReputationShare please visit http://www.reputationshare.com/.

Until next time, here’s to keeping you Safer in the City!

- Jessica

Date/Time: 2/23/10 7:00pm EDT

Category: Romance

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The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online is a romantic tell-all memoir spanning over 250 online dates in almost 15 years. This best-selling book is filled with heartfelt, witty, and hilarious stories. Join Safer Dates as we learn from an Internet industry pro, who as a super-successful cyber-dater, has already received several marriage proposals and a brilliant assortment of fabulous and fun dates after she had to start her life all over again.

By Eric Aasen

Lessons in Love

DENTON – For the college women gathered in Room 131, if you wanna know if he loves you so, it’s not in his kiss – it’s in his eyes.

“His eyes look like they’re probing into you, looking into your soul,” one exclaimed.

“Pretty blue eyes,” another said.

“Almond-shaped eyes.” “Soft eyes, so you look at them and you’re like, ‘Awwww. You look like a puppy.’ ” “Smiley eyes.”

There’s a whole lotta lovin’ goin’ on in the Romantic Relationships course at the University of North Texas. Yes, college students – some of whom specialize in beer bongs, late-night parties or casual hook-ups – are taking a scholarly approach to personality, friendship, attraction, dating and marriage.

So aside from pretty peepers, does the ideal man have a well-defined jaw?

Hands shot up in the air so fast, the students’ arms practically fell off.

Their professor, Jennifer Acker, quickly whipped them back into reality.

“This may be the hottest guy ever that walks into the room, but is he going to provide for the family and really help out?”

His looks may light up a room, but will he really light up a room by replacing that burned-out light bulb?

“There’s nothing sexier than a man with a vacuum cleaner,” Acker said.

For these students, there’s no need to search those bottomless piles of self-help books at the bookstore this Valentine’s Day. Forget Dr. Phil. Turn off The Bachelor and other syrupy find-me-a-lover shows.

The UNT class was formed just a couple of years ago, but there’s so much interest that students are being turned away. Similar courses are popping up on across the country.

Some students take the class to fulfill requirements for their majors. Others say it will help them as counselors.

Then there are those who are motivated by scoring some tips about finding “the one.”

Lindsey Teel, 23, is in class partly to learn how to find the right guy, “although I don’t want to admit it.”

“Romantic relationships are one of the most beautiful forms of human interaction,” she said. “They’re rare. The good ones are rare.”

Done right, these relationships create “a bond of trust,” Teel said, leading to some of the most joyful moments in our lives – a first kiss, falling in love, getting married and having children.

Teel and the other students – mostly women – turn to Acker, their Love Lecturer, who guides them through the twists and turns of Cupid’s arrow.

Society focuses so much on finding the perfect partner, but not on how to keep that mate, Acker said. She believes college is a good time to learn about creating healthy partnerships and hopes students will apply the lessons in their own lives.

“When you’re at that young college age, you’re still trying to figure yourself out and yet you’re trying to figure out how to have a relationship,” said Acker, a lecturer in UNT’s College of Education.

Standing in front of dozens of students last week, Acker explained how self-esteem dips among college-age students and how that could challenge relationships.

She discussed how relationships are a partnership of equals – at least in terms of their attractiveness. Rarely do you find an ugly duckling with a hottie.

Students brought in pictures of famous men and women they found attractive: Brody Jenner, James Franco, Reggie Bush, Jake Gyllenhaal. Jennifer Aniston, Carrie Underwood, Kim Kardashian, Reese Witherspoon.

One woman flashed a picture of Chace Crawford.

He looks like a 12-year-old, a student said.

“You crush my heart,” the woman responded.

Acker suggested that couples discuss Valentine’s Day ahead of time – and decide whether they would get dressed up and go out or exchange gifts.

“In our minds, we have this perfect expectation and picture of what this man is going to do for us on Valentine’s Day, yet we never say it out loud,” she said. “I don’t know how to expect guys to meet those expectations.”

Melissa Wish, 21, isn’t in the class to look for a man – she has a boyfriend – but she believes the class will help her when she’s a family counselor, especially when working with divorcing parents.

“I want to help parents stay friends through the divorce,” she said. “I understand why Mom and Dad aren’t going to work out, but I can help little Suzie understand.”

While taking the class, Teel has come to realize that she’s been going after the bad guys.

“They seem like they’re good and then they’re not,” she said. “They’re like wolves in sheeps’ clothing.”

Matt Whitaker, 26, has learned many lessons from the women of Room 131.

“In the beginning, women want that bad or dangerous guy,” Whitaker said, “but at the end of the day, when it’s all said and done, they want to know that their boyfriend or husband is there for them and loves, nurtures and protects them.”

So, to the good guys out there: Be patient and be nice. You’ve got a good shot.

Source: The Dallas Morning News

By Tom Blake

When older singles date new people, one of the most important precautions they should follow is to trust their instincts. If they sense something isn’t right about the new person, there is a strong chance they’re right.

But when people are lonely and want to be in a relationship and loved, they tend to downplay those instincts by viewing potential partners through rose-colored glasses.

Susie, an educated woman with a successful career, says she did just that. At 55, she met a man, 62, on Yahoo Personals. However, she learned that his listed name was not his true name and that his age was 66.

However, one can’t blame Susie for initially being impressed. She said: “He is well-educated (except he can’t spell), charming and writes e-mails that are like love letters. He says he has a nice home and a yacht in Florida. He states he is a partner in two corporations – one in entertainment and one in construction. He treated me well, spent time getting to know my family and even went to church with me. We made a lot of plans for the future together.”

When Susie saw red flags at the beginning of the relationship, she still elected to proceed, albeit cautiously. But not cautiously enough, as she explained:

“The first time I let my guard down, he made his move. I had something at my house that had been broken for a long time and he knew someone who could fix it. I was going out of town on a business trip and this was the only time he could come fix my problem (should have been a huge red flag). I left him my house keys. This was the first time I had let him have access to my house.

“When I got back from my business trip, I checked my bank account online and saw three checks written that I did not recognize. I called my bank and figured out what was going on.”

The man she had been dating had stolen her checkbook.

She called police. “While the policeman was at my house, I called the man and told him I knew what he had done and if he ever stepped foot on my property, I would have him arrested,” Susie said. “I never told him I filed a police report, because I did not want him to run. That night I had all the locks changed on my house.”

Susie said most everything he told her was untrue. He didn’t have a car or a job. Immediately after Susie ended the relationship, he was back on Yahoo Personals.

Susie didn’t hear anything from the police; she figured nothing would happen because it was a small crime.

She continued: “About 1½ years later, I got a letter from the district attorney. The man had been arrested and was sentenced to three years in prison and four years’ probation. He only served 1½ years and was supposed to start making restitution to me three months after he got out. I haven’t seen any of the money and don’t care. The amount was not great; my bank put the money back in my account because they should not have cashed the checks.”

Susie talked about the psychological effects: “It hurts to realize that I did not mean anything to him. I have been very embarrassed and angry at myself. Although the amount of money was not great, you cannot put a price tag on the hurt and suffering this man caused me.”

Lessons learned from Susie’s story:

• A background check may have saved Susie from this ordeal.

• It’s easy to blame the Internet. But what happened in Susie’s case happened after they were together in person.

• When legally violated, file a police report.

• Check your bank and credit-card statements often.

• Pay attention to red flags; trust your instincts. Don’t allow loneliness to cloud your thinking.

Women beware: This Internet-dating ex-con will strike again.

Source: The Orange County Register

By Harriet Ryan

The police sought a person who claimed to be Bree Condon and who had bilked thousands out of men in an online scam. They were surprised to meet Justin Brown.

Postings over the last two years on the website Who’s Dated Who hint at the number of men who may have been scammed. After the site authors listed both actor Colin Farrell and professional basketball player Marko Jaric as dating Condon, a visitor calling himself Michael Curry wrote, “love the gossip but bree and i have been dating for months.” Others replied with warnings.

“She is bad news,” read one typical posting.

Interestingly, another user disparaging Condon identified himself as Justin Brown.

“I dated her too. Really sweet at first then it’s $5,000 a month just to be one of her boyfriends,” the posting read.

Brown remains in jail, and his court-appointed lawyer did not return calls seeking comment. Satterlee, the detective investigating the Austin case, described him as “cooperative” in an interview with police.

“He made statements that substantiated the information,” Satterlee said.

Jason Boone, a researcher at the National White Collar Crime Center who has studied Internet scams, said Condon’s case stood out as an unusual “true case of identity theft” among the more common schemes targeting bank accounts or credit card information.

“Here you are actually stealing someone’s name and likeness,” he said. As a criminal operation, it is rarer than viruses or e-mail con letters that aim to steal financial information, likely because those require less work, he said.

Impersonating someone else “takes a little more attention and a lot more motivation on the part of an individual to create this type of attractive profile to lure people in,” Boone said.

Austin police are investigating whether Brown created a fake “official” website for Condon as well as Facebook and MySpace profiles in her name. According to the arrest warrant, his days impersonating the model came to an end after he sent a message to Carbona, the Fort Myers investor.

“It opens to this picture of a beautiful woman. A damsel in distress,” Carbona said of the message he received this fall through a networking application on his iPhone. The sender claimed to be Condon and to know Carbona through a friend. She said she was in dire financial straits after an airline had lost her luggage, he recalled.

After several phone conversations, however, Carbona concluded, “I think I have someone who is full of baloney.” He tracked down the real Condon on a film shoot in Wales and said she told him it was a long-standing problem and referred him to her private investigator. Carbona, whose father and grandfather were police officers, said he cooked up a sting operation to pinpoint the fake Condon’s location by offering to pay her motel bill.

He passed the address to the private investigator who notified authorities. He was stunned when the person arrested was male.

“I’d been talking to this person for three months,” Carbona said. “I’m telling you this guy has either had his gonads removed or he is talking through a voice synthesizer.”

“He has a very feminine voice,” Satterlee, the case detective, confirmed.

Brown’s arrest went unnoticed online, where questions about Condon’s real identity and love life linger.

Source: The Los Angeles Times

A new report from McAfee has predicted that social networking sites will be increasingly targeted by cyber criminals this year.

By Jennifer Scott

Tech security specialist McAfee has predicted that popular social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter will be major platforms for cyber crime throughout 2010.

In its 2010 Threat Predictions report, the company said that the bad guys will specifically target users of social networking sites and third-party applications who will be more trusting of clicking onto links through these sites than in other online situations.

With Twitter specifically, McAfee believes the abbreviated URLs will help to hide any sinister sites that may be otherwise detectable.

“Over the past decade, we’ve seen a tremendous improvement in the ability to successfully monitor, uncover, and stop cyber crime,” said Jeff Green, senior vice president of McAfee Labs, in a statement.

“We’re now facing emerging threats from the explosive growth of social networking sites, the exploitation of popular applications and more advanced techniques used by cyber criminals.”

However, Green still concluded that the company was “confident” that 2010 will be successful for those involved with cyber security.

Other potential problems that the whitepaper warned of included the increasing use of HTML 5, offering new avenues for malware writers, a continued targeting of Adobe Reader and a rise in the volume of banking Trojans.

Source: IT Pro

EVANSVILLE, IN (WFIE) - An Evansville couple engaged to be married 30 years ago finally said their vows.

Terry Devoy and Michael Schmitt said their ‘I do’s’ at the Ritzy’s Fantasy of Lights display in Garvin Park.

Devoy works for St. Mary’s and Schmitt works for the IBEW.

Both organizations are affiliated with Ritzy’s, so that’s why they chose to be married there.

The couple was engaged 30 years ago and things just didn’t work out, but earlier this year, the couple rekindled their relationship after running into each other on an online dating site.

“I feel God released him to me,” Devoy said. “At one point he gave my engagement ring to the church and asked God to bring me back to him. So I think this is all really beyond me.”

“I don’t think we are the same people we were 30 years ago,” Schmitt said. “I think both of us have grown a little bit. I think I’m more in love with her now than back then.”

Appropriately, Devoy and Schmitt got married in front of the Santa’s castle and Victorian marriage proposal displays.

They said Christmas time is the time when miracles happen.

Source: wfie.com

By Ellen McCarthy

Robert Epstein believes that someday, in the not-too-distant future, many Americans will share his philosophy on relationships. And his philosophy is this: You can build love deliberately and choose whom to do it with.

All of this “falling” stuff, he thinks, will become passé.

Epstein is a psychologist and author whose previous research has focused largely on creativity and adolescence. He turned his attention to affairs of the heart after his first marriage ended in divorce. “It was personal,” he says. “I’ve certainly failed in relationships and in very much the typical American way, which makes it very frustrating — when you fail in a typical way.”

In 2002, when a young woman came in to interview for an internship and told him she’d never been in love, he had an idea: They set out to make her fall in love. The intern eventually backed out of the experiment, so Epstein decided to do it himself. After meeting a woman on a plane who agreed to be his partner in the endeavor, he began to employ strategies and behaviors that relationship experts have found increase feelings of intimacy: sharing vulnerabilities, touching each other affectionately and seeking adventures together.

The good news? They fell in love. The bad? It didn’t last. She was from Venezuela, and the logistics were too difficult to overcome.

Still, Epstein, former editor of Psychology Today, has been shaping his theory that love can be orchestrated ever since. It may sound strange to Western ears, he realizes. But Epstein’s come to think it’s the American way that’s really absurd when it comes to love: “We grow up on fairy tales and movies in which magical forces help people find their soul mates, with whom they effortlessly live happily ever after,” he wrote in a recent issue of Scientific American Mind. “The fairy tales leave us powerless, putting our love lives into the hands of the Fates.”

To gain insights into another way of cultivating love, Epstein has begun to study arranged marriages. Some studies have found that over time the affection between partners in arranged marriages can surpass that of couples who chose each other because of love.

Epstein, 56 and remarried, taught a course at the University of California at San Diego last spring in which students could earn extra credit by employing affection-building exercises with friends and strangers after class. Almost all the students who tried the techniques — including trust falls, synchronized breathing and prolonged gazing — reported greater feelings of closeness with their partners. (The psychologist has sworn off talking about his own relationship, but he will say his wife sat in on several classes that semester.)

The seed Epstein is hoping to plant in people’s minds, through lectures and a book he’s writing, is that we may have greater control than we think over this wily thing called love.

And if that doesn’t sound particularly romantic?

“All I can say is there’s nothing romantic about failure,” Epstein answers.

Source: Washington Post

By Tamera Manzanares

It’s the holidays. Families gather in warm, festive settings. They are content, at peace and completely immersed in the moment.

This is not reality for most families. Whether it’s squabbles or sarcasm, feigned happiness or empty seats at the dinner table, the holidays often highlight tension and conflicts.

By lowering expectations — letting go of hopes for perfection and harmony — and being more open to others and situations, family members can make gatherings enjoyable, rather than tolerable.

Where deep and painful fissures exist, this season also may offer opportunities to begin mending relationships.
“The question to ask yourself is ‘Do I want peace?’” said Diane McCrann, a psychotherapist and counselor in Steamboat Springs. “If it’s peace you want … you must reach out, you must forgive.”

Making the first step

Overcoming blame and resentment takes a lot of courage, but that effort will pay off, if not in the relationship, for the person initiating the process. As hard as it seems, taking the first step toward reconciliation can take less energy than hanging on to anger, sadness and regret, which take a toll on a person’s health.

“If you want change then why wait for the phone to ring or the holiday card to arrive … it may never happen,” McCrann said.

Reaching out does not have to be overwhelming. If a face to face connection or phone call is threatening, a person can write an e-mail or send a card.

McCrann suggests keeping communication simple with statements such as, “I’m sorry we’ve grown apart” or “I miss you.” The biggest mistake a person can make is to rehash the past.

“Even if you believe the other person is at fault, it’s important you step beyond that and say, ‘What can I do … what can we do to get past this,’” she said.

Forgiving takes practice and time and can make a person feel vulnerable if the other person doesn’t reciprocate.

Even if this is the case, the person reaching out will have peace in their heart knowing they did their best and can move on to more rewarding relationships.

“The challenge is that we can’t make a relationship exactly as we want it,” McCrann said. “We can have hope and wishes, and we can reach out and share our love, but we can’t control what the other person does.”

Coping with issues

Estrangement within a family can be particularly painful for older individuals who have devoted a lifetime to nurturing family relationships.

Pained by conflicts between their children, older adults still have the power to smooth rifts by paying attention to how they communicate with their grown children and how they deal with issues involving money, gifts and other sensitive matters that may contribute to rivalries, McCrann said.

Siblings at odds with each other should consider how that tension affects their ability to care for and make decisions regarding their aging parent.

“If siblings are not on the same page … their ability to communicate about the needs and concerns of their aging parent is estranged and very ineffective.

“Everybody loses in that circumstance,” she said.

An older parent estranged from their child may find it difficult to reach out, especially if they think it is the child who should make the first step. The older individual will need to let go of that feeling — especially if the situation is causing them a lot of stress — to begin the communication process.

Resolving conflict can take time, and some bonds may remain broken despite a person’s best efforts.

Rather than getting lost in disappointment, people can create a sense of family and nurture the relationships they long for among friends and people already in their lives, McCrann emphasized.

“Who is there that can share a meal, take a walk or share a cup of coffee with us?” she said. “Love is all around us and the potential for relationships is wherever we are, regardless of our age or circumstance.”

Source: Craig Daily Press

By: Kirk Honeycutt

(Pic)-Cast member Meryl Streep arrives for the world premiere of ‘It’s Complicated’ in New York December 9, 2009. REUTERS/Finbarr O’Reilly

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - “It’s Complicated” is a middle-aged sex comedy but with more rom-com urges than farcical ones.

It’s from writer-director Nancy Meyers, who has found a comfort zone in gentle, even warm comedies about older adults facing complications that re-direct their lives into pleasantly unexpected emotional channels. “Complicated” forges ahead with these themes. Because no one else in Hollywood seemingly makes movies for middle-aged moviegoers, especially women, Meyers inevitably scores box-office successes, and this one should forge ahead in that area, too. Universal releases the film Christmas Day.

What Meyers doesn’t do is take chances. She sticks to formula and predictability. In “Complicated,” this is as much a matter of casting as writing.

Meryl Streep, apparently not wasting any cooking lessons she had for “Julie & Julia,” plays a divorced owner/pastry chef of a successful Santa Barbara bakery/restaurant. She is only now coming to terms with her divorce from Alec Baldwin, who dumped her 10 years earlier for a much younger woman. Even so, shopping for plastic surgery and building an extension to her rustic house indicate a certain restlessness despite her apparent equanimity.

The graduation of one of their three grown children on the East Coast throws her together with her ex at a time when his wife (Lake Bell) isn’t around. Wine flows, sparks fly and — you would never guess, but then again, you probably will — the two launch an unplanned, drunken affair. Suddenly, Streep is the “other” woman.

But the casting foreshadows most of the dramatic turns. Baldwin has developed a second career in films and television by more or less spoofing his macho image. So his character, a comic exaggeration of male befuddlement with womankind, is never a credible life choice for the restaurateur. Then, too, Steve Martin has just walked in: He’s the architect who is going to change her life with that home extension, and you know, even though he’s more subdued than you might expect, that he isn’t in the story to discuss the importance of retaining walls.

In the movie comedy world dominated by Judd Apatow, Meyer’s idea of naughtiness is charmingly quaint. The older adults — hide this from the kids — smoke pot! Yes, they do. Streep drops her bathrobe to expose her over-50-year-old body just as Diane Keaton did in Meyers’ “Something’s Gotta Give.” (No, of course you don’t see anything.) The film’s really racy moment comes when Baldwin’s private parts are accidentally Skyped to an unwilling viewer.

The near-farcical maneuvers by the parents in and around their kids (Caitlin Fitzgerald, Zoe Kazan and Hunter Parrish) and one prospective son-in-law (John Krasinski) and the shocked/delighted reactions to the affair by her gal pals (Rita Wilson, Mary Kay Place, Alexandra Wentworth, Nora Dunn) get milked for all possible laughs they will yield.

What Meyers has going for her in all the films she has directed from her scripts is her ability to evoke a fantasy world where grown men can cry and realize their mistakes while grown women love them for that. Cynicism — real cynicism, not the catty, superficial kind espoused by this First Wives Club chorus — is banished, and true love still is a possibility.

To whatever degree the writer-director is rewriting her own life story, crucially she is doing so for countless middle-aged women, and probably more than a few guys who need to swallow all the pills Baldwin’s character does to get through the day.

This is a comfort zone for such viewers even if the characters are no more real than the models in Vanity Fair ads. Streep is a vision of mature loveliness, a smart, sexy mom who always knows the right things to say to the kids and how to extricate herself from embarrassing situations. Far from the real world, she lives in a multimillion-dollar home, can — after a suitable number of comic mishaps — make sense of her life and even get Skype to work without having to consult younger family members.

Source: macondaily.com